The Daily Friday: Friday 11/15

1. Mike Tyson and Jake Paul are set to fight tonight live on Netflix with a massive purse on the line ($40M??) I’m hammering Tyson after seeing his pre-fight slap and existential dread. He hasn’t lost a step.

2. The Onion buys InfoWars, the site that Alex Jones was forced to sell after a $1B settlement with Sandy Hook families. A fake news site buying another fake news site. Love to see it (their statement was chef’s kiss.)

3. RFK Jr. is appointed as Head of Health and Human Services by Trump with plans to tackle processed foods. If he gets rid of Uncrustables or Nerds Clusters, I’ll turn into the Joker. Rudy Gobert: talk to your boy, before I have to.

4. Congressional testimony around UFOs continues, with former intelligence officers claiming we are ‘not alone in the cosmos.’ And? Hawk Tuah girl just revealed who Pookie was; I have way more important shit to worry about.

5. It’s been a massive week for fraud. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

THIS WEEK IN FRAUD

Happy Fraud Friday. It has been a BIG week in hare-brained schemes and it’s time to celebrate our Scam Superstars of the Week. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

Operation Bear Claw: four dudes dressed up in bear suits, destroyed a Mercedes and 2 Rolls Royces, showed the footage to insurers and collected $142k after claiming it was a real bear that destroyed their cars.

How drunk were they when they came up with this idea? What was the back-up plan? You stand on each other’s shoulders, wear a long trench coat and say Viktor Wembanyama destroyed your car? I guess if you’re gonna get busted, it might as well be in hilarious fashion.

Operation Eastern European girlfriend: a Wisconsin man took out a $372k life insurance policy, faked his own death and fled to Uzbekistan to live with his Internet girlfriend.

Reminds me of the dad who staged his own death last year to make sure his kids appreciated him, but way hornier. In my experience, this ‘woman in Uzbektistan’ is definitely a dude named Boris who is turning you into Manti Teo. That doesn’t mean it’s not real love, though. Follow your heart.

Operation Pretend to Be Blind so Everyone Feels Bad and You Can Be a Famous Singer: Carmelo Anthony finally exposed Stevie Wonder as a fraud, says the singer once told him that he ‘always loved watching him play.’ Likely thing for a blind guy to say. Let me guess, Helen Keller also loved hearing him sing? Jason Sudeikis loves your new deodorant? The jig is up Steven. Take off the shades.

THE DOC’S LOCKS

Don’t look now but the good doctor has won 6 straight bets, bringing his season record to a ridiculous 21-11. That’s insane.

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Season Record: 21-11

#20 Clemson at Pittsburgh: Clemson -10

The Tigers still have a shot at making the ACC title game and sneaking their way into the CFP in a few weeks. You know Dabo is gonna pull out all the stops. Book it.

#7 Tennessee at #12 Georgia: Under 47.5

Simple bet: I love the defenses here and I don’t trust either of these QBs, especially Carson Beck. What the hell happened to that dude? Look for a low scoring game with lots of turnovers to go around. Hammering that under.

#1 Oregon at Wisconsin: Oregon -14

Oregon is a wagon. I’d take them -28 here. Fly Ducks Fly.

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Perfect first date: hit the hoops version of TopGolf, suck down 2 personal pitchers, drop a triple double on her head, and pass out in the bathroom from dehydration and alcohol poisoning. I’d rather never find love than lose a matchup in the low post.

Relatable: Josh Brolin reveals in an interview that he uses nicotine pouches 24 hours a day. He’d blow through the entire Lucy vending machine in our office in a week. Hero.

Chart reveals most attractive hobbies to women and there has to be a mistake. Sorry ladies, but you have no idea what makes dudes attractive. Here’s an accurate version.

Cameron Brink will officially be an SI Swimsuit model and I’m just glad she’s alive. I’ve been DMing her ‘uppies pls’ for the 6 weeks straight and she hasn’t even read it, so I was worried something happened. She probably just hasn’t checked her phone though.

ESCAPING THE FRIENDZONE

This was an all-timer. If you click one link on this email today, make sure it’s to watch this one. This needs to be a feature film by 2026 or I’ve lost all faith in the world.

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Lesean McCoy hopped on episode 4 of Glory Daze with Johnny Manziel to chop it up about his legendary college days, his beef with Chip Kelly and Vick’s return from jail. A must listen.

• Read this on your lunch break: Schools vs Screens breaks down what happened when Canada tried to remove phones from classrooms.

• Zuck’s cover of Get Low with T-Pain goes extremely hard (biggg wife guy) but it came in a close second to this dude’s rap verse for banger of the week.

• Time Magazine released a list of the top inventions of 2024 and KFC’s Chizza didn’t even make the top 200. FRAUDULENT.

• The discourse around the couple who had 270+ wedding guests and only got $3k in gifts is crazy. Giving $10 as a wedding gift should be a crime.

• It’s Friday. Throw a compilation of the biggest Wheel of Fortune fuck ups of all time up on the TV at the pregame with the fellas tonight. You deserve it.