The Daily Friday: Friday 10/11

1. Hurricane Milton hits FL, leaving millions without power, ripping off the Tropicana’s roof, and bodying Anderson Cooper but avoiding a worst-case scenario. Lt. Dan survived the night, but his reputation did not. Not stunning.

2. Both NY baseball teams advance in playoffs, as Yankees clear the benches to beat Royals and Grimace and Co take down the Phillies. Need a Subway Series. If it was anything like 2000, it’ll be electric.

3. Hackers launch cyberattack on Internet Archives, the home to a digital library of online content spanning the lifespan of the web. Please don’t delete 2 Girls 1 Cup or the Crichton Leprechaun video. I watch these twice a week.

4. TD Bank forced to pay $3 billion fine in cartel money laundering case, becomes first bank to plead guilty to conspiracy charges. Clearly Saul Goodman was not available to defend them or it would’ve been fine.

5. Elon’s building a robot army. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

ELON’S ROBOT ARMY

Last night, Elon Musk revealed an insane lineup of robotic cars, vans and friend replacements at a Tesla event at an event called ‘WeRobot.’ Perfectly named, I’m not worried about him recreating Will Smith’s 8th best movie at all. Feel a lot better now.

During the event, the world’s second most sterile man (after Nick Cannon of course) showcased 3 new products, all set to be released in 2026 or later. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

The Robovan: a massive, autonomous van that can seat up to 20 people and be used for commercial or personal use, which is wild. Imagine booking this for a bachelor party and pulling up to Dave and Buster’s in this bad boy? You’ll have to beat the ladies off with a stick.

It likely won’t start production until late 2027, which gives me plenty of time to make 17 more friends and fill this sucker up.

The ‘Cybercab’: an autonomous vehicle that can fit up to two passengers and lacks steering wheels or pedals. And no, that doesn’t mean it moves like a Fred Flintstone car (trust me I looked it up.) It’s essentially a Waymo, but for people who listen to Joe Rogan’s podcast, wear leather jackets and won’t shut up about crypto and how democracy is dying because of woke or something.

Elon said he expects the car to arrive by 2027 and only cost $30k. That’s my yearly Lucy budget. Pass.

The Optimus Robot: an AI powered humanoid that’s an update to a 2022 model, with faster walking speeds, hand movements, and ability to chop it up with the homies. During the announcement, Elon pitched it as a do-anything bot that can “be a teacher, babysit your kids, serve drinks, just be your friend. Whatever you can think of, it will do.” If it can stand up to my stepdad Greg at Thanksgiving, then I’ll buy immediately. It’s going to be stealing our girl in 3 months anyways. Kinda the least he can do.

The most recent timeline has the product coming out in 2026. Shoud be enough time to train so we can beat him in rock paper scissors.

THE DOC’S LOCKS

The good doctor, Dr. Locks, is here all season long to help you sweat through your bets. As always, we’ll be partnering with BetMGM, so make sure you sign up today using FBDAILY for up to $1500 in free bets.

Make sure you follow Hold the Phone on YouTube and watch live every Thursday and Sunday at noon EST for more picks.

Season Record: 10-7

#4 Penn State at USC: USC +4.5

Serious question: has Penn State played anyone this year? Look for the Trojans to come out fired up and pissed off after last week’s loss to Minnesota and take it to the Nittany Lions at home under the lights. Might even sprinkle a little ML action to feed the family.

#2 Ohio State at #3 Oregon: Oregon +3

There’s one rule I always follow: always fade Ryan Day. After last week’s chaos, this could be the most important game of the year. With the stake high, I’ll always take the best QB (Gabriel) and the home field advantage. Ducks, but could be a doozy.

#18 Kansas State at Colorado: Colorado +4

Don’t look now, but the Buffs are 4-1 overall, 2-0 in the Pac 12 and have just one more ranked team on their schedule. This is easily their Colorado’s most important game of the year and shot to make a statement. Travis Hunter wants to stay on Heisman map and Deion’s not gonna let them go down without a fight at home. Book it.

Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US)
Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY)
Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA)

21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ), 1-800-BETS-OFF (IA),1-800-981-0023 (PR). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. See BetMGM.com for Terms. US promotional offers not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

A Piss Bandit has been leaving bottles of urine around a town for years, remains unidentified. Don’t reveal yourself, man. I was my town’s Cum Bandit and can no longer be near schools or contact the Chili’s hostess after I came clean. Fame is not worth it.

Walgreens is spending $184k/month powering Redbox kiosks even after the business went bankrupt. Just replace the DVDs with Galaxy Gas and vapes. The future is here.

Got no issue with Jessica Chastain complaining about getting a mere $15 refund from JetBlue after her in-flight entertainment didn’t work. When else are you supposed to watch the 4th best movie of 2022 or catch up on 2 seasons of CSI: Miami? Disgrace.

Washington woman who fed raccoons for 35+ years has yard invaded by 100+ of them. Perfect chance to train them to eat biscuits like Pocohontas raccoon, tour the country and then when it all goes sour, skin them for Davy Crockett hats to make a buck.

SECRET SHOPPER

Genuinely in awe of the acting performance from Elise and Sarah Levy here. Most importantly, as a lover of all things Young Sheldon, this sketch was everything I want in a piece of comedy. And I don’t say that lightly.

Put this sucker up on your second monitor this afternoon and chuckle your way into the weekend. You deserve it.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• The Aaron Hernandez show on FX is quickly become a must-watch and a masterclass in cringe. Glue Guy put together the most insane moments.

• Read this on your lunch break (especially if you battle migranes): A Head is a Territory of Light.

• Happy 30th birthday to Pulp Fiction. Enjoy a ranking of Quentin Tarantino’s greatest characters of all time. Gimp not being in the top 10 is a travesty.

• On a Strider Wilson kick like me this week? Then throw up the Joel Osteen impersonation video from Vice and start the weekend off right.

• How millions of cars could be hacked, tracked and started remotely thanks to one simple website bug. Well, that’s terrifying as shit.

• This chart breaking down the movies with the largest disparity between movie ratings between men and women blew my mind. Since when is Brokeback Mountain for chicks? Me and the boys watch that together bi-weekly.

• Happy weekend you wart-hog faced baffoons. Here’s a 10 minute compilation of the best movie insults of all time to put on at the pregame with your absolute boys. Start the evening off with an extremely hostile note.