Video of married CEO at a Coldplay concert grinding with his married head of HR has swept the nation. When they say ‘we’re a family here’ at that company, they really mean it. Idc if his apology is fake: it’s real to me.
Open Championship underway, with a crowded leaderboard of some dudes I’ve honestly never heard of (I don’t know tee though, so my bad.) Personal highlight so far for me has been this massive fart. Just good ol’ fashioned fun.
WSJ releases letters that Trump allegedly wrote Epstein on his 50th birthday and I gotta say: I have no idea why DJT is denying he wrote them. These are beautiful. PS- looks like we may get this list after all? Big ol’ TBD.
Stephen Colbert’s Late Show cancelled by CBS days after the network was forced to pay a $16M settlement to the President. Can we give his slot to Shane Gillis instead? He dropped banger after banger at the ESPY’s.
Uber signs $300M robotaxi deal with Lucid, plans to drop 20k driverless cars into the market. Anyone else kind of bummed to lose out on human drivers? Who else would I open up to about every detail of my personal life?
WE’RE PAYING YOUR BAR TAB
Taking a brief departure from our normal newsletter content to announce the biggest news that has hit the airwaves since FDR’s fireside chats: the first episode of the Daily Friday Podcast has arrived. Let’s go.
Folks, it’s very simple. If you like the newsletter, you’ll like the podcast. Plus, look at this absolute thumbnail porn right here. That’s how you do it, folks.
On this episode, my good bro Strider Wilson popped on to help talk ALL the news that’s fit to podcast. Snack Wraps. Haunted Dolls. Emmy Snubs. Coldplay couple. Bryan Johnson’s boner record. Everything you need to take you into the weekend.
PLUS - for our first episode, we are paying the bar tab of two lucky alcoholics. Comment on the episode on YouTube and Spotify and whoever gets the most likes gets to drink for free this weekend ($250 max, sorry.) Go off.
It would mean a lot if you subscribed, rated 5 stars, commented, and all that jazz. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled newsletter programming next week. Thanks fam.
DOC’S LOCKS
Finally. Baseball is back after the All-Star break. Don’t know how I passed the time. Here’s a six-leg parlay to feed families from Dr. Locks and Glue Guy.
TOTAL ODDS: +2300 (Bet $10, Win $230)
This is Pete Alonso his rookie year. Feel old yet?
PICKS: Dodgers ML, Rays ML, Mets ML, Twins ML, Mariners ML, D-Backs ML.
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Dead guy move of the week has gotta go to the Detroit man who dropped his life savings in cash from a helicopter onto his funeral attendees. When I die and pass on my massive fortune, this is exactly how I want to go out. Hot seat: estate attorneys.
I love this so much. Kinda wanna die just to pull it off
Gotta give it up for this robot from Monday’s newsletter, that seems to be now be touring the China and doing awesome shit. First the fit, then the love of pickup hoops, and then dealing with fame with humility and grace? He may just be Adam Sandler.
I’m actually on board with the robot revolution if it looks like this
WHOLESOME: reported human person stuck in California canal turns out to be blow-up doll. Thank god. I was looking for her everywhere. Please return her in one piece.
I missed you, babe
Pete Davidson has finally had sex with a woman, as his girlfriend announces their pregnancy. Hopefully they inherit his hooping genes. Walking bucket.
Remember when he dated like every single hot celebrity on the planet? That was wild
Labubus have reached a peak, as David’s Bridal Dresses drops a collab. Everything I learn about this topic is against my will. Now you guys have to learn about it too, sorry.
Honestly, this is beautiful. I take it all back
Who are you buying a beer for?
LIAM BREAKS DOWN HIS MOST ICONIC CHARACTERS
This was legitimately hilarious. Probably laughed out loud like 5 separate times. Finally, some comedy for Girk heads. Incredible watch as always.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
All-time Luke Null character on the Almost Friday pod this week. Did not see that one coming.
Read this on your lunch break: He Claims He’s the ‘Sports Betting King.’ What Are the Odds?
Gotta give it up for this lady, who apparently invented hearing sounds and beats. Don’t know where we’d be without you.
We need more places like Hampton Inn: exceptionally mid. That’s how I like my movies, sandwiches and sports teams tbh.
I was so completely transfixed watching this fella crank slow pitch softball piss-missiles that I completely lost track of time and missed a fairly important work call. Such is life.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. 13 minutes of the best of Frank Reynolds. Just to get you to the weekend.
Don’t forget to check out the pod and comment to drink for free. Rock and Roll.
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