Single ticket bought in small Illinois town wins $1B Powerball jackpot, the 8th largest in history. Sounds cool, but the lump sum after taxes is barely Tobias Harris money. Being born with a tweener wing build that allows you to be a multi-level scorer who can defend multiple positions is the true lottery win.
Solar eclipse lived up to the hype on Wednesday (insane pic) and coincided with an unreal meteor shower. With this plus some bonkers news about alien life from the Pentagon, it’s an incredible time to be a space head.
Experimental Chinese bullet train breaks acceleration record, goes from 0-800 km/h in 5.3 seconds. That’s cute. Wouldn’t stand a chance trying to catch CJ Johnson in the open field, but it’s still impressive.
Luigi Mangione pleads guilty to federal stalking charges, will now seek to have his separate New York case thrown out due to double jeopardy. Don’t forget to take advantage of Daily Doubles and be smart with your wagering.
Jayden Daniels sends cease-and-desist to LSU after they allow another player to wear No. 5, the jersey he wore when he won the Heisman. Excellent decision if you wanted to spend the entire day getting roasted on Twitter. I could read these tweets all day. One more. And another.
PS - are you a college student and want to prove your school does tailgating best? We got a life changing opportunity for you. Here’s your shot. Opportunity’s knocking.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
You’ve made it in life when police recover 1,000 pounds of cocaine bricks with stickers of your face all of them in Peru. Erling Haaland, you’re officially a global star. Never saw Messi or Ronaldo get this level of recognition.
Drinking 12 beers tonight and asking my boy to meet me in the handicap stall with the “Haaland” tonight.
Anytime you get a fire extinguisher in the mix during a street fight, you’ve officially made my short-list for Fight of the Year video. Good golly.
Never even occurred to me that a fight extinguisher could be used as a weapon. That’s on me for thinking too small. Gotta be more innovative moving forward.
The unthinkable has happened. Joey Chestnut lost an eating contest, losing a tater-tot battle at a minor league baseball game. Sure, it took 2 men competing as a pair and they only beat him by 0.1 oz, but champions don’t make excuses. Hang ‘em up.
Mr. Chestnut if he’s not careful. Leave before the party’s over, big man
Gotta feel good to shut down the streets of DC during rush hour because police marked the blowjob machine you ordered online as a ‘suspicious package.’ The only thing that feels better than getting sucked off by a robot is inconveniencing others.
Only thing suspicious about this package is that it’s not sitting in my apartment right now, am i RIGHT fellas???
FRIDAY SMUT ROUNDUP. This Selena Gomez video has made me forgive her for committing investor fraud. This is the only way to market a smoothie. J-Lo is still hot, btw. Breaking news.
Also just want to say. Paul Skenes is getting dragged for this photo with Livvy Dunne, with people saying he looks out of shape. This would be the best my body has looked in 11 years. It’s hard to hear
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
We are so close to football season. Until then, NFC South betting future will have to do. Tap in here for a full breakdown.
SAINTS, OVER 7.5 WINS: Great good young QB in Tyler Shough, solid young WRs in Olave and Johnson, fantastic backfield of Etienne and Kamara, plus Kellen Moore leading the way. I see the vision.
PANTHERS, UNDER 7.5 WINS: Brutal schedule and Bryce Young probably stinks. They lived on a prayer last year and it was cute, but it’s time to come back to the earth.
JALEN McMILLAN, OVER 2.5 TDS : Mike Evans is gone so it’s time for McMillan to step up. He was electric 2 years ago (8 TDs!!) and battled injuries last year. It’s time.
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I need my wife gone
this banger of a video has some one-liners that are going to enter my permanent lexicon. Need to pound some shots of well whiskey that gets you hungover as you drink tonight. Well done, lads.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Not sure why a Harvard professor and lead scientist for the Pentagon UFO files agreed to come on our podcast to talk about aliens, but that’s 2026 for you. All-time episode if you like some alien talk.
Read this on your lunch break: Speaking for the Dead: on the art of the obituary.
BREAKING: Almost Friday is making a movie with Paramount and it’s gonna change cinema forever. Hell yes, guys.
The mystery of dark oxygen found deep underground the Earth’s surface is actually blowing my mind. Break the paywall to read here and join me.
The former Talking Tawh Tuah guys have another hit on their hands with Screentime. I could watch these clips all day long. It scratches my brain nicely.
40 notes on Rob Reiner and Stand by Me on its 40th anniversary. Might have to pop that shit on this weekend.
Antonio Brown vs. Julio Jones. I could grind these video essays all day long
This was the greatest karaoke performance I’ve seen in my life. Must watch.
Russell Westbrook is retiring so here’s an incredible tribute video, a deep dive by Bill Simmons, all-time tweet from KD and a peak dunk reel. Plus, him yelling at a kid during the bubble.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Full compilation of Timothy Olyphant on Conan O’Brien over the years. Legendary man.
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