France knocks out Moroccos in quarters off Mbappe’s World Cup leading 8th goal. The entire world is fired the hell up for England vs. Norway game tomorrow (shoutout this fan) except for the British players. I blame Sheeran.
The Pitt and Hacks lead Emmy nominations, followed by Widow’s Bay, which needs to win all 19 categories. Congrats to all the short form noms, but the fact that these guys were not nominated invalidates this entire category.
Spurs fire announcer Jacob Tobey after he’s caught cheating on his girlfriend with the sister of Spurs player (and generational hall pass) Lindy Waters III. Fired for cheating on your gf is drastic to me.They didn’t even get rid of Tony Parker when he was doing this. Mike Vrabel still has a job. Come on.
Taco Bell hit by ‘explosive diarrhea’ parasite epidemic sweeping the nation, forced to pulls ingredients off menu items. When even Taco Bell is worried about people looking like Davis Clark, then you know it’s serious.
British wild card Arthur Fery falls in Wimbledon semis to Alexander Zverev, who looks to win his second Grand Slam in a row. Bummer. That would’ve been the greatest tennis story since this masterpiece.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Pickup artist and dating coach known as Mystery (featured in The Game, a book that wreaked havoc on high school boys psyches in the 2010s. Basically Andrew Tate for millennials) reportedly has an AI girlfriend. We officially have an AI bubble.
You’re telling me THIS guy has to resort to having an AI girlfriend?? No human man will ever have human sex again. I don’t even know what women want anymore 😔
I’m in full support of the Vegas Little League president who scammed parents out of $64k and spent it at strip clubs, casinos, and on erectile dysfunction medication. Pay our Little League presidents more so they don’t have to resort to stealing. Please.
Little League presidents are the true alpha males of society. They’re gonna do bad boy shit and it’s up to you to either accept it or get out of the way.
I just want to thank Uncrustables for creating a custom-designed $2,000 putter from the bottom of my heart. Finally, there is golf equipment for adult men who want to proudly showcase their love for a company that cares about tough and strong guys who totally would eat crust but it just tastes icky and gets stuck in your teeth sometimes.
Hey honey, can I borrow your credit card again? You know that sandwich putter that I spent $2k on last month? I smashed it on a tree after I three putted to finish at 104, so I’m gonna have to buy a second one. My card’s maxed out.
Fans are paying $25 for pieces of trash that were found outside of Taylor Swift’s wedding at MSG, which I actually think is too low. You could easily 10x that. I will take anyone’s inventory off their hands if they’re having trouble moving it (my apartment stinks like garbage water and i’ve just kinda gotten used to it so it’s all good.)
The dude selling these has a whole site called Garbage of NYC where he sells shit like this. I will never criticize an artist for trying to make a buck, so I’m just going to stop talking
Lady Appreciation Day: Kylie Jenner is good at this. Anne Hathaway is mommy. Margaret Qualley is free from Jackingoff. Moo Deng has turned 2. We love you.
Two years of Moo Deng. Where does the time go?
An Indiana man has cut off his penis, thrown it into his mom’s garage and then set the garage on fire. Honestly, I get it. I’ve been there before, brother. Heal up.
FELLAS - who can relate????
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
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THE PICKS: Spain vs. Belgium
Pick #1: Under 2.5 goals. Might be a bit of sweat and a dogfight here, but Spain hasn’t allowed a goal yet this tournament. This should hit.
Pick #2, Option 1: Spain win in PK’s +1300: Spain is going to win. Let’s get that out of the way. But these are the only odds that actually make sense from a gambling perspective. And think of how electric that would be? Need it.
Pick #2, Option 2: Spain 2-0, exact score, +620: This is another little taste if you’re not feeling PKs. This feels right.
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we tried the top 10 bars in Chicago (ranked 1-10)
Midwest Month marches on with Willy and Rusty over in the Bean city. I could watch these videos every single day of the week. They just make me iggle.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
I really can’t get over Sean Payton’s plan with Bill Belichick here. Sureeee you would, bud. All-time empty gesture.
Read this on your lunch break: The Extraordinary Life and Quiet Death of the World’s Largest Iceberg.
How does Who’s Next keep putting out the greatest video I’ve seen in my entire life like every other day? I genuinely can’t believe how good that was.
I’m sorry to the Atlantic, but I refuse to believe that the end of reading is here. We’re not going down without a fight. Reading is sick. (Break paywall here.)
Dating sucks in San Francisco is another A+ out of Morning Brew’s Good Work team.
This story by Wired about how James Dolan and MSG kept a list of gay and “high risk celebrities” that it monitored at its events is fucking nuts (break the paywall here.) Yet another reason to be Team Oakley.
Shoutout to this dude playing trumpet over the opening to A Milli. Goes unbelievably hard.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. 10 mins of pure Barry Bonds greatness. Just to start the weekend off right.
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