World Baseball Classic is off to a hot start, as Shohei Ohtani crushes a grand slam in the Tokyo Dome (electric video) during the first day of action. I’m praying that we get a brawl like this at some point. Fire me up.
United says it will remove passengers who don’t wear headphones while watching or listening to content on their phones. Hell yes. Please also remove passengers who take their shoes off to go full Benny Blanco mode next.
Iran deal not possible without ‘unconditional surrender’ according to Trump, as new wave of attacks hit (need Skip and Ernestine’s thought on the latest developments.) I wonder if the timing with the latest DoJ Epstein files release has anything to do with this. Probably just a coincidence.
Netflix acquires Ben Affleck’s new startup, a company that makes AI-powered tools for filmmakers. Congrats Ben, but don’t let this distract you from the real mission: defending Dunkin’ from the bastards at HHS. Stay focused.
Claude AI has 15-20% chance of consciousness, as the model has begun showing “signs of anxiety” according to their CEO. Extremely relatable.
Here is your reminder that we just 11 days away from the world’s greatest holiday (St. Patrick’s Day) and it’s time to lock in. Don’t let this sneak up on you.
8 HOURS ON THE COUCH
This entry is a small taste of the content from our absolute boy over at Could Be The Movesletter. Give them a sub for gold in your inbox every Friday.
Why stop at 8 hours? Why not 24 hours on a couch?
Was on my way to my buddy's place the other day. (He wishes to remain nameless for fear his roommate will read this and kick his ass.) Plan was to film a couple clips of said friend hanging up one of his Legendary T-Shirts in the Rafters. Oops. Sorry Gav.
Gav's roommate's been out of town the last couple weeks. Asked him what he's been doing with the place to himself. He said a couple things: demolishing the jar of jelly beans his roommate leaves out for company, stacking dishes in the sink, having loud ass sex. He didn't say the sex part, I chimed in with that one. We giggled. As the laughter faded, he mentioned how he slept on the couch last night.
I dialed back the volume on the Ninajirachi and explained how I also enjoy a nice couch snooze from time to time. And when I mean couch snooze, I'm not talking about some, "Doze off to Gordon Ramsey's new documentary then head over to the bed when you wake up at 2:42 am" bullshit. I'm talking you head into the night with a, "I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight" mindset.
Great Move if you're in a rut. I do it all the time post-shitty day: hammer some wine, eat some snacks, fall asleep to Dumb and Dumber. Makes you feel like you're in control. You make the decisions around here. You can sleep wherever you want to sleep. Doesn't have to be in your bedroom. Hell, you can drag your mattress to the kitchen and sleep there. There's something about this little shakeup and, "I can do whatever I want" thought. For some reason, that mindset helps settle me. Brings me back down to earth. Hence, great if you're slumpin’ a touch.
Hammer that button below to continue reading the full breakdown.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
I will make it my life’s mission to ensure that Luigi Primo, the Italian semi-pro wrestler who knocks his opponents out by throwing a pizza pie at them, becomes the most famous wrestler on the planet. This is what our world needs right now.
This is how the Pizza Hut CEO should lay off his staff. The man who gives the sentence should swing the sword.
I’ve watched this video of a man narrowly avoiding death as his elevator surges past his floor at least 100x and still don’t know how he survived. He either has the world’s greatest or worst guardian angel watching over him. No in between.
I’d love for this to happen to me at work so I could secure a fat little payout. I’d even let it crush my ribs a little bit to ensure that check comes through. Work smarter, not harder
Police open investigation into college basketball coach who was “moonlighting as a pimp.” What, so it’s illegal to have a side hustle now? Make it make sense.
Pimppppssss don’t cry. They never shed a tearrrr
Billy Idol reveals on Bill Maher’s podcast that he kicked his heroin addiction by switching to crack. As someone who quit dipping by switching to cigs, nicotine pouches, Adderall & recreational Percoset, I actually think this makes a ton of sense.
Me at 2 am after mixing together the perfect concoction of every substance known to mankind and finally feeling at peace
If I ever die (unlikely but ultimately still possible) I’d love to be reincarnated as a delicious flan, just to have a 1% chance of being delicately consumed by Sofia Vergara nestled in a well-lit, tastefully decorated plush restaurant booth. Just FYI.
The Spanish have a beautiful phrase for a photo like this: “ay caramba!” There’s no exact English translation but it essentially means “hollyyyy fuckkk that lady is so hot I want to scratch my eyeballs out so this is the last image i ever see in my life.” It’s a beautiful language
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
It’s prime college hoops season. We’re one week out from conference tournament time and it’s time to lock the hell in. Here are some picks from the good doctor, Dr. Locks.
CBB RECORD: 3-1
CONFERENCE OUTRIGHT WINNERS:
Patriot League Winner: Navy: -210
West Coast Conference: Gonzaga: -220
Northeast Conference: Long Island University (FINS UP): -155
Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US) Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA)
*21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. See BetMGM.com for Terms. US Promotional offers not available in Ontario and Puerto Rico
STRANDED IN OUTDOOR WILDERNESS
Shoutout to Liam and the Outside Guys for rocking this one. Genuinely absorbing piece of cineman here.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
We drank 12 beers and solved the Staircase Murder. You’re welcome, America.
Read this on your lunch break: The Tentacles of the Paramount Media empire
Finally, all the answers to life’s burning questions have been answered. At last.
Hand up, I forgot about the Forgotten Larry Bird Punch that Changed Everything (but I never will again.)
Coach and broadcaster Lou Hotlz has passed away at age 89 and taken his incredible magic trick with him. RIP to a legend.
How 25 years of iPod brain has changed the way we listen to music (for the better.)
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Here’s some footage of Spanish bullfighter flipping and backflipping over a big ass bull to send you into the weekend.
Like our newsletter? You’ll love our podcast. Episodes out every Tuesday and Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
