US men’s hockey dominates Latvia in opening game, as America looks to climb out of 3rd place in the medal count (PS - this is all-time fan commitment.) Time to lock in on curling this weekend - I’ll always support a middle aged personal injury lawyer following his dreams. LFG.
James Van Der Beek passes Wednesday, as the Dawson’s Creek and Varsity Blues star’s GoFundMe for his family now exceeds $2M. The man responsible for the greatest moment in TV history was a legend IRL. RIP.
NBA All-Star Weekend tips off in LA with the Celebrity game tonight (show us what you got, Shams.) While I appreciate the new USA vs. the World format, if NBA really wanted to fix the ASG, Nick Wright’s idea might actually work.
Kim Jong Un is close to naming his 13 year old daughter as his successor of North Korea, according to a South Korean spy agency. A female Supreme Leader before a female US president is crazy. We need JLD to run in ‘28.
Dave & Buster’s is giving away 5 engagement rings on Valentine’s Day, each worth $15k each. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
Big news: not only is today Friday the 13th (listen to our latest episode or bad luck for 13 years), but it’s actually also 2/13/26 which translates to 2 × 13 = 26, which probably means something important but I don’t really have time to research it.
Just something to bring up tonight after you bring a conversation to a screeching halt by mentioning Clavicular getting frame-mogged by an ASU frat leader for the 11th time.
DAVE & BUSTER’S DATE NIGHT
BREAKING NEWS: if you need Valentine’s Day plans this year and want to win a free engagement show, look no further than Dave and Buster’s, who is hiding 5 engagement rings in their Human Cranes on Valentine’s Day.
This sets up the perfect first date itinerary. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
Shall we head upstairs to the D&B B&B milady?
6:00 PM: I pick you up in a 2006 Honda Accord. I blow into a Breathalyzer to start the car because of a DUI that ‘wasn’t my fault.’ I hit a 0.079…success.
6:19 PM: We arrive. The bartender sees me, clenches his jaw and yells, “Get this fucking guy out of here.” I yell “shut up Jerry, there’s no law that says you have to tip.”
6:35 PM: Food arrives. I haven’t said a word for the past 16 minutes because I’m working on the NYT mini crossword.
6:37 PM: I finish my chicken fingers and personal beer tower within 90 seconds, then glance at my watch and sigh loudly until you say you’re full. I ask for the check, which we split because I’m a feminist.
6:45 PM: We hit the Human Crane. I ask you to front me $300 cash and promise I’ll give you the ring if I win. You oblige.
7:45 PM: I’ve been playing for an hour with no sign of stopping. A line begins to form of VERY angry customers. I make no move to leave.
8:04 PM: I win the engagement ring and no one is happy about it. You ask me for the ring like i promised and I say “I literally have no idea what you’re talking about, you’re being hysterical.”
8:05 PM: I suggest a sleepover at the D&B B&B. You decline.
8:16 PM: You decide to take an Uber home. I walk you to the car and lean in for the kiss. You turn away and I face plant into the sidewalk.
3:41 AM: I add you on LinkedIn and endorse you for communication.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
It brings me no joy to report that Clavicular has been mug-mogged at an NYC bar and the video is an instant classic. Today should be a national day of mourning-maxxing.
One of the more sinister images of all time. If you are in Manhattan, please do not leave your homes in the next 24 hours.
Olympic Village is already out of condoms right after the cheating Norwegian biathalon skiier wins his second medal and his ex-gf publicly refuses to take him back. Coincidence? Probably.
This is exactly what happens when you take away the anti-sex beds
A store in Norway (storeway? is that anything?) is giving away a free copy of GTA 6 if you have your baby on the exact day that the game releases. This genuinely might be the one thing that can solve the fertility and low birth rate epidemic.
You’re doing great honey but do you mind holding off for like 48 more hours? We can save $69.99 on a video game. I don’t get why you’re being so unreasonable about this
A Saskatchewan man punched a moose in the face, wrestled it into a headlock and shot it 15 times to save his mom from an attack in -40 degree weather. That might be the most rural Canadian sentence ever typed. Well done sir.
Had no idea mooses (meese?) were this big
Who You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
Well, football is over. Doesn’t mean gambling is. Time to lock in on some hoops picks from Dr. Locks and Glue Guy.
Like father, like son???
3 POINT SHOOTOUT: Kon Knueppel +380
SLAM DUNK CONTEST: Jase Richardson +360 (fuck it, Jason Richardson dunk contest highlights.)
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WE TRIED THE TOP 15 BARS IN TOKYO (IN ONE NIGHT)
This might be up there with Willy and Rusty’s best work. A must-watch piece of content.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Kink-shaming has gotten completely out of control if we’re at the point that we’re shutting down a whole hospital when a guy shoves a WW1 era bomb up his tiny little butt. We’ve allll been there.
Read this on your lunch break: The Guy Who Wrote the Viral AI Post Isn’t Trying to Scare You.
Tik-Tok is obsessed with talking parrots and it’s fueling a global black market. Technology changes the world in beautiful ways, doesn’t it?
It’s always a good day when a new Who’s Next clip drops. This singlehandedly got me fired up for the rest of the NBA season.
Scientists are learning more about why we like music. And honestly it’s pretty sick!!!
The Definitive Ranking of Rom-Coms heading into this Valentine’s Day weekend.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Clutch shots but the player is increasingly more of a benchwarmer. Just because.
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