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Taylor Swift announces key album details during her appearance on Kylie Kelce’s husband’s podcast, including a release date, key features, and a track list. We broke it down in case you want to speak to a woman this weekend.
Tesla and Waymo are preparing to enter NYC and take over the taxi industry with driverless cars. It’d make me very sad if we lost NYC cabbies. Gonna watch this Jimmy Fallon-Queen Latifah masterpiece to cheer me up.
InfoWars is officially back up for sale, which could pave the way for the Onion to purchase the site again. Please give them access to GoblinLove.net and the rest of these insane domain names that InfoWars has.
Kellogg’s will permanently remove toxic dyes from cereals, becomes first company to sign the legally binding agreement. Bummer. I am boycotting Big Cereal moving forward: it is supposed to be delicious, not good for you.
Little League condemns betting on the World Series, says ‘there’s no place for it.’ Completely agree. No one else bet on the Chinese Taipei squad to take it all and this kid who throws in the 80s. You’ll bring the odds down.
NOBODY WANTS TO DRINK ANY MORE
I don’t even recognize my own country anymore.
According to a new Gallup poll, just 54% of US adults reported consuming alcohol, the lowest rate since they started recording data in 1939. Even worse, 53% of Americans (and 66% of 18-34 year olds) now believe moderate drinking HARMS health, up from 28% in 2018. If we’re not careful, we’re going to end up with a second Prohibition.
Drinking is one of my biggest passions in life and probably my only actual hobby. And I’m doing completely fine, which the majority of Americans (especially young people) are not. Let’s fix that with a brief, yet meaningful, case for drinking.
This movie is the worst case scenario for drinking too much and it still made me want to go drink. Don’t sit on the sidelines of life, people.
THE CASE FOR DRINKING
It is fun. There is nothing that takes a night from normal to incredible quite like alcohol. You only have one life, don’t waste it getting a good night’s sleep so you can go hiking in the morning.
It gets you out of your comfort zone. You know what would actually solve the ‘Loneliness Epidemic’ and trend of people marrying their chatbots? Getting off your ass and actually talking to people in real life. You know what’s a perfect place to do that?? A bar!!! With other people!! And alcohol to make it less scary. And TouchTunes to play Levels on.
Getting drunk leads to drunk cigs. One of the true, simple joys of life and another great way to meet people. Having a few cigs a month isn’t going to kill you. Trust me and this guy.
It is delicious. Especially when you are having America’s most delicious light lager.
It is actually good for you! If you exercise regularly, moderate drinking makes you 25 - 40% less likely to have a heart attack or stroke. I don’t want either of those do you????
If none of that worked, just watch this motivational video. Go out there and take it.
From Italy to a Nasdaq Reservation
How do you follow record-setting success? Get stronger. Take Pacaso. Their real estate co-ownership tech set records in Paris and London in 2024. No surprise. Coldwell Banker says 40% of wealthy Americans plan to buy abroad within a year. So adding 10+ new international destinations, including three in Italy, is big. They even reserved the Nasdaq ticker PCSO.
Paid advertisement for Pacaso’s Regulation A offering. Read the offering circular at invest.pacaso.com. Reserving a ticker symbol is not a guarantee that the company will go public. Listing on the NASDAQ is subject to approvals.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Stop lying to us Chicago. We all know that there is a man trapped inside your Bean. If you don’t let him out, I will be forced to take drastic measure to rescue him.
LET HIM OUT OR I WILL BE FORCED TO FLICK YOUR BEAN, CHICAGO!!!!
RELATABLE: Man with the ‘world’s largest willy’ slips and breaks his arm in the shower because his ‘giant penis got in the way.’ This is exactly why I stopped bathing years ago. Just too dangerous.
Pretty sure the ‘World’s Largest Willy’ is this gentleman, former Jets great turned ESPN commentator Willie Colon. Unit.
Leonardo DiCaprio says he feels ‘emotionally in his 30s’ as he reflects on his life after turning 50. He even has a problematic age gap when he’s having sex with himself (code for cranking his hog to absolute smithereens.) Gotta respect it.
If being emotionally 20 years younger than you actually are gets you a gf like this, then consider me a 5th grader
In the dog days of summer, there’s nothing quite like slugging back a few Miller Lites with your boys after a long day of training camp. I might join the NFL after seeing this.
This whole picture is just a vibe. All they need is some cigs and they’ll be good to go.
Who are you buying a beer for?
THE MIKE EVANS EPISODE
Anyone else notice that Johnny Football’s been on a heater lately? Hopping on the Pat McAfee show, touring with Drake, and now getting his OG weapon Mike Evans onto the pod (PLUS Von Miller?) A Linsanity run like you read about.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
This interview with Satan himself was extremely eye-opening. I’m scared of what Mr. Beast is truly capable of.
Read this on your lunch break: Is former CumTown host Adam Friedland’s talk show the future of the format? I sure hope so.
BREAKING: the geniuses at Almost Friday TV have a full-blown TV show in the works with the makers of ‘Weapons’ and ‘American Vandal.’ Rocket ship.
Not gonna lie ‘What if the Social Network was wet??’ had me in stitches. I’m a very simple man.
The stand-up comedy video game actually looks pretty cool.
It’s Friday. Let’s ride off into the weekend with some of the most wholesome content I’ve seen hit the Internet. Let’s have ourselves a weekend.
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