The Daily Friday: Friday 2/28

1. Gene Hackman dies alongside his wife and dog in his home, in circumstances officials deemed “suspicious enough” to warrant an investigation. RIP to an absolute legend.

2. Long promised Epstein Files ‘released’ to a small group of influencers in a binder of already available and redacted information. Look, I love a Rick Roll as much as the next guy, but this was probably not the time. Drop the list.

3. Blue Origin space tourism crew will include Gayle King, Bezo’s gf Lauren Sanchez (remind me to start DMing more billionaires) and Katy Perry. Jeez. Her album was bad, but it wasn’t that bad. Don’t need to kick her off the planet.

4. Meta apologizes for IG glitch that caused users to get extremely violent and videos recommended to them. Why are you apologizing? Sounds sick. Bring that back, I was too busy watching this video for 24 hrs straight and missed it.

5. ‘Economic blackout’ scheduled for today, as Americans urged to not spend any money to protest to the impact of billionaires. Interesting idea, but can we exclude these shirts from that? We are trying to save Hooters here.

“GROUNDBREAKING” CHIMP PEE STUDY

A study in Japan was just released that tells us something we’ve always known: peeing together is awesome. I’m sorry, but this is where my Japanese taxes have been going? Elon would DOGE this so fast your head would spin.

These “scientists” spent 600 hours observing chimps and still could not answer one question: why did these animals like being piss partners? What a joke. You wasted 600 hours doing something I could’ve told you in 6 seconds. They like to pee together because it’s awesome.

There’s nothing quite like pissing next to your boy. Shooting the breeze at the urinal while staring straight ahead and trying not to make direct eye contact with his penis. Accidentally peeking. Feeling weird about it. Pushing him into the urinal while he’s mid stream as a joke to cut the tension. It’s awesome.

And don’t even get me started on outdoor piss parties. There’s a reason Scenic Pisses has 1.5M followers. It’s natural and it’s pure.

This transcends gender. Ladies love to go to the bathroom together too, especially at dinners and tea parties and balls and other things ladies go to. That’s probably just to make out and stuff but I’m sure there is some peeing going on as well.

So, if buddy follows you into the bathroom tonight, just know that he’s not just doing it to see if he can get a quick bump off you and will totally Venmo you later tonight. It’s because he wants to bond with you. So let him.

SUN’S OUT, RUM’S OUT

It’s been a long winter, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are knocking on the door of prime good weather season and I can feel it in my bones. Can you? 

When the sun finally starts to come out and the vibes start to turn up, nothing hits the spot quite like a Bacardi & Cola. The recipe is simple. Just 1.5 parts Bacardi Superior Rum, 3 parts cola, and a littleeee lime as garnish and you’re ready to rock. 

So what are you waiting for? Go find your perfect cocktail mix today. 

SOMEONE’S IN HERE

Another masterclass from the best sketch comedy group alive. My biggest take away from this video is that Will is a massive piece of shit for ratting on Liam like that. Fucked.

PS - the squad’s spring tour is starting to shape up, with live shows in Pittsburgh, Boston (very excited for this one), Toronto and Arlington starting March 27th. Snag yours today 🤝🤝 

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Here’s a take: I don’t care your stance on any political issue. You are not getting my vote unless you let those little piggies out to breathe like Vivek did in this interview. He’s absolutely getting Trump’s attention that’s for sure: Elon better watch his back.

Chinese company sends memo threatening to fire their single employees if they don’t get married by the end of the year. Sounds like a hell of a rom-com. They should all should just get married to each other, right? Dating a coworker always works out.

NJ massage parlor busted in prostitution ring this week was reportedly run by a woman named ‘Soon Bang.’ A job she was truly born to do. Reminds me of a girl I knew with the last name Bu who went to college at BU. Just made sense.

Movie theater ceiling gives way, collapses in the middle of Captain America screening. One of those times it would’ve been great to have Captain America.

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• I need to see the live footage of the Ian Rapoport - Jordan Schultz fight at Starbucks, but until then, I’ll take the Inside the NBA breakdown.

• Read this on your lunch break: Microsoft Says It Has Created a New State of Matter to Power Quantum Computers.

• Don’t forget to submit a question to our upcoming mailbag and catch up on all our award-winning advice throughout the past year.

• This is one of the best videos I’ve seen in my entire life. Incredible editing and remarkable intersection of two of my favorite pieces of media.

• Interesting read on why Gen Z stopped trusting experts and started trusting influencers on Tik-Tok for their news.

• Here’s a good way to kill like 45 minutes at the office today: hop on the virtual guesser site and try to figure out where you are in the world.

• If this video doesn’t inspire you to get off your ass and run your own swamp, I can’t help you. I’m sorry. You’ll probably die broke.

• It’s Friday. Time to cue up the Eastbound and Down Will Ferrel outtakes at the pregame and coast into the evening.