MONTHLY MAILBAG | APRIL

Welcome to our first edition of the Daily Friday Monthly Mailbag. We got over 50 questions and I couldn’t be more thankful. They were all fantastic and I love you all romantically.

If we didn’t get to yours, we might still use them next month / whenever we do this next. If you didn’t get a chance to ask, hammer your question into the survery below.

This is a new segment for us, so let us know what you think by replying directly to this email or filling out the poll at at the bottom. Let’s get into it.

Is hitting your hometown bar alone a Fringe Guy move? - Ross

It’s not a Fringe Guy move, it’s a Power Move.

We’ve all been there. Maybe you’re home for the holidays and need to get out of the house. Maybe you just graduated, so you move back home to figure it out (jack off and play Madden) while your buddies start adding shareholder value in a big city. Maybe your boy Matt Damon left you to rot in Boston while he did physics with some hot British chick in LA and you’ve got no one to crush beers and ask Harvard kids if they like apples with.

Point is, there’s no shame in hitting the home town bar by yourself. Or any bar for that matter. It’s the perfect opportunity to achieve one of the greatest joy in life: becoming boys with the bartender.

My one tip is to put your phone away. You can look at Twitter at home. Talk to people, watch the game, go play pool, or just sit there and stare off into the distance. Chicks dig that shit. You got it.

What is one chain restaurant you could eat every meal at for the rest of your life? - Jono

Fantastic question, Jono and something I’ve often pondered. For the sake of the hypothetical, let’s assume that cooking your own food is not an option, money isn’t an object, and you can’t buy in bulk and save leftovers for the next day. You have to hit up a location every single meal.

I’ve identified 4 main criteria for selecting a chain restaurant.

1) Large menu so you don’t get bored

2) Serves breakfast, lunch and dinner

3) Many locations that are open every day of the week (sorry Chick-Fil-A, I’m not fasting on Sundays.)

4) Food is delicious and somewhat healthy.

Cheesecake Factory immediately jumps out to me for its extensive menu that spans multiple cuisines from around the world. That shit is 20 pages long - you’re not gonna get bored. You will get fat as fuck, so I’m out.

Waffle House is another solid option. Open 24/7, food smacks, and you’re covered breakfast-dinner. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a ton of locations in the Northeast (where I’m from) and more importantly, I’m not trying fight my way out of there every couple of days. I’m a lover, not a fighter.

My vote is Dave and Buster’s. Not only does it check all the 4 criteria listed above but think about the rewards program.

If you’re buying 2-3 meals a day, you’re RACKING up points that you can parlay into gameplay. You hit that arcade at least 3x a week, you know you’ll be elite at at least one game (probably Connect 4 Hoops.) You’ll be able to stockpile points and get a free XBox every 6 months. Worth it.

Why are we so limited on Presidential candidates? - Martin Fox

Because our country is run by power-hungry, shape shifting lizards who feed off the life force that is our tax dollars. Or an inherently flawed two-party system. Or they’re all pedophiles or something.

Idk, I can’t really keep track of all the conspiracies, but it really does fucking suck doesn’t it? It would be nice to be excited about a presidential candidate, but I can’t see that happening anytime soon. Even if we did, we’ll just tear them down and force them to resign (RIP George Santos.)

The good thing is, nothing is real anyways. So who the fuck cares?

Would you rather be the world’s best tetherball player or have $100? And if you were to be the world's best tetherball player, what would your walk-up song be? - Harry D

Are you fucking kidding me Harry? $100 is chump change. That’s like barely enough for dinner and 13 drinks. That’s my weekly Zyn budget. Be real, please.

Also, tetherball is fucking sick. You know what sounds like a dream afternoon? Posting up at a t-ball court, sipping some beers, spinning some rope for like 2-3 hours, and maybe hustling local teens out of allowance money. If chicks are watching, great, but it’s not about that. It’s about me, that ball, and that big shiny pole glistening in the sun. That’s all I need. I’d pay to rock at tetherball.

Besides, do you have any idea how rare it is to be the best at something in the entire world? I don’t care what it is, I will always take “Best in the World” over something as useless as ‘money.’

Oh and walkup song would obviously be ‘Right Round’ by Flo Rida, featuring the queen Ke$sha (what did exactly did she mean by ‘wake up in the morning, feeling like P. Diddy’ btw? Might be a future mailbag deep dive.)

How do you get over a breakup? - Anonymous

You don’t. You will wear the scars of heartbreak forever and carry pain in your soul until the day you die. It will never get easier but you will get stronger. And that’s the best part.

There is beauty in broken things. Perfect is boring. That’s why AI will fail and why I have multiple typos every newsletter. Life is about living and living can be messy. That’s what makes it fun. Celebrate the parts of you that hurt and the fact that you can hurt. That’s how you know you’re alive.

Also, having sex with strangers helps. Like a lot. It’s better if they’re hot, but not always mandatory. It’s best if they’re friends with your ex. Good luck out there.