Zuckerberg unveils new Meta AI glasses, that fail in absolute spectacular fashion during a live cooking demo. People are making fun of this but I’m terrified. If my clanker robot girlfriend can’t cook me dinner, I may starve.
Bills beat the Dolphins to improve to 3-0 thanks to an absolutely masterful performance from Hailee Steinfeld’s husband, who threw 3 TDs and patiently waited his turn to celebrate each time. Respectful king.
Kash Patel grilled by Senate about FBI’s response to Charlie Kirk, the Epstein files and how he spurred a Krispy Kreme stock rally. Say what you want, but the man knows how to do a brand deal. Once a podcaster, always a podcaster.
Clayton Kershaw announces that he will retire after season, after a career that included 3 Cy Youngs, 2 World Series titles and 11 All Star appearances. He was easily the best hitting pitcher of our generation. GOAT.
A 58 year old dude is playing D3 college football. Absolutely incredibly story. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
But first…it’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day and to celebrate, we dropped a banger of a podcast episode including a breakdown with our buddy Rusty about the Stone Skimming Scandal, Robert Redford’s greatest moments and the most wholesome text you’ll read. Watch on YouTube or listen on Spotify and Apple. Bless you all.
NEVER GRADUATE
This is your weekly reminder that if you still have 4 years of eligibility left, it’s time to use it.
Tom Cillo is a 58 year old who’s playing D3 football at Lycoming College this season. He’s also my new personal hero. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
You gotta have a few screws loose to play defensive line in your late 50s. That’s a compliment btw.
Tom Cillo played high school football in the 1980s, but according to this tweet, decided to quit in order to do drugs. Honestly, I get it. You gotta focus on what you’re passionate in life. It’s not work if you love it.
After cleaning up his act, he spent 33 years working for the city’s parks and rec department while staying in shape and competing in power lifting competitions. God bless him. I can barely get through 18 holes of golf without pulling a hamstring (that’s mainly from the 14 beers, but you get the picture.)
While he made the team this off-season, the coach has been clear that he’s going to play the best players and Tom may never see the field. I’m calling bullshit here. It’s D3 football. Give him his Rudy moment. Or at least a Make-A-Wish moment like this.
It’s been an incredible couple of weeks for old guys doing young guy stuff. We have Tom, the 81 year old softball player, the 66 year old marching band member, and of course Nancy Pelosi continue to raking in millions in insider trading at the ripe old age of 85. Never lose your spark.
DOC’S LOCKS
Welcome to the grind. We got another beautiful slate of college football this weekend. Time to make bank with some picks from Dr. Locks and Glue Guy.
SEASON RECORD: 4-5
Time to put up or shut up this week, Bryce
#22 Auburn at #11 Oklahoma: Oklahoma -7
#9 Illinois at #19 Indiana: Illinois +6.5
#21 Michigan at Nebraska: Michigan -2.5
Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US) Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA)
*21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. See BetMGM.com for Terms. US Promotional offers not available in Ontario and Puerto Rico
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Brooks Nader, SI Swimsuit Model at large, confirms she WAS dating both Sinner and Alcaraz during the US Open, says “guys do it all the time, why can’t I?” Agreed. Hoping she also feels this way about Wii Tennis players (skill level 2012 btw, not to brag.)
Ok all I have to do in life is become the world’s #1 tennis player, win multiple majors and have sick hair and I can get to half-date this lovely lady with my biggest rival. Simple enough.
A pastor and his emotional support alligator Jinseioshi are officially banned from his local Walmart. Goddam shame. If you can’t push your apex predator pet around in a shopping cart while it wears a cute outfit, what is even the point of America?
Free Jinseioshi school walk-out day. Today 12 pm
A rare ‘tooth-in-eye’ surgery has restored a man’s vision after two decades of blindness. It’s like the old saying goes: a tooth for an eye, leaves the whole world not-blind. Or something.
I’ll be honest, if a doctor suggested putting my tooth in my eye, I’d punch him in the throat. I also am a really bad brusher, so I think my eye would just be filthy. I don’t get how the human body works to be perfectly honest (ask any woman I’ve ever been with.)
A bite from the Brazilian wandering spider can trigger a painful & sustained erection. That’s horrible. Where can I find one of these spiders? Just wanna see something.
Flying to Brazil and chasing this spider around, begging it to chomp me before I hit the bars tonight. Pain is a small price to pay for a sustained erection.
Who Are You Buying a Beer For?
INSANE BETRAYAL IN SURVIVOR PART 2
This has been an electric series. Said it before and I’ll say it again: Steve is the greatest performer of this generation, any generation in the past and any generation that will come in the future. Another must watch episode.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
I really want to believe this alien in Panama is real, but I simply cannot bring myself to do it. If this is what aliens actually look like, I’m gonna be pissed.
Read this on your lunch break: The Sport of Competitive Sauna.
A trailer for Tim Robinson’s new HBO show just dropped. Appears to be a banger. Let’s absolutely go.
The Summer I Fell Into a Toxic Teen Rabbit Hole is an excellent read.
Thank you to Good Work for doing good work as always. This deep dive on Why We Eat Slop Bowls is masterful.
I’m addicted to watching this guy’s videos. It scratches a part of my brain that I didn’t know needed to be scratched. This one sent me.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. Florida Man shredding the national anthem. Let’s have a weekend.
Like our newsletter? You’ll love our podcast. Episodes out every Friday, wherever you get your podcasts.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
