The Daily Friday: Friday 11/22

1. Browns beat Steelers in a snowstorm during TNF, and I’m personally giving full credit to Jameis Winston’s pregame speech. How can you not want to die on the field for this man?

2. A banana duct-taped to a wall sold for $6.2 million at a Sotheby’s art auction. Foolish. Just use that $6.2 million to sign Alec Burks and Cam Payne and you’ll get WAY more crunch time scoring and playmaking off the bench.

3. Shohei Ohtani and Aaron Judge both unanimously voted MVPs, the second for Judge and third for Ohtani, who also took home $10 million. That’s not prize money, that’s just from his bookie after his ‘Ohtani for MVP’ future hit.

4. Teen nicknamed ‘God’s influencer’ will become first millennial saint, as Vatican announces his sainthood will be confirmed in April. It’s good that God gets an influencer because Satan’s has taken over my entire algorithm.

5. Glicked hits the screens. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

GLICKED DOUBLE FEATURE

Will Glicked be the new Barbenheimer? AMC sure hopes so.

After a whirlwind press tour featuring a generational run of quotes from Denzel and confusing energy from Ariana Grande and Cynthia Ervio, the two biggest movies of the fall are set to premiere this weekend: Gladiator II and Wicked.

Both movies will have to exceed expectations to hit Barbenheimer numbers (projected to hit $180M, about $60M short) but that doesn’t mean we can’t get fired the hell up.

I’ll be hammering a Glicked double feature on Saturday. Here’s my schedule

GLICKED DOUBLE FEATURE SCHEDULE

9:00 am: Edible.

9:11 am: Get scared from edible.

9:54 am: Group of teenage girls cut me in line to get snacks. Say nothing because I’m still scared from the edible.

9:59 am: Walk into the cinema and realize these same teenager grils are seated immediately in front of me. Get more scared.

10:00 am: WICKED! Get hyped

10:11 am: Leave Wicked. These girls have has been singing along to every single song at full volume. I’m also having a panic attack because I’m worried my skin has turned green (unrelated.)

10:45 am: Watch clips of the Rizzler on my phone. Finally relax.

11:00 am: Second edible.

11:11 am: Wait, why did I do that?

11:33 am: Uber to the hospital because I think my heart stopped.

12:33 pm: Still haven’t entered the hospital because revolving doors scare me.

12:45 pm: Uber back to the movie theater

1:00 PM: GLADIATORS II BABY!

3:30 PM: Leave theater. Feel weird about how Paul Mescal made me question my sexuality. Check phone: no texts.

4:00 PM: Show up to work. Get yelled at by boss (my dad) for being 8 hours late to my shift. Yell back that he’s not my real dad (he is) and I don’t have to listen to him (I do.)

4:35 PM: Stare off into distance.

5:00 PM: Go home.

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Season Record: 21-14

#14 BYU at #21 Arizona State: Arizona ML

BYU is coming off a shocking loss last week to Kansas and there’s more trouble in Tempe, where the Sun Devils host their first nationally ranked home game in 10+ years. Watch for redshirt freshman QB Sam Leavitt to stay hot and bring the W home.

#15 Texas A&M at Auburn: Auburn ML

Auburn’s had a tough go of it this year, but nothing gets a team fired up like playing spoiler on their home turf. A&M still has a shot at the SEC title, which is exactly why the Tigers will come out of the gates hard. It’ll be a tight one, but I’m taking Auburn.

#16 Colorado at Kansas: Kansas

Once again, we’re hammering a home dog tomorrow. Colorado can still make the Big 12 title game if they win out, but I’m smelling a sneaky upset tomorrow night in Arrowhead. Look for Kansas’s standout corners to shut down Hunter in a shocker.

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Thoughts and prayers for Jay Leno, who appears to be dealing with a not-that-understanding loan shark. Bummed he took my favorite excuse for showing up to work with a black eye: falling down a 60 foot hill outside a Hampton Inn (s/o Black Sheep.)

Can’t prove it but I think Kim Kardashian has definitely been fucking her robot. When the sex tape drops in a few years, I will not be watching, but you guys enjoy.

Hero of the Week: the naked man who was living under an old woman’s house for months that refused to leave, even after police dogs and multiple rounds of tear gas.

When You Have to Save the Party

Genuinely burst out laughing 3+ times watching this one while on the train yesterday. RIP to Carlita Nunez. Gone, but not forgotten 🙏🏻

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• LenDale White hopped on episode 5 of Glory Daze with Johnny Manziel to chat partying at the Playboy mansion, smoking with Snoop and setting the all time USC scoring record. Give it a listen.

• Read this on your lunch break: “PDF to Brainrot” study tools are a strange (but effective) iteration of Tik-Tok trends.

• I’m a little sleepy today because I stayed up all night watching Talking Tawk Tuah podcast clips. A+ content and I’m not being ironic.

• There is controversy over the Chill Guy meme that took over your newsfeed this week, after it was turned into a cryptocoin against the wishes of the creator.

• This was a super cool YouTube project. Good way to spend a couple hours ignoring your day.

• It’s Friday. Let’s queue up some of MLB’s greatest first pitches and coast into the weekend. You deserve it.