RIP to Sister Jean, who passed away at 106 after leading Loyola Chicago to two Sweet 16 appearances. Thank god Gene Simmons survived this SUV accident where he fainted while driving his car. Couldn’t lose both in one day.
Bo Skattebo may be the White Boy of the year, runs for 3 TDs as the Giants shock the Eagles on TNF. Dude has always been built different. If you’re not hammering these shirts, you just don’t get fashion.
Domino’s gets a rebrand, featuring a new color scheme and a jingle by Shaboozey. I swear to god if they Cracker Barrel my Dominos, I’m gonna go crazy. Things haven’t been the same since they made the green M&M not sexy.
RIP to the Yankees and Phillies, who saw their seasons come to an end. This play was a hell of a way to go out for Philly. Really gotta sting to be Jeter and A-Rod during this moment here. Two Game 5s this weekend, LFG.
The 10th escaped New Orleans convict was found after 5 months on the run. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
We made it through another week. LeFraud should be sued by the world (not just this guy), Mark Sanchez went full Jets mode, Amelia Earhart conspiracies soared, and of course, a new farting world record was set. We covered it all & more on the podcast: watch on YouTube, listen on Spotify and Apple. Choice is yours.
MANHUNT OVER
Congratulations to anyone who parlayed ‘Derrick Groves, Last Prisoner Found’ and ‘over 5 months’ for the New Orleans prison break: you’re a very rich person.
In case you were doing more important things like ‘having a job’ and ‘talking to women,’ back in May, 10 prisoners escaped from a New Orleans prison in the dead of the now. On Tuesdya night, the last man Derrick Groves, was found. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
is this just viral marketing for that new Channing Tatum movie? stay woke
During evening lockdown on May 16th, 10 inmate used electric hair trimmers to cut through a wall behind a cell’s toilet, escaped through the hole and left a message behind that said ‘To Easy LoL.’ Crazy to execute a Shawshank level escape and then misspell a very common adverb. No offense, boys.
They scampered across the yard (video is sick, god what a rush that must’ve been) and a maintenance worker later said he helped them after they threatened his life with a shank. Despicable. You must be willing to die for your minimum wage job at any moment (i’m completely kidding and would easily stop doing my job at the slightest inconvenience.)
While 3 inmates were caught within 48 hours, some lasted up to 6 weeks until the 9th prisoner “turned himself in” after being surrounded by law enforcement. Not sure if that counts as ‘turning yourself in’ but I’ll allow it. Derrick Groves, however, stayed on the run and a national manhunt began.
Derrick Groves was finally caught in Atlanta, after a 3 hour standoff that involved gassing and a K-9 at a crawlspace at the home of a woman who was his girlfriend and former jailer (insane to pull a gf while in prison btw,) who also ALLEGEDLY called the cops on him after they got into an argument. Sad to see. If those two can’t make it work, what chance do any of us have?
There is a LOT to break down about this story (including some insane backstory about Grove’s murders that may have been revenge for his grandma?) and we covered all of it on the podcast today. One of the wilder stories of the year.
DOC’S LOCKS
Welcome to the grind. We got another beautiful slate of college football this weekend. Time to make bank with some picks from Dr. Locks and Glue Guy.
SEASON RECORD: 9-9
just have fun out there Arch! We love you no matter what, buddy
#6 Oklahoma at Texas: Texas ML
#10 Georgia at Auburn: Auburn +3.5
#8 Alabama at #14 Missouri: Mizzou +3
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Vermont middle school substitute teacher did so much cocaine that she mistook a student for her dog. Most incredible performance from a sub since Ned Schnebley took second in Battle of the Bands at Horace Green with Megan from Drake & Josh.
MEGANNNNNN!!!!!!!!!
BREAKING: Dolly Parton is still alive, comes out and say “I ain’t dead yet’ despite confusing Facebook statuses from her relatives. Probably the most relatable an A-list celebrity has ever been (don’t you dare say she’s not A-list. On this newsletter she is.)
This is your weekly reminder that Dolly Parton was the original Mommy. Wawaweewa
A semi-truck carrying 46,000 pounds of applesauce overturned on a highway and spilled it’s load all over an Illinois road. Every grandma and 3 year old within 100 miles is going to starve to death tonight. Someone fix this.
I mean this just looks like diarrhea. i’d love to swim in it
You know what, fuck it. Good for Jonah Hill, who seems to have lost perhaps 200 pounds (??) for a role. Thank you for proving just how versatile the human body can be when you have unlimited money, Ozempic, and wardrobe options at your disposal.
We’re really just skeletons with muscle, fat and skin. People forget that
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
WE TRIED EVERY DRINK AT HARRY POTTER WORLD
They’ve done it again. Another perfect piece of content, this time featuring the one and only Luke Null. My career ambition is to join one of these someday. A man can dream.
Buying Cannabis Online Is Now Legal, And Incredibly Convenient
Thanks to changing laws buying THC online is now 100% federally legal.
And when it comes to quality, reliability and ultimate convenience, Mood is leading the way…
Because, instead of memorizing confusing strain names – you simply choose how you want to feel: Creative, Social, Focused, Relaxed, Happy, Aroused, and more.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Nothing has convinced me to lock in to hockey this season more than this right here. I can’t wait to learn Canadian geography, say cool shit, and finally be a minority for once in my life.
Read this on your lunch break: You Have No Idea How Hard it is to be a Re-Enactor.
Dan from Bushwick episode 2 is another masterpiece by Mr. Carney. Well done, sir.
I’m in a party-gap relationship in every single relationship I’ve ever been in. Good read here.
I think we’ve finally done it: the only good use of AI. A+ work from intern Jackson.
The Girl Who Made Walking Cool. Love to see a Twitter person make it to the NYT. LFG.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Mike Alstott up the gut for 5 straight minutes. Let’s fucking have one tonight, gentlemen.
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