Supreme Court has been busy, makes rulings around limiting birthright citizenship and upholding age verification ID laws for porn sites. Shame. I watched 3-4 hours of porn/day when I was 14 and I’m totally fine.
Disposable vapes may be giving all of us lead poisoning, could be more toxic than cigarettes. Finally, an excuse to pick cigs back up. Feels good.
Liver King arrested for threatening Joe Rogan, coincidentally shares a name with that millionaire who drinks his son’s blood to stay young. If you are named Brian Johnson, just stay away from me until I figure out what this means.
Study shows AI will commit blackmail and let people die if it feels threatened in the slightest. Honestly, same. AI may be getting too human.
Hedge-fund boss duped into funding AK-47s for a South Sudan coup. Hey, it can happen to anyone. At least he has great hiring instincts.
Anyone else getting fired the hell up for 4th of July? So fired up they need to buy this shirt? Really anything here will do for me personally.
PREDICTING NEXT WEEK’S HEADLINES
Reporting the news is easy. But reporting the future? That’s also incredibly easy.
We’re trying a new segment out here at Daily Friday HQ: predicting next week’s headlines. Will check in next week and see how we did.
Me looking at a delicious plate of my younger cousin’s Adderall moments before putting all of it up my nose
Hot Dog Eating Contest Won By Joey Chestnut. All time lock here. Title #17 is in the bag, only question is if the record of 76 will fall.
High-level Pentagon official falls in love with AI chatbot, leaks state secrets in moment of catastrophic horniness. This most likely has already happened. If it doesn’t happen next week, it will happen at one point in Q3.
Alien’s arrival on Earth overshadowed by departure of Huda from the Love Island villa in stunning vote. Alien might take over our planet, but Huda has taken over the villa. Priorities.
Michael Cera says super bad slur on Instagram Live. You know the one.
Oprah and Orlando Bloom spotted canoodling at Bezos wedding, leave ceremony together in Venice water taxi. Good for Orlando Bloom, who got the Bezos wedding in the breakup. Strike while the iron’s hot, big man.
Jason Kelce does another thing for attention. Prediction: he will somehow make the 4th of July entirely about him.
DOC’S LOCKS
It’s the dog days of summer. Let’s spend it making some cold, hard cash. Here’s a six-leg parlay to feed families from Dr. Locks.
RIP to Dicky Lovelady. We barely knew thee
TOTAL ODDS: +1677 (Bet $10, Win $167)
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Boy’s trip to North Korea? Kim Jong Un will reportedly open a massive beach resort to cater to summer tourists. Perfect place to cut loose and relax.
Politics aside, he’s a really cute guy
Dillon Brooks seeks a restraining order against his ex and mother of 2 of his children, says that she threatened to cut his fingers off. Need a woman like that in my life.
At least she cares. You don’t know how lucky you are Dillon
Hog of the week has gotta go to this American sprinter, who has his entire dick and balls fall out of his shorts mid-race (video here if you are a sicko.)
It is a VERY big blur. Almost super human
Jake Paul goes on Piers Morgan’s show, fights with host and rage-quits after less than 5 minutes. With all due respect, you can’t wear do that while wearing a sombrero.
Super hard to take you seriously in this hat. Just a note.
Armenian Prime Minister offers to show his penis to the head of the country’s Orthodox Church. And people say there was no class in politics anymore.
Fine, I’ll bite. Let’s see the fucker. Just curious at this point.
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
WHEN YOU FORGET TO SAVE SOMEONE’S NUMBER
Not only are we gifted a master-class in awkward acting, we also get another appearance from Casey Rocket. Life really is good.
Come see more groundbreaking comedy LIVE and in person on July 18th in San Diego. Tickets are going fast: snag one while you can.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
I’m with Tyreek Hill: fuck the Bills. The latest episode of Glory Daze is a banger as always. Give it a listen if you have half a brain.
Read this on your lunch break: A Couple’s Retreat with 3 AI Chatbots and the Humans Who Love Them.
I’ve never heard of this show before, but after this video I am ready, willing and able to kidnap a Nickelodeon executive to get it back.
Start sucking and fucking, guys. Let’s end the The Zoomer Sex Recession ASAP.
Playdate’s Party Themes That Don’t Exist was another banger, per usual.
Hell yeah, Gen Alpha. Your brainrot slang is so insane that it’s hard to detect bullying or not. Love that for you guys.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Dudes doing hot dogs Indian street vendor style.
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