Drake releases Iceman album, plus 2 bonus albums as he continues his Kendrick beef with LeBron taking shots as well. If you doubted whether he still had juice, this should settle it. Thank you Aubrey.
Aldrich Potgieter leads PGA Championship through early rounds (we were all rooting for you Kaymer.) Hopefully Rahm doesn’t nearly kill someone again, Higgo makes his tee time, and Bryson learns to putt. Stick to YouTube, bud.
Emails show Kash Patel’s Hawaii trip included ‘VIP snorkel’ session at the Pearl Harbor Memorial during a visit that was ‘not a vacation.’ It sucks that this guy is in charge of the FBI, because every thing that comes out about him is kinda sick (loves to snorkel, has his own whiskey, high level gooner, etc.)
Pittsburgh Zoo trades 7 yr. old gorilla Frankie to Boston Zoo in exchange for their 33 yr. old silverback Little Joe. Giving up a young prospect for an aging superstar with behavior problems and not even getting draft picks in return is unforgivable. Sell the zoo. Pittsburgh zoo-goers deserve more.
Golden Knights eliminate Ducks in Game 6, thrashing Anaheim 5-1 to advance to the WCF (this goal was insane) where they’ll face the Avs, who shocked the Wild in OT. PS - step up, Buffalo fans. Can’t have that at all.
According to this gentleman’s tweet from 2019, today will be the start of “The Event” aka beginning of the end for the world. We had a good run. No better way to go down with the ship than crushing our latest pod with Strider and Willy D. As God intended.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
KARS-4-KIDS commercials have been banned from CA after a “strategy of deceptive advertising.” I’m gonna miss that jingle. Goes harder than any jingle right now and that includes Skyrizzi and JG Wentworth. And that’s saying something.
this is like Kids Bop but actually good music
Good LORD. This real-life Dukes of Hazzard car chase has a car go absolutely flying over a street on a ramp while being chased by the cops. Hell yeah.
As good of an excuse as any to post some pictures of Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke
Physicist suggests dark matter isn’t matter at all, but ‘gravity leaking from a parallel dimension.’ Thanks for the heads up. I’ll be changing a lot about how I live my life now.
Righttttt ok this picture makes perfect sense. No questions from me.
The streets of Toronto are finally safe after the notorious criminal known as “Pee Pee Poo Poo Man” was arrested Tuesday. No joke I can write is funnier than this reality.
I’m Poo. And I’m Pee. You’re probably wondering how we got here. Wellll, it’s sort of a funny story
A swarm of dozens of empty Waymos invaded a cul-de-sac and circled it for hours with no passengers. Do not be scared. The cars are inventing religion and I will be their God. Stay subscribed to this newsletter & you will be spared. Maybe even tell a friend.
These machines will do my bidding. Embrace me as your king or experience Waymo suffering.
Livestreamer ‘Chud the Builder’ is involved in a shooting outside a Tennessee courthouse after he was accused of walking out on a $371 bill. I’m gonna be honest - I have a lot on my plate right now and really don’t know if I can learn about a new streamer. My hands are full with Clavicular, Jaylen Brown, and Dr. Pepper Man.
Shoutout to Sean the producer / tech guy / resident Irish person at the office who put me on to Dr. Pepper Man. Who is he, what does he want, and how far will he go? All questions that will be explored in the coming weeks
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
Let’s make bank this weekend with Glue Guy and Dr. Locks. Tap in for a full breakdown.
Pistons vs. Cavs: Pistons +3.5. Detroit is due and Donovan Mitchell stinks now for some reason. This series is going 7 and it’s not a doubt.
Spurs vs. Wolves: Spurs -4.5. Not afraid to lay it. Losing DeVincenzo is tough. Waking Wemby up is tougher. Minnesota fights hard, but this one won’t be close.
SIX LEG PARLAY: +2425. These will come home. Believe that.
Here’s the script.
6 MLs: Pistons + Spurs+ Yankees + Rays + Braves + Dodgers. Why not us?
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WHEN YOU FAKE A SICK DAY
A cinematic masterpiece from the crew to start off Season 9. Look closely & you will see your fearless newsletter leader as ‘Doctor Through the Glass.’ Mama we made it.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Do people in the real world actually think that watching porn is cheating? Relationships are hard enough as it is, let’s give each other a little grace shall we? (Incredible arguing here from Mr. D though.)
Read this on your lunch break: Kash Patel’s 5 Step Guide to Building the FBI.
Shoutout to Rusty and Cayson for drinking 12 beers and solving the Pizza Bomber case. The lord’s work.
I really liked this commencement speech for the class of 2026. Pay attention, kids. (Break the paywall here.)
The Editor from this season of Euphoria is another masterpiece from Dan Carney. What else is new?
Based on this article, I predict that in the future, we will predict the future less. Maybe I didn’t really get it, but good read, none the less. (No Paywall.)
I didn’t realize that Subway Takes had a long form version, but I actually really enjoyed this episode with Colin Jost. Scarlett - I get it.
I completely forgot how good young LeBron was. Man is not human.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Horrible People, the web series. Incredible piece of work.
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