The Daily Friday: Friday 10/25

1. World Series starts tonight in a battle between Dallas Cowboys fans’ two favorite baseball teams. I’m calling it now: Yankees in 7. At least they know how to handle public transportation.

2. North Korean operatives are infiltrating Western companies as remote IT workers and demanding ransom for sensitive data. Really wishing I didn’t give our new rep Jim Kung Un all the company’s info. Knew that was a fake name.

3. KFC, Taco Bell & Pizza Hut remove onions from kitchens after McDonald’s blames the food for e.coli outbreak that has now infected 75 people in 13 states. Onions went from saving Hector Zeroni to poisoning a nation. Smdh.

4. The presidential election is just 11 days away and honestly, I kinda can’t wait for this to be over. I only want to hear about politics if Stephen A Smith is talking about it. Unleashing that man on political debate shows is just not fair.

5. Rams beat the Vikings in TNF but the real story of the night? Al Michaels fucking loves steak. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

Some massive news…the first episode of Glory Daze, our new podcast with Johnny Manziel, has dropped with the only first guest that would make sense: Tavon Austin, the human highlight tape himself. Perfect way to start the weekend.

STAT OF THE WEEK

I wish I loved anything in life as much as Al Michaels loves steak.

Last night, the TNF ran a graphic about the iconic announcer’s eating habits that simply blew my mind. I’m talking the type of numbers that would make Barry Bonds, Wilt Chamberlain or this chick jealous. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

• Toscana is an Italian eatery in Brentwood, CA with a 4.3 rating on Google Reviews. It’s a solid, reasonably priced, restaurant located in a suburban strip mall. Aka the perfect recipe for a go-to spot. Might have my birthday there.

• 4,121 total trips is 2x a week for 40 years. Al Michaels is 79 years old. Assuming he hasn’t been able to get it up without blue pills in like 10 years, there’s a chance he has visited this restaurant more times than he’s had sex in his life.

  • Sidenote: how old are you when you stop masturbating? Genuinely curious.

• There were 449 occasions when he did NOT order steak which begs the question…what did he order? The reviews seem to mention the spaghetti with clams as a top dish, which sounds nice. It should be noted that not a single review mentions the steak, which makes this even incredible. He’s not even hammering their signature dish. That’s real eater move.

• 0 veggies consumed is iconic. The richer you get, the more you can eat like a child. The man put in his dues and now he’s living the life he deserves. Kudos.

I fully get this move. Nothing better in life than finding your spot, going multiple times a week and ordering the same thing every single time. It eliminates decision making, the staff starts to knows you by name, and you might even get a sandwich named after you.

Life Lesson: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

THE DOC’S LOCKS

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As always the good doctor, Dr. Locks, is here all season long to help you sweat through your bets. Make sure you follow Hold the Phone on YouTube and watch live every Thursday and Sunday at noon EST for more picks.

Season Record: 13-10

#5 Texas at #25 Vanderbilt: Vandy +19.5

Everyone’s riding Texas’ dick after the W over Bama and now it’s up to Vandy to give them a proper SEC welcome. The boys are buzzy in Nashville this year, following up their Bama upset with a W over a tough Kentucky squad. Cover should be a cakewalk.

#12 Notre Dame at #24 Navy: Navy +13.5

It’s a big year for the service academies (Army’s also undefeated) and the best way to show my appreciation for our troops is toss a unit on a cover. Navy’s hot and I’m betting the Midshipmen will ground and pound Notre Dame into submission. Don’t let me down.

#8 LSU at #14 Texas A&M: Texas A&M ML

Say it with me everyone: always fade Brian Kelly in primetime games on the road. The Aggies are sneaky underrated and even though the Tigers walloped Arkansas last week, College Station is a hell of a tough place to play. Gimme A&M outright.

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Restaurant busted after serving pizza with a side of garlic knots and cocaine. Such bullshit. I’ve been ordering this for years and never once got any garlic knots. Rip-off.

Man nearly kills 46 coworkers at work potluck with food he brought. Need that recipe. I’m 46 steps from CEO and tired of climbing the ladder the old-fashioned way.

What happened to comedy in this country that a woman gets charged with reckless homicide for ‘jokingly’ shooting a man in the penis? That’s a hilarious bit, not a crime.

Corinna Kopf retires from OnlyFans after making $67 million over 3 years. Personally, I’d rather sign Kentavious Caldwell-Pope for that money, but team-building philosophies vary across franchises. There’s no right way to win a title.

LOCAL COMMERCIALS BE LIKE

I didn’t even have to look at the credits to know this was written and directed by Liam. Just a masterpiece here.

THE HUMAN HIGHLIGHT TAPE

Just popping back in to remind you all to watch Johnny’s first episode with Tavon Austin. It’s really good. Thanks friends 🤝🤝🤝🤝

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• MASSIVE DISCLAIMER THAT THIS COULD BE JUST A RUMOR: Jamie Foxx’s health scare last year was because he was poisoned by Diddy. At least that’s what his bodyguard and everyone on Tik-Tok says.

• Read this on your lunch break: Is the future of film just old movies?

• The greatest editors in the world are currently on NBA Tik-Tok right now. And I think that’s a really beautiful thing.

• Should an AI chatbot be held responsible for a teen’s suicide? Honestly, yes.

• Anyone else remember when celebrities used to be cool?

• It’s Friday. Throw up the greatest blooper reel of all time (Will Ferrell’s 2010 classic The Other Guys) on the TV at the pregame tonight to set the mood right.