$20B AI-focused hedge fund “Situational Awareness” collapses, as 25 year old Gen Z whizkid founder Leopold Aschenbrenner is forced to sell all holding to Citadel. Collapsing before you have time to make this heralded list is special. Arguable even more impressive than being 30 under 30.
New study shows that human have the ability to live to 156 years old if they follow a strict diet, exercise regularly and not doing anything that makes live for living. I’m out. I’m not trying to work and make new friends in my 100s.
HBO Max releases new ‘Shorts’ feed where users can watch clipped videos of shows like it’s Instagram Reels. As always, Conner O’Malley was years ahead of this trend. This is the only way to consume prestige TV.
eBay pays $50M settlement to couple that they harassed for years by sending live cockroaches, a funeral wreath and a bloody pig’s head mask after the couple wrote negative stories about the site. That’s worth it. New way to secure generational wealth and it’s doing stuff like this.
All 55 countries that make up UEFA agree to boycott World Cup if FIFA sells private stake in tournament as planned (with Jared Kushner’s brother as the main investor.) Hell yes. Keep the beautiful game beautiful.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Meet Threehalves: a chain-saw wielding, two foot tall demonic centaur robot who will rescue humans in dangerous situations. Time to get myself into a disaster so this thing can save me by kissing me on the lips. Why’d they have to make it so fuckable?
Is this guy trying to save me or get me rock hard and horny as absolute fuckkkkk goddam. This is exactly my type
TSA is literally getting out of hand where you can’t even fly with a Civil War cannonball in your suitcase anymore without getting stopped. Thanks Osama.
Why it look like a meatball tho
Shame on the school district that hired Sally the hot robot who to be a teacher and then fired her after parents learned the bot came from a sex toy company. God forbid a woman try to move on from a difficult chapter in her life and do something to help the community. You just made a thousand Sally the hot robot teachers. Congrats.
Sally camping out under the students tables because her thirst for educating the youth is so strong she won’t let anything get in her way.
Thank god this Pogo stick video came across my timeline to remind me of a take I’ve been sitting on for a few years: Pogo sticking should replace bikes as the go-to city transportation share vehicles. Just think it’d be way cooler and more whimsical.
Imagine pogo-ing to work with the wind in your hair and a song in your heart. Does life get better than that?
Katy Perry got stuck in plastic water bottle and crowd-surfed for several minutes before they realized something was wrong. And that’s just the beauty of life.
A colony of ants in the park next to my house in 2011 passing around a water bottle my friends and I made into a bong to smoke the world’s worst weed out of so the ants could get high as well. (I’m sorry if that sentence made no sense but it’s Friday and I don’t do grammar on fridays)
Happy Smut Fridays. We got Sydney Sweeney lingerie line promotion to enjoy (someone check on Friday Beers admin in the comments ), Jessica Simpson throwing fastballs at age 46 & podcasters are doing this to get some clicks. Nice world we got.
Here’s some smut for the ladies. Love it when my bread makes things a little spicy.
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
It’s the dog days of summer. Let’s get ahead of our future betting for this NFL season. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Capesh?
New York Giants, Over 7.5 wins: Skattebo and Malik Nabers should be back at full strength (hopefully.) Their defensive line is absurd. Harbaugh doesn’t miss (except for this opening season speech.) If Dart can stay away from Trump rallies for the whole season, this team is going to sneak up on people. Worth the bet.
Buffalo Bills to win the AFC East: Sure the Pats signed AJ Brown, Geno Smith is the next coming of Joe Namath and the Dolphins exist I guess, but let’s be honest - this is the Bills division to lose once again. Josh Allen is Josh Allen. Book it.
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We are so back. Season 10 kicks off with an absolute banger from Sam Brown (this week’s podcast guest and Whitest Kids U Know star.) Feels like Christmas morning.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Actually insane that Bryan Johnson is now walking back his mission of living forever hours before we dropped an entire episode breaking down what this mean. He must’ve hacked into our servers to see the truth.
Read this on your lunch break: What Would It Mean to See A New Color?
The Empty Netters finally landed their big fish in Alexander Ovechkin. Must-watch interview from the good lads.
Brings a big smile to my face to see Emeril Lagasse’s son thrive as America’s most talented nepo baby.
I can’t believe this guy turned his toaster on on the first try like that. Genuinely remarkable work.
Couldn’t agree more with The Ringer that it’s time for a Steroid Era Hall of Fame re-do. These guys were real to me.
Seattle said yes to drugs and created a Zombie Apocalypse. Probably could’ve told you that would happen, but I respect the effort.
Bots have officially taken over our not just the Internet, but our entire lives. Very good read (break the paywall here.)
Odysseus as a high school football coach is an absolute banger of a video. Well done.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Lil Dicky ‘Ex Boyfriend’. The music video that started it all.
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