Domestic box offices hits $1B in May, the first month to ever do so without a Marvel movie, thanks to the classic formula of sequels + biopic + YouTuber horror films. I give full credit to the popcorn bucket industry. All-time run.
Canes ties up the Stanley Cup final, winning in OT off a nasty goal from Seth Jarvis, bouncing back after Vegas ties it up in the final seconds of regulation. Shoutout to Empty Netters, who were boots on the ground. Electric.
CBS denies rumors that Joe Rogan is considered for 60 Minutes hosting role, as chaos continues to reign during Bari Weiss’s time at the top. Now that Rogan’s out of the running, can we at least get these gentlemen in the mix?
Knicks storm back to win Game 1, as Brunson continues to be the greatest player in recorded human history, this fan gets banned for life, and Josh Hart has the most glue stat-line of all time. Trump has been catching up on some sleep in the Oval Office so he’s rested for Game 3. What a world, man.
Bitcoin loses over $160B in market value this week, its biggest weekly fall since 2022. Thank god. I never got around to learning what bitcoin was and I might get away with never needing to. Keep crashing.
UBER LOST & FOUND
It’s the most wonderful time of the year: Uber’s release of their 10th annual Lost & Found index. Of course, there’s always some helpful insights like “red is the most forgotten color item” but the real gold is in the absurd items people leave behind.
We broke it all down on the podcast but here’s some of our favorites.
What a glorious ride it’s been. I still haven’t gotten that fake butt back by the way
Breast Milk: “For Sale. Breast Milk. Never Drank.” The most tragic story ever written. On the bright side, if the milk sat in the trunk long enough, it might become breast cheese or even breast yogurt.
Wizard Wand: if this is truly a magical wizard wand, this is basically like leaving your gun in the backseat. That’s a felony in many states.
75 gallon fish tank: everyone knows that adults with fish tanks are either 1) supervillains or 2) super lonely dudes. Sometimes both. That’s a group of people we can’t risk being bummed out. I’m hoping this sucker got back in the right hands ASAP.
Toboggan: Daily reminder that every time you leave a location, you have to check your pockets for the Big 4: phone, wallet, keys, toboggan. Classic mistake.
Meat Slicer: Can only assume that this was a Jersey Mike’s employee who’s now going to be in for a brutal shift. This is the sandwich store worker equivalent to an office worker forgetting their laptop on the way to the cubes. Heartbreaking.
Child’s Prosthetic Eye: good lord. Not only is this cause for calling CPS, but it’s also rude to everyone around you. I’m sorry, but having to look at a child with a missing eyeball is a terrifying image. Shame on this person.
Ankle Monitor: so you free yourself from house arrest and the American justice system by removing your ankle monitor and then snitch on yourself to Uber to go back and get it? We need better criminals.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Scientists have discovered yeast in the guts of a 5,300 year old mummy and used it to bake a ‘delicious’ loaf of sourdough bread. Hell yea. When I die, I give you guys permission to use my yeast for whatever you need. Turn me into a nice, smooth lager.
If you came to me with a loaf of sourdough and said it was from this dude’s guts, I’d applaud you but I’d absolutely let you go first when it came to trying a slice.
Savvy move by Kevin Durant here hiding in the bushes to avoid the paparazzi. Next time, I’d try a large tree and perhaps deploy a fake mustache/glasses/nose device but you can only make due with the tools at your disposal. That’s spy 101.
He’s such a good spy, he might be considered for the next James Bond.
A cop was fired for pointing his gun at another cop after they microwaved fish at the police station. Totally valid response. Serve & protect extends to the office kitchen.
This feels like a Super Troopers episode plot-line
SI Swimsuit Show was this week and while some of the footage was glorious (good lord Penny Lane) it had me nostalgic for when the magazine actually mattered. This generation just doesn’t understand the appeal of cranking it to physical media. Sad.
The day this arrived at the house was like Christmas morning for any young teenage bo
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
Let’s make bank this weekend with Who’s Next and Dr. Locks. Tap in for a full breakdown.
BEST BETS FOR FINALS GAME 2:
Spurs -5.5: losing Game 1 only makes winning Game 2 easier. Time to adjust.
Wemby to win the tip: We lost for the first time all playoffs Game 1. Won’t happen again. This is free money just lying on the ground.
SAME-GAME PARLAY: Total Odds: +260
Wemby 25+ points + Jalen Brunson 2+ 3PM + Vassel 2+ 3PMG + Shamet 2+ 3PM.
Don’t see how this one misses. Landry is on an all-time heater and it’s not ending soon.
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FRIEND GROUP A VS. FRIEND GROUP B
Another banger from an S tier season of Almost Friday TV. Directed by Liam so you know it’s a bop.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Just a nice, enjoyable piece of content here as Willy and Strider found the best drinks at Angel’s Stadium. This better become a full series.
Read this on your lunch break: On the Life of Garbagemen.
Young Kendrick Lamar rap cypha in the projects circa 2009. Good lord. Excellent way to run out the clock today.
Not gonna lie, I’m pretty jealous of Austin’s sandlot baseball scene. Need to start throwing around the ol’ cowhide with the crew more.
Incredibly addicted to the new 82-0 game right now. Ball-knowers only.
Finally, some visibility for height privilege in the world of men. If I was 5 inches taller, I’d be the president of the entire world, if not galaxy.
Dads getting pulled over is an electric little video.
This is a plea to continue making art for the sake of art. Great read.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Best of Drunk Family Guy to take us into the weekend.
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