The Daily Friday: Friday 10/4

1. Mets come back and beat Brewers thanks to 9th inning homer from Pete Alonso, advance to divisional round to face the Phillies. Let the battle of Taylor Ham vs. Pork Roll commence.

2. Port union agrees to suspend strike until January 15th after agreeing to a 62% salary increase. Finally, Costco won’t be over-run with people stocking up on supplies and Big Justice and AJ can get back to the studio 😤

3. Bank of America system outages leads to some users seeing a balance of $0 in their accounts. God, that would be nice. After paying rent and the guy extorting me for feet pics online, I’m currently at -$213.

4. Rudy Giuliani tried to text the Governor of Michigan to over-turn the 2020 election, but accidentally texted the wrong person instead. Extremely relatable. This is exactly how I’d be if I had any level of power.

5. HBO’s new Bitcoin documentary out Tuesday claims that it has discovered Satoshi Nakomato, the founder of the coin worth $73 billion and the person ‘will shock you’ and ‘have election implications.’ It’s definitely Hawk Tuah girl.

WILL SMITH IS A GENERATIONAL FARTER

I haven’t been this impressed with Will Smith since Hitch came out (it’s the greatest movie ever and if you disagree, please unsubscribe.)

This week, the director of Men In Black dropped an all time revelation about Will Smith, calling him a “farter” who “once cleared an entire soundstage for 3 hours” with one particularly foul ass rip. Holy fuck.

That’s one of the most incredible things I’ve ever heard and that’s coming from a guy who once cleared an entire bar with a fart. Any guy can give the anal salute, but with the Fresh Prince, it’s a full blown butt bongo brigade. Plus, you know it’s not because of what he eats: he’s definitely on one of those Hollywood / Brady diets where you can only eat raspberries and cow placenta. This is just pure, unadultered, farting prowess and you have to respect it.

Is there anything Will Smith is NOT good at (besides keeping his wife happy, not being on the Diddy list, making a good movie in the last 10 years and not smacking the living shit out of Chris Rock at the Oscars?) Legend.

PS: I’m REALLY curious about how this even came up. I’m sure I could read the article but I have a lot going on, so someone just lmk what it’s all about. Thanks.

THE DOC’S LOCKS

The good doctor, Dr. Locks, is here all season long to help you sweat through your bets. As always, we’ll be partnering with BetMGM, so make sure you sign up today using FBDAILY for up to $1500 in free bets.

Season Record: 9-5

#12 Ole Miss at South Carolina: South Carolina +9.5

The Rebel’s playoff hopes on the line this weekend against an under-rated Gamecocks team that hopefully will get QB LaNorris Sellers back. Miss should win, but I’m banking on home field to help the Cocks eke out a cover. Gonna be a sweater.

#9 Missouri at #25 Texas A&M: Mizzou +2.5

The Aggies can put points on the board, but Mizzou’s defense is absurd (ranked #3 in the nation.) Look for them to come into College Station and shut down freshman QB Marcel Reed while doing just enough to pull out the cover, if not a sneaky W. Hammer.

#10 Michigan at Washington: Washington ML

These two teams are VERY different teams from the national title game 9 months ago. New coaches, new conferences, new QBs (a specific point of weakness for Michigan.) Michigan keeps pulling out wins, but it will come to an end in their first road game of the year. Gimme the Huskies.

Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US)
Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY)
Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA)

21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ), 1-800-BETS-OFF (IA),1-800-981-0023 (PR). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. See BetMGM.com for Terms. US promotional offers not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Relatable: man stole an ambulance to drive to a hearing for his stolen car charge, was promptly arrested. Exactly how it feels when you drink to beat a hangover then get hungover again (incredible.)

Two twin sisters say that they want to share a boyfriend to have threesomes with. I think they took the wrong message from that Menendez Brothers Netflix show.

Couple injured in an Uber can’t sue because they signed away their rights by placing an UberEats order. Exactly why I never use Uber (i’m banned for asking the drivers 'how long ya been driving for?’ and ‘do you miss your family back home?’ too much.)

AFTV SEASON 4 IS HERE

My thoughts on this video are as follows: Hummina, Hummina, Humminga AWOOOOGAAAA *pulls train whistle as steam pours out my ears and I levitate in the air like a man smelling a delicious pie in a windowsill.* Mercy me!

The production quality on this one was simply absurd. Another banger from the boys, but what else is new 🤝🤝

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Get ready to go down a deep rabbit hole on this woman who found a rug buried in her yard and called the police. It’s definitely a ghost.

• Read this on your lunch break: the future of the Internet is clogged with AI slop.

• The City of Boise’s first Tik-Tok is so good I might just move there, meet a nice Boisian lady, settle down and have 2.5 children who don’t respect me. The American Dream.

• The Definitive Ranking of Clowns is very strong work, but it’s missing one important clown: you. SUCK IT NERD. Just joking I love you, reader.

• My one takeaway from this video on animals without fur is that chimps are fucking shredded. I need to get some monkey steroids ASAP. His body is nuts.

• Happy Friday. Enjoy 5 minutes of the NFL’s hardest hits to start the weekend off right.