The Daily Friday: Friday 9/27

1. Hurricane Helene hits Florida, wreaking havoc and knocking out power for over 4 million people in the Southeast. Gotta feel for Georgia: they are getting completely dicked right now. Literally.

2. Athletics win their last home game in Oakland with a sell-out crowd in attendance. Fans left the game with souvenir dirt and at least one souvenir trespassing arrest on their record. Worth it.

3. Costco confirms that they do NOT sell baby oil in bulk, despite what Diddy’s lawyer said. Well, it was a worth a shot. He must’ve bought it at BJ’s then. That would make more sense.

4. Judge dismisses suit by 18 year old who says that Ohtani’s 50-50 HR ball got ‘forcibly removed from him’ by another fan in the stands. Good. Kid didn’t want it bad enough. That’ll teach him.

5. NYC Mayor Eric Adams got indicted by the FBI. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

RIP TO THE KING OF COMEDY

Probably could’ve seen this one coming.

Eric Adams, potentially the (unintentionally) funniest person alive, has been charged by the FBI with 5 counts related to fraud, conspiracy and bribery from foreign nationals, becoming the first NYC mayor to ever face charges from the FBI. Trailblazer.

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• According to the FBI, beginning as far back as 2014, Adams received illegal campaign contributions from wealthy Turkish nationals and government officials (and defrauded the city out of $10 MILLION along the way) and more than $100k in free first class plane tickets and fancy ass hotel rooms. I would absolutely be susceptible to bribes like this. I’ve always been a ‘flies coach and stays at the Residence Inn’ guy my entire life (not by choice,) but once I get a nibble of that luxury life, I know I’ll stop at nothing to stay there.

• In exchange, Adams performed favors like pressuring the NYFD to allow a Turkish consulate building to open despite serious safety concerns and helping them build other skyscrapers. Honestly, this seems like a very fair deal. Being the mayor seems kind of chill, I might apply next time.

• Eric Adams and his team covered the whole thing up exactly how they ran the city: extremely poorly. The FBI has countless transcripts with his staffers, including one conversation with a Turkish Airways rep who apparently thinks $50 is a reasonable price for a first class ticket. Big Lucille Ball energy.

• When meeting with the FBI, Adams and his team pulled off a masterclass in maneuvering. While being questioned about specific (and damning) messages she sent Adams, one of his staffers excused herself to the bathroom and then deleted all the messages on her phone. Doesn’t matter that the FBI already had the texts: this is still genius. The mayor himself told the FBI he’d love to give them access to his phone, but he forgot his password. Gonna start using that excuse. Kinda can’t argue with that.

• In the past two weeks, NYC’s police commissioner, top lawyer and schools chancellor have all resigned due to various scandals. Personally, I have always wanted to resign in disgrace from a job. Sounds so much cooler than ‘getting laid off’ or ‘kindly not asked back due to that thing at the Christmas party. It would really be better for everyone tbh.’

We don’t know what the future holds for Mayor Adams, but for now let’s remember his greatest moments. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.

THE DOC’S LOCKS

The good doctor, Dr. Locks, is here all season long to help you sweat through your bets. As always, we’ll be partnering with BetMGM, so make sure you sign up today using FBDAILY for up to $1500 in free bets.

Season Record: 8-3 (3-0 last week 😤😤😤)

#2 Georgia at #4 Alabama: Georgia ML

Been going back and forth on what could be the game of the year, but for me, it comes down to the all-important X factor: no Saban. Tuscaloosa will be rocking but Carson Beck and co have the veteran experience to weather the storm. Dogs in a tight one.

#22 BYU at Baylor: Baylor -3

The Mormons made magic happen last week (and paid my rent) which means one thing: they should be faded like crazy. Baylor’s at home and at 2-2, are desperate for a win coming off a stunning OT loss to Colorado. It’ll be close, but the Bears will pull it out.

#15 Louisville at #16 Notre Dame: Notre Dame -6

The season is on the line tomorrow for Notre Dame if they want any shot of sneaking into the playoff after an ugly loss to Northern Illinois. Louisville is playing their first road game and can’t stop the run. Hammer the Irish and don’t look back.

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

‘World’s most sexually active woman’ has slept with 400 people in 2024, 2/3 of her goal for the year and just 398.5 more than me. Still got 3 months, anything can happen.

BREAKING: Your mom has crashed into a housing complex in Brazil 😏😏😏 

Meta introduces Orion AR glasses, perfect for anyone who is down to wear the largest glasses in human history while giving hackers access to everything you see.

Giant, demonic doll placed in England town to raise awareness about climate change. Haven’t seen a fat, evil, British baby with a liberal agenda get this much coverage since James Corden’s show ended AYO!

AFTV SEASON 4 IS HERE

An all-time set here from Will. One of the comedy heavyweights, at the peak of his powers, with NO holds barred. Beautiful to watch and I still can’t believe that Ellen completely ripped him off in her special. Shameless.

Season 4 is finally here, with new sketches dropping every Thursday on the ‘Tube (cool guy slang for YouTube.) Hammer that link below to subscribe 🤝🤝

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Don’t let me get on aux at the pregame, because I’ll immediately throw on the ‘Moscow Nights’ Tongue Singing Choir 1982 performance.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Cult of Wellness.

• This Bob Dylan 60 Minutes interview about song-writing describes my exact artistic process when it comes to writing this newsletter 3x a week.

• Derrick Rose retired yesterday. Gonna watch his highlights on a loop for the rest of the weekend.

• Even if Megalopolis is as bad as everyone says it is, Coppola still went on an unprecedented 4 film run (Godfather, The Conversation, Godfather II, Apocalypse Now.) But is it the best 4 film run ever? (I vote Scorcese.)

• I’d love to work for the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab. All I need is actual intelligence, years of training, and a couple marijuana charges wiped. Then, I’ll be good.