The Daily Friday: Wednesday 9/6

Everything you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Timothee Chalamet secures role in upcoming season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, spotted smooching Kylie at Beyonce concert.

2. Gen Z will save American tennis. Coco Gauff becomes first teen in US Open semis since Drake’s ex Serena Williams while unseeded 20-yr-old Ben Shelton advances to face Djokovic (need a miracle.)

3. Tucker Carlson’s interview with a man who claims he did blow and had sex with Barack Obama in 1999 airs tonight. What a stupid fucking story that I will 100% be tuning in for.

4. We need bullet trains. United grounds entire fleet for computer problems, Delta has diarrhea everywhere, and Air Canada kicks passengers off for complaining about puke covered seats.

5. A Pennsylvania manhunt for an escaped murderer enters Day 7. Here’s what we know.

PENNSYLVANIA MANHUNT ENTERS DAY 7

Well, we got a good ol’ fashioned manhunt on our hands. After being convicted to life in prison for muder, Danelo Cavalcante escaped a Pennsylvania prison last Thursday and has been on the run ever since.

Here’s what’s going down.

• Cavalcante was sentenced to life in prison last month with no chance of parole for killing his ex-girlfriend in 2021. He escaped from jail on Thursday, which I get. Prison sounds pretty bad.

• Federal Marshalls have offered a $10k reward for info leading to his arrest. Feels low. I won’t even consider snitching for below 6 figs.

• Police have been using speakers while tracking him to broadcast a message from his mother begging him to stop. That would honestly work so well on me. Good idea guys.

• He’s almost been caught. A cop chased him but couldn’t catch him (humiliating,) and someone says he broke into their house Friday and stole food and a bag from him (terrifying, possibly a brilliant lie for insurance fraud.)

• Yesterday, 2 schools cancelled classes after he was spotted nearby. Look, that’s scary but a day off is a day off. Beggars can’t be choosers.

Police are scheduled to release an update this afternoon, and have already discovered that he escaped by climbing on a roof. Checks out.

MINECRAFT NATION RISE UP

Take me back to playing GTA V in my buddy’s basement and trolling the streets for hookers until 3 am. Simpler times.

Also, it’s criminal that Flappy Birds is not on this list. 250 million downloads before it was pulled by the founder. Legendary.

NFL: Is anyone surprised that Aaron Rodgers is a UFO guy? Dude loves drugs.

Travis Kelce’s ACL appears to be intact, though there’s no clear timetable on his return. Suicide watch for anyone who drafted him top 5 in fantasy.

What is up with these Chandler Jones IG stories? Kinda weird.

Antonio Brown says he has CTE. After seeing this tweet, I believe him.

MLB: Altuve hits 3 HRs in 3 innings and Stanton hits his 400th career HR. One guy is really short and the other guy is really tall. Pretty cool.

The Angels can’t stop fucking up, use body double for Shohei during team picture day. To be fair, they look exactly alike.

The Mets season from hell gets worse, as pitcher Carlos Carrasco’s season ends with freak dumbbell accident.

BALK OFF! Electric ending.

CFB: New AP Top 25 released. Colorado and Duke enter top 25, FSU climbs to #4 and Clemson falls to #25.

I should follow Dr. Locks so I don’t go 0-9 this weekend again.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Let her party. Joe Jonas reportedly divorcing Sophie Turner because she ‘likes to go out, he likes to stay at home.’ We’ll take her off your hands for ya, bud.

Feeling lonely or poor? This Australian woman charges $631 a month for ‘hot bedding’ aka sharing a queen bed with her. Some of you are too horny.

Save Our Influencers. Spanish model Marina Rivers criticized after securing perfect IG photo in ‘deadly cave’ closed to the public after multiple deaths.

Top 3 best parts of this Gary Busey hit and run video:

1) She asks him for his insurance, he says Progressive. Not how that works.

2) Him wearing an NFL hat. Very Rob Lowe of him.

3) Gary repeatedly saying “I’m private',” when she asks him to pay for his actions. I’m using this the next time I’m in a hit and run.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

What an absolute rocket arm from Elise. She threw that clicker with power, precision and purpose. Wouldn’t be surprised to learn that father is 50 Cent.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• What OpenAI really wants. 

• This cop is probably going to jail…horny jail! AYO.

• I could spend hours reading Community Notes Violate people.

• The 50 Worst Decisions in TV History.

• Really proud of Willy for scoring on a professional soccer goalie. Twice.