Sinners sets record with 16 Oscar Nominations, while Wicked gets 0 noms and Chalamet becomes youngest actor with 3 Best Actor noms since Brando. Smart move by Safdie removing this ending - there’s only space for one vampire movie this year.
It’s a great day to be a robot, as Tesla announces Optimus robots will be available to
marry bc human women are scarypurchase by 2027, Waymo goes live in Miami, and Kawhi Leonard scores 24 points in his first game back.5 of the biggest alcoholic makers in the world are sitting on a ‘lake’ of unsold alcohol due to declining demand. Anyone got directions to that lake and want to help join me solve that problem by EOD? Let’s change the world.
Olympic snowboarder turned drug kingpin Ryan Wedding was finally caught after a year on the run. We now have the final chapter in what will surely be the 2028 Best Picture nom (the only acceptable movie adaptation titles.)
Alex Honnold will be doing a live free-solo climb on Neflix tonight, as he attempts to scale the world’s tallest skyscraper in Taipei. Remarkable, but I won’t be impressed until he does it on his ex-girlfriend’s apartment like Chet.
BREAKING: the world’s only podcast (Daily Friday) is now going to drop 2x a week, blessing your ears every Tuesday and Thursday. With newsletters dropping MWF, the Daily Friday is truly Daily for the first time ever. Something to tell your grandkids about.
Check out our latest episode, as we chatted all the news that was fit to podcast this week with Dan Carney (an OG in the DF universe) and comedian/reality TV caster Jack Atkins, who tells you how you can be on Traitors next year. LFG.
CROTCH-GATE
We haven’t even made it to the Opening Ceremonies yet and we already have a massive penis scandal at the Winter Olympics, already a few weeks ahead of the Summer Olympics timeline (who can forget the French Pole Vaulter’s Hog Heard ‘Round the World?) Go figure.
On the off chance that some of you don’t have “Norwegian Crotch Enlargement” flagged as a Google Alert like I do (don’t ask) and have no idea what I’m talking about, LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
“Ahhhhh I hope I don’t fall on my massive artificial bulge ahhhhhh” - this guy probably
This week, coaches and an equipment manager for the Norwegian ski-jumping team have been suspended for 18
inchesmonths for adding extra stitching to the crotch areas of their skiiers last year. Why bother with the sewing machine? Anyone who’s spent a second on PornHub knows there are several of excellent products that help with this issues for just a few payments of $49.99/month.Apparently, the act of enlarging the penis region helps the skier jump farther, “similar to how a bigger sail makes a boat move quicker.” Good to know. I’ve been stuffing my bulge for years, but that was just to impress strangers sitting across from me on the subway. Had no idea there were other benefits as well.
Norwegian ski jumper Halvor Egner Granerud was apparently stunned by the claims, calling the “idea of genital manipulation completely absurd.” Must be nice to never have the idea of artificially increasing your schlong ever cross your mind. We get it dude, you’re super hung and tan and rich and stuff 🙄🙄
While the good folks on the Olympic committee spend the next few days examining every ski jumpers bulges, let’s all take some time to reflect on the most important message of this entire saga: big penises are a crime against nature, god, and the IOC. We should be trying to decrease crotch size, not increase it. Please lock in.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Florida man arrested for using ketchup packets as a weapon, brutally threw an open packet at a man who suffered “two spots of ketchup on his jacket.” Not only could he have killed him, but he also wasted good ketchup. Give him the chair.
There are starving Dylan/Cole Sprouses in Big Daddy who would die for that ketchup, sir.
PSA: if you’re trying to roll in my crew this year, don’t even THINK about showing up to in anything besides these $150 Lego Crocs. This is the future of footwear and I won’t hear otherwise. God, these are swaggy.
Stop stepping on Legos in your bare feet and step on Legos with Legos on your feet (does that make sense at all?)
Martin Short revealed to Jimmy Kimmel that he mistakenly cut Selena Gomez’s wedding cake to give Steve Martin a slice. Going up to a fresh cake at a wedding and just cutting yourself a slice is a bonkers move, but I have to respect it. GOAT behavior.
I would never criticize the man behind Jiminy Glick, but that’s a pretty wild move there Martin.
After watching this clip of a kid asking Jordan Poole what it was like to be punched by Draymond Greene, I’ve officially decided that we need more child reporters. Give that boy a Pulitzer - these are the hard hitting questions we should demand from journalism.
This is still one of the craziest things that’s ever been leaked
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
Welcome to the grind. We got another beautiful slate of football this weekend. Time to make bank with some picks from Dr. Locks and Glue Guy on tonight’s action.
SEASON RECORD: 35-31
New England Patriots at Denver Broncos: Broncos +4.5
LA Rams at Seattle Seahawks: Rams +2.5
UFC 324: Sean O’Malley ML (over Song Yadong) + Paddy Pimblett ML (over Justin Gaethje)
Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US) Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA)
*21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. See BetMGM.com for Terms. US Promotional offers not available in Ontario and Puerto Rico
NEW AFTV SEASON JUST DROPPED
Oh lawdddd we are back. Season 8 is off to a hot start with this lil’ sucker. ENJOYYYYY.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
I still don’t know why Abella Danger apologized for being shown on camera at the National Championship, but she never needed to apologize to us (reply to Dan’s DM please.)
Read this on your lunch break: Dramas Keep Showing Hapless Men and Hypercompetent Women.
Subscribing to the Could Be the Movesletter? Could be the move (this bad boy is officially my new favorite newsletter.)
If you’re not locking in on the Water Pouring World Championships this weekend, you really need to re-examine your life.
A head to head showdown between 2016 and now is a quality piece of journalism.
It’s borderline impossible to not watch this Broncos edit and get fired the hell up. Well done, Who’s Next.
Feeling very old about it, but gotta admit that it’s pretty sick Rondo’s son is this good as a 12 year old. If he was my dad, I’d be a little better, but it’s still very impressive.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Frank Sinatra ‘My Way’ edit, epic version. Just to send you off into the weekend. Let’s do it our way.
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