The Daily Friday: Wednesday 9/20

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. The US Senate relaxes dress code, clearing the path for Adam Sandler to run for office. Dude is the Drip King.

2. You’re welcome, government. Missing F-35 jet finally found after I took off work to help them find it. “Statement” from the “pilot.”

3. Browns bring in Hunt for visit after Chubb explodes knee on MNF so badly ESPN wouldn’t show replay (video here for the little sickos.)

4. Taylor Swift will release 1989 (Taylor’s Version) after fans solve 33 million puzzles online, decode Silence Dogood letters, steal Declaration of Independence.

5. The Deion Effect cannot be overstated. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

THE DEION EFFECT IS REAL

This is going to be the best 30-for-30 someday.

Ever since Deion Sanders signed with Colorado as their head coach in January, he’s been making headlines. After 3 weeks of football, those headlines are translating to results on the field and in everyone’s bank account.

Let’s break down some crazy stats from the first 3 games.

People Are Paying Attention: 11.1 million people watched Saturday’s Colorado State game, the most watched late-night game and 5^th most watched game EVER on ESPN.

He also got The Rock, Offset, and fucking Kawhi to show up to a Week 3 game with a Mountain West rival. Bonkers.

The school announced yesterday that it has sold out every home game for the 2023, the first time ever for a program that’s existed for 100 years (as old as this lady.)

He’s Making Bank: Colorado’s first home game brought in an estimated $18 million for the Boulder area.

Personally, I think having the Friday Beers lads there for the Voodoo Rangers tour was a little bit more impactful, but what do I know? (Rusty’s vlog here)

Then, after he was criticized for wearing sunglasses during his interview, Deion launched a line of his own shades and made $4.5 MILLION in 48 hours.

Colorado has had a 700% increase in merch sales and a 1000% increase in insufferability by alumni, but we’ll allow it.

It’s Translating to the Field: They’re ranked #19 in the country and currently 3-0, the 4^th team to hit that mark after going 1-11 the previous season.

The real test is ahead of them, as they have 6 games against Top 25 teams remaining, including matchups against #10 Oregon and #5 USC in the next 2 weeks without star CB/WR Travis Hunter. Still, I would not bet against Deion (literally and figuratively.)  

He’s Still a Good Dad: It cannot be overstated how cool it is that his 2 sons, Shadeur (QB) and Shilo (Safety) are some of the best players on the team.

He won’t let them go the NFL yet, but he’ll still rank them against his other children every week. Fucking love this move.

THUMBS UP IS RUDE AS FUCK

“My thumb’s cold, want to warm it with your bottom??” is a WILD interpretation for a thumbs up, but I am absolutely here for it.

The full guide of rude hand gestures around the world is crazy. Apparently the A-OK sign means you’re calling someone gay in Brazil? More you know.

MLB: I’m prepared to give this guy the NL MVP today. He’s gonna go 40-70-100 and I feel like that’s not getting anywhere near enough appreciation.

In other alien news, Ohtani reportedly won’t be back on the mound until 2025. He’ll still hit and probably win the MVP but that stinks on ice.

Blake Snell removed after 7 innings with a no-hitter intact to save his arm for playoff push. That’s cool and all, but I’m more impressed by this pitch.

How are you supposed to hit this?

NFL: The Ravens season is officially over. Odell and Kim Kardashian are reportedly ‘hanging out’ and he’s gonna have his third ACL tear in 48 hours.

The seed is strong. Xavier Howard reportedly has 4 women pregnant at the same time and you know Nick Cannon is jealous as fuck.

New class of NFL Hall of Fame nominees announced, headlined by Julius Peppers and Antonio Gates. Did you guys know he played college basketball????????

CFB: This kid learned his throwing motion from Uncle Rico. That’s why he’s so fucking good.

NBA: HBO Max is now offering NBA coverage for no additional cost to the consumer, including 65 regular season games, the In-Season tournament, 2024 playoff games and Inside the NBA. Fuck ya.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Artist ordered to repay $75k commission to museum after delivering two blank canvases titled “Take the Money and Run.” If he called it “Imagination” he’d be totally fine.

Most electric first date ever? Boebert says that the Democrat drag show bar owner whose hog she cranked at Beetlejuice ‘won’t be getting a second date.’ Why the hell not?

Man who named his son Techno Mechanicus hates robots so much he wants to charge Twitter users a monthly fee to get rid of them. Pick a lane dude.

Rihanna and ASAP Rocky name son Riot, slightly more normal than Australian journalist who named child “Methamphetamine Rules” to prove some point.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

It’s always a good day when AFTV drops another YouTube sketch. End the strike and let the boys make the next Back to the Future movie please.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Will and Rusty’s Playdate is the world’s best new podcast (follow, subscribe, DM praise and salutations, etc.)

• I need to see this Nic Cage movie to come out already.

• The Wild Quest to Create a Fake Cricket League.

• What Walter Isaacson learned writing Elon Musk’s biography.

• The dude who broke a 2 hour marathon, at 4:35 mile pace, is completely absurd.

• Japanese women don’t think prostitution counts as cheating.