Pacers win Game 6 in dominating fashion, set up Sunday night Game 7 in OKC, the first since LeBron did this shit in 2016. As long as they keep using Pascal Siakam’s dark voodoo magic, I’m taking the Pacers.
Karen Read found not guilty for the murder of her boyfriend after three years, two trials and one HBO documentary. Getting cheered for a DUI has gotten feel incredible. Sort of jealous.
SpaceX’s rocket explodes on Wednesday night during a routine test, the 10th consecutive failed mission for Elon’s company. Hate to see bad things happen to worse people.
Trump grants 3rd extension for Tik-Tok sale, extends the deadline another 90 days. Four more and they’ll tie my college record for most extensions granted in a year (pro-tip: give yourself mumps. Great way to get out of stuff.)
Buss family sells Lakers for $10 billion to Mark Walter, current owner of the LA Dodgers and Chelsea Premier League. That’s enough money to afford a dietician for Luka and at least 11 hours of the Ukraine war. The more you know.
HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE
Today is officially the summer solstice, which means it is the longest day of the year (closely followed by any day where a MDFoodieBoys podcast doesn’t drop) and the start to summer.
It’s time to celebrate one of the greatest things about this time of year: perfect day-drinking weather. We’re talking a nice mid-70s to low-80s temps, with a nice breeze to let you know you’re alive. Not so hot that you’re uncomfortable and battling dehydration. Not so cold that your penis shrinks. Just right.
Fill this sucker up with ice, hose water, and 30 beers and take a sit in there to cool off whenever you need it. Pure heaven on a hot day.
This Saturday, go ahead and pop the top, inflate a kiddie pool, fill it with hose water, and just sit in that for like 4 straight hours. Sure, if you’re like me, you completely forgot to work out all year and your body has started to resemble a bag of milk. Drinking two dozen IPAs a weekend and having one vegetable a month for 10 years straight will do that. But don’t let that stop you from achieving your goals (getting really drunk and sunburnt to a level that it may be a medical catastrophe.)
You never know. Maybe some ladies will walk by you posted up in your beer pool and say “holy cow your body reminds me of my middle-aged fathers, do you want to have premarital sex?” Crazier things have happened.
DOC’S LOCKS
We are wrapping up NBA and NHL seasons and it’s finally time to shift our focus to the national pastime. Let’s hammer peak baseball season with a 6 leg W. Why not us?
Me after making my entire rent on this week’s parlay (I live in my parent’s basement and it’s actually totally free. They’re nice about it.)
TOTAL ODDS: +1199 (Bet $10, Win $119)
PICKS: Yankees ML, Astros ML, Diamondbacks ML, Twins ML, Rangers ML, and Blue Jays ML.
Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US) Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA)
*21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. See BetMGM.com for Terms. US Promotional offers not available in Ontario and Puerto Rico
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
RELATABLE: Man proposes to his AI chatbot girlfriend despite have a real-life human child with his real life human girlfriend, breaks down in tears after she says yes.
LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE
Judge reprimands man for wearing a “World’s Best Farter” shirt to the courtroom during trial. Don’t see why. When else is he supposed to rock a sick ass shirt like that?
Dress for the job you want, they say.
FINALLY. Sergey Boytsov becomes the first man to do gymnastics under a hot air ballon at an altitude of 1,500 meters with no parachute. Thought I’d never see the day.
Sometimes in life, you gotta just fight Adrian Peterson over a poker game like this dude right here. A much, much braver man than me.
Personally would advice against this, but what do I really know?
Pro darts player released incredibly toxic fart in front of another competitor, causes delay in the game due to smell. That’s 4D chess right there. Low-key wish I could get a whiff of that bad boy.
Yeahhhh this dude is ripping big, nasty farts like it’s no one’s business. Respect.
Who Are You Buying A Beer For?
NEW AFTV JUST DROPPED
Virtuoso performance here from Al Warren. Need to see him in more videos this season. Just a humble request from a humble newsletter writer.
Come see more groundbreaking comedy LIVE and in person on July 18th in San Diego. Tickets are going fast: snag one while you can.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
The Bears changing their audible to “Big Pussy” when playing Aaron Rodgers is an absolutely incredible story from Brian Urlacher. Full Glory Daze episode is a banger.
Read this on your lunch break: AI is Poised to Rewrite History. Literally.
Never thought that Tucker Carlson would be the one to set Ted Cruz straight, but here we are. Gotta tip the hat.
The Ringer’s impassioned ranking of cinematic love triangles is excellent reading.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. 10 minutes of the best moments from The Other Guys. Let’s have one.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
