Cruise ship hantavirus patients arrive in Europe, as concern grows worldwide. Look, I’m not taking this seriously until Tom Hanks gets it, but if this does become a pandemic, I’m doing lockdown wayyy differently this time.
The war in Iran is causing a Diet Coke shortage, as the aluminum trade is heavily impacted by the Strait of Hormuz blockage. Let’s go ahead and end the war ASAP. If I don’t have 4-6 DCs a day, my body will go into diabetic shock.
Fights break out at end of Hurricanes-Flyers game (Carolina was def defending themself in the Skate vs. Sabre debate) as Philly falls down 3-0. Just an appetizer for the Blade Gang battle tonight. Playoff hockey rocks.
“Tomato fraud” has hit the Italian food industry, as Cento Fine Food is accused of using counterfeit San Marzano tomatoes, which can only come from one specific region in Italy (otherwise they’re just sparkling tomatoes.) If we lose trust in Big Tomato, what institutions can we even rely on anymore?
Lucky Strike hit with class-action lawsuit for being an illegal monopoly that made bowling more expensive and just a worse experience overall. Completely justified. I’m watching these heroes fight for our rights like LeBron last night.
Child fight clubs. JP Morgan executive updates. Met Gala fits. NHL playoff preview. Comedic commentary from the gentlemen on the Empty Netters podcast. If any of those topics interest you, please go ahead and hammer this link. Let’s have a Friday.
PRACTICING ANOTHER SPORT BESIDES GOLF
This entry is a small taste of the content from our absolute boys over at Could Be The Movesletter. Give them a sub for gold in your inbox every Friday.
KD has been early on this move
I like golf... decent sport. Used to like it a lot more before Covid hit. Now it's way more expensive and takes 50% longer to play. I tell ya, these god damn courses just PACK the fucking place. *Sigh*…. I digress.
The game's a grind man. Will chew you up and spit you out. The highs are high and the lows are low. There are also these weird spurts of delusional optimism that occur during the golfing journey. The game can quickly turn you into a believer. It's one of the few sports where I'd say 95% of its participants fully believe they’re only one minor change away from being absolutely dialed.
We’re all convinced the only thing that stands between us and a Rory three-peat is a slight tweak at the top of our backswing. It’s why you catch all the grinders working on something. They’re at the water cooler, in the coffee shop, mid-convo. Gotta get the work in where you can. Out here cementing that green jacket feel.
With all that being said about the great, sometimes great, fuck this game game of golf, I’d like to see other sports get more representation in the world of invisible reps. Let’s put down the imaginary golf club and pick up an imaginary goalie stick. Show off your kick saves, your poke checks, flash a little leather. How about a jam at the line of scrimmage or a little kick step for the boys. Pick off moves, bunts, ABS challenges. Let’s expand our repertoire. Let’s be athletes. Practice Something Else Besides Your Golf Swing. Could Be The Move.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
There is nothing more American than Ronald McDonald singing the national anthem at a minor league baseball game in Charlotte. Corporate mascots. Baseball. 3rd tier Southern Cities. Respecting the stars & stripes through song. Our nation’s Core 4.
Genuinely beautiful performance by Ronald. No shade at all.
British man believes he has become the first person to pull a car with his penis while also being set on fire to raise awareness for prostate cancer. You know what? You probably are. I’m gonna let you have this one.
I’ve of course done this many times, but usually not in the name of prostate cancer. It’s been mainly for entirely selfish reasons like penis stretching and trying to impress my girlfriend’s dad.
Torn on this Buffalo Wild Wings deal for $9.99 bottomless apps for a group of 4. On the one hand, it’s fucking awesome. On the other, this will likely financially destroy them the way Red Lobster’s limitless shrimp deal did. Be smart, D-Dubs. We need you.
Is the cure for male loneliness crushing 12 dozen wings with your boys at the bottomless app deal at Buffalo Wilds Wings? I think it just might be
BREAKING: Jaime Pressly has joined the wave of early 2000s actresses hopping onto OnlyFans (shoutout Nadia from American Pie as well. Get your bag Jaime, but I’m bummed she has to do this. She invented Margot Robbie. Put her back in movies.
Jamie Pressley in Joe Dirt was my sexual awakening. Fantastic film btw
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
Let’s make bank this weekend with Glue Guy and Dr. Locks. Tap in for a full breakdown.
SIX LEG PARLAY: +4000. Dr. Locks is putting his entire reputation on this bad boy. Not that that’s saying much, but still. He only does this once a year month week or so.
Here’s the script.
Sixers steal one from NYK at home. No OG, no problem (side bet: Maxey 30+ points.)
T-Wolves take down Wemby and the Spurs. Anthony Edwards legacy game.
Vegas Knights scrap their way to a 2-1 lead in Anaheim. Eichel is a golden god.
Phillies knock around Chase Dollander at home.
Dodgers pull one out over the Braves in a potential NLCS preview.
Red Sox get the win over Tampa at the home of the worst proposal ever. They’re due.
6 MLs: Sixers + T-Wolves+ Knights + Phillies + Dodgers + Red Sox. To feed families.
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TESTING 1 STAR BARS
My biggest take-away from this video: there’s no such thing as a one-star bar. Only one star reviewers. Another electric bar tour from Willy and Rusty.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Had no idea that Kamikaze Dolphins are just one of many war animals used in the past. Insect cyborgs, terrorist fighting gerbils, and bomb-sniffing bees are cool and all, but they have nothing on the NYPD Seals.
Read this on your lunch break: Could Claude Mythos Actually Destroy the Internet?
It’s always a good day when Druski posts and this one was no exception. Another banger.
I know cruises aren’t the easiest sell these days but I might take a shot on a celebrity impersonator one. Excellent article.
This video was a masterpiece. I’m surprised “What’s Your Address” doesn’t actually exist already. Well done
The Kardashian theory of everything might just be right. Something to ponder this afternoon. (Remove paywall link here.)
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Adam Sandler sports highlights, with a side helping of the full Michael Irvin jail-yard basketball scene. Horrible officiating. The GOAT.
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