Ryder Cup is underway, and we are getting our asses kicked. Think the boys need a beer and dog at the turn to reset. It could be a generational sports weekend and you guys are ruining it. Big Daddy - our fate is in your hands.
Publicly traded strip club chain under investigation as execs bribed city officials with free lapdances and VIP sessions to avoid paying $8M in taxes. Look, don’t get mad at a tiger for having stripes. This should be allowed.
CEO of Live Nation-Ticketmaster says concert tickets are ‘underpriced.’ Completely agree. Health care is also too affordable, rent should be higher, and my lunch time slop bowl should cost $240.
MLB playoff race gets tight, as the Reds keep their season alive with an INSANE catch, the Tigers try to avoid a historic collapse and Cal Raleigh chases down Judge’s HR mark. This fan needs a statue.
Government shut down looms, as Democrats and Republicans have 4 days to agree on a stopgap bill. Guys, stop fighting, put your differences aside and address the one issue Americans can actually agree on.
It’s Friday. Let’s have a weekend like Charlie Sheen, who has slept with 47k women in his life (???), got cut off by the cartel for doing too much cocaine (???) and started having sex with guys mid-crack benders (relatable.) We break this down on the podcast, plus some Rapture updates, Lane Kiffin’s daughter dating an LSU player, drunk monkeys and more. Watch on YouTube or listen on Spotify and Apple. Blessings.
FALL HAS FALLEN
As of Monday, September 22nd, it is officially fall. And thank the good lord above and the great devil below. Is there any better time of the year?
The Fall of the Roman Empire did not make this last, sadly
Finally, you get the chance to wear clothes that hide your disgusting body (shoutout flannels and sweaters.) At last, you can reframe your regular depression as seasonal depression. Perhaps even pretend to enjoy apple picking and pumpkin flavored things.
It’s abou Soup Season. Beating your addiction to soup. Staying inside to watch TV and not feeling guilty about wasting a nice day. Contemplative walks. Watching the light leave someone’s eyes as you describe your joke Halloween costume that require a deep knowledge of niche pop culture references at a party. Decorative gourds.
Cuffing season. Staring at pictures your ex posted of her jacked new boyfriend during cuffing season. Watching leaves fall to their deaths. Getting lost in a corn maze and calling your mom to pick you up. Calling it Autumn and having people hate you. Tailgating.
All of these things are great, but which one is truly the best thing about fall? You’ll never know if you don’t click that link. As always, all opinions are correct and final.
DOC’S LOCKS
Welcome to the grind. We got another beautiful slate of college football this weekend. Time to make bank with some picks from Dr. Locks and Glue Guy.
SEASON RECORD: 6-6
Sailgating looks fucking sick
#1 Ohio State at Washington: Washington +7.5
#17 Alabama at #5 Georgia: Over 53.5
#24 TCU at Arizona State: Arizona State -3
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Shoutout to Shaun Alexander, our first ever winner of the coveted Fertile Guy of the Week trophy, who had his 14th child with his wife. The dude hates condoms more than he hates getting recognition for an incredible career. HALL HIM NOW.
HB Counter to the left with this man in Madden ‘07 was absolutely unstoppable. If Shaun Alexander has no fans, then I am dead.
Stop giving Sabrina a hard time for this quote. She never got to go to college and do a junior year study abroad semester that convinced her she invented travel and was better than every uncultured swine who stayed behind. It’s a rite of passage.
How does she get her legs to do that? I can barely touch my toes
A “very mean squirrel” seeking food has sent at least 2 people to the ER for unprovoked attacks. Realistically, if the squirrels decided to rise up, organize and attack us, we legitimately would not stand a chance. I stand with the squirrels.
“THIS IS NOT A JOKE” - ok but it’s still super funny, you have to know that
BREAKING NEWS: the actress who played Professor Sprout in two of the Harry Potter films has come out and said that Arnold Schwarzenegger once ‘farted loudly, purposefully, and malevolently in my face.’ Some people really do have all the luck.
This is the the high quality journalism that you come to the Daily Friday for
Rare jellyfish with 70 foot tentacles wash up on a Texas beach. Oh we’re all soooo impressed. Girls don’t actually like stuff that big because ‘it’s too messy and feels so good that it’s like scary so don’t worry about the size of yours, can you call me an uber?”
That does not look like 70 feet. Just saying. No shame in being a grower, not a shower but let’s dial back the cockiness, ok bro?
Who are you buying a beer for?
LOCKED IN PART 3
Three words to describe this video: Piss. Shit. Cannibalism. That’s all you need to know. Hammer that watch button or forever hold your peace.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED
Even if the Coldplay CEO kiss cam situation wasn’t actually an affair (which I still don’t believe), why are they bringing this back up? We all kinda moved on.
Read this on your lunch break: The Human Stain Remover.
New personal hero is the guy doing onside kicks into random things. That’s what it’s all about, boys.
True journalism: a reporter took a deep dive into the tiny corner of London that is coincidentally home to the 3 largest OnlyFans creators in the world.
60 Minutes: Guy Who’s Moving in with His Girlfriend is another banger from Willie.
This is the perfect thing to throw on at the pregame tonight. LFG.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. 30 minutes of The Other Guys deleted scenes.
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