New details emerge from Penn State fraternity cocaine ring, as Pablo Pledgescobar (Chaminade alum btw, which completely checks out) was taken down due to planning his escapades in Snapchat and his #2 accepting payment on Venmo using his legal name. I would’ve thought it was a prank too, bud.
James Harden signs a new 3 year, $97M contract with the Cavaliers. We may have a solution to the Gen Z job crisis (these stats are nuts): just become a generational stat-padder like Harden (and invest in a good fat suit.)
Little League World Series continues to be electric, as Mason Rincon hits as walk-off HR to help NJ (God’s country) take down Massachusetts (not God’s country.) Plus, we got a new Monet Davis and a 3B coach that needs to be fired. Crazy to think one of these kids could grow up to be Tugboat.
Lindsay Clancy trial resumes today after being delayed due to ‘unforeseen circumstances’ and dismissal of jurors. A verdict is expected to be reached next week in what may is the OJ trial for the Tik-Tok generation.
FDA upgrades recall of frozen blueberries at Publix to highest health risk level, in which there is a ‘reasonable probability of death.’ Fantastic. Really hoping my boss doesn’t read this. I’d hate for him to miss out on the blueberry smoothie I’m preparing for him to start the day today 😍
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
An Army unit will offer a 4 day pass to play GTA 6 as a re-enlistment incentive. Incredible tradeoff. 2 years of service in exchange for a long weekend of playing a video game that’s already been leaked. A deal only Nico Harrison would love.
Peyton Manning’s 15 year old son Marshall debuted as QB for the #12 team in the country and won. Look, it’s easy to win when this kid is your running back, but still very impressive. When I was 15, I spent my summer using my hand to practice making out.
He will lead the Jets to the Super Bowl in 2036 and end this curse once and for all. Mark my words.
If you were worried about the robots taking over, I wouldn’t sweat it for at least another year or two. If this is the best they got, we should be fine. Almost feel bad for the guy.
Reminds me of Gus Ferotte head-butting the end zone wall after a TD and concussing himself. A true where were you moment
I hate to blame the victim, but I have no sympathy for this woman who died in her car while at a grocery store, was revived, and then immediately got a parking ticket. The signs clearly say “90 minute parking” and you were there for hours. Stop taking spots.
Felt like a good time to reference teh scene in Entourage where Drama gets a parking ticket and freaks out. I’m on my 11th rewatch and it’s just top of mind.
SMUT CORNER: This GIF of Odessa A’zion has been viewed 46M times and every single one of those are from me. After seeing her throw out the first pitch at the Mets game, here’s a reminder that the AT&T girl is super hot. Salma Hayek is now the hottest grandmother in human history (after yours, of course. Tell her I say hi.)
Love that she is married to Adam Sandler in Grown Ups. In what world?
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
DOC’S LOCKS
We are so close to football season. Until then, NFC West betting future will have to do. Tap in here for a full breakdown.
ARIZONA CARDINALS, OVER 3.5 WINS: Brutal schedule. Waiting until Week 15 for bye should be illegal. But we love Trey McBride, Jeremiyah Love and are high on Carson Beck. They’ll sneak through with a clean 5 wins and cash this. Shock the world.
LOS ANGELES RAMS, UNDER 11.5 WINS: Another brutal schedule. Eagles, Broncos, Bills, Chiefs AND Packers, plus a strong NFC West? I don’t care if Aaron Donald shows up and has 100 sacks. 12 wins is a tall task and Stafford could die on the field. I’m out.
TREY McBRIDE, OVER 6.5 TDS: Jacoby Brisset or Carson Beck is gonna be under center. This is screaming a ‘dump it off to the TE’ type of year, especially with Marvin Harrison Jr. looking like he’s gonna stink. We’re riding Trey until the cows come home.
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addressing the situation….
so many bangers in this video. My new favorite heterosexual prank content couple.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
If you’re in your 20s and trying to figure out your life, you need to watch this interview with my new favorite author. Even if you’re not, send it to someone who is (and tell them to get this book.) That’s your good deed for the day.
Read this on your lunch break: Where’s the Beef?
We had $3k on the line in our latest getting high challenge. No one was laughing on the screen but you’ll be laughing on your computer. Must watch.
Surprised that none of you made an appearance at this year’s ugly people festival (cuz you’re ugly af.) Crazy title, but fantastic read here.
I was locked in this entire video. Time to go spiral and dive down some rabbit holes this weekend, once I’m done digging in to the Hayden Penettiere death investigation. Lotttt to unpack.
Fucking loved this long-form article on Canadien cowboys who fight wildfires. Absolute badasses. Break the paywall here.
If I get in a car accident and the only witness is this guy who failed community college, just shoot me on the spot. I’m not gonna last.
Norm McDonald joke compilations just run in a constant loop in my brain all day long. Hands down the GOAT.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Every Reggie Bush 40+ yard TD at USC. Insane that this is over 3.5 minutes long.
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