The Daily Friday: Monday 1/6

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

1. Golden Globes featured big nights for Emilia Perez, The Brutalist, Hacks and Shogun. My biggest winners: Nikki Glaser (let her host every year) and whoever came up with idea for the Fun Facts (Nic Cage’s was perfect.)

2. Fox Sports lawsuit features allegations that Skip Bayless offered $1.5M to a hairdresser for sex (wild quote from him) and that host Joy Taylor slept with Emmanul Acho and other executives in exchange for air-time. I stand with Joy.

3. Very pumped for TGL, the simulator golf league started by Tiger and Rory and featuring 24 PGA tour members, to start tomorrow night on ESPN. Finally, something new to bet on every Tuesday. We deserve it.

4. Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau resigns as party leader amid his government’s deep unpopularity. Some advice: take your lead from Biden and really just have fun with this time. Savor your last few weeks.

5. Apple will pay $95 million to customers in Siri spying lawsuit. I always knew Siri was listening to me. Explains why I targeted ads for therapy 11x a day.

THE PRINCE WHO WAS PROMISED

Luke Littler became the youngest dart champion ever at just 17 years old. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• Luke took home $500k for winning the title, which is truly insane. I don’t think I’ve made that much money in my entire life and I’m at least a decade older than him. He’ll have to wait to blow it all on bottle service though, because he’s still not old enough to legally drink. Suck it nerd.

• Littler burst onto the darts scene last year, when he lost in the finals as a 16 year old, but he’s been a darts legend for his entire life, having won 12 youth titles before turning pro on his 16th birthday. He threw his first dart when he was 18 months old, which is simply insane. Can kids even stand at that age? (I know nothing about children I’m realizing.)

• He was so well known for his post match routine of treating himself to a kebab and a can of Tango, that he’s already gotten free kebabs for life and a potential gig touring Turkish resorts as a kebab taste tester. However, in February he made the ultimate sacrifice: ditching the kebabs to focus on his dart physique. Greatness requires discipline.

• The dude just lives to dart. Luke describes his daily routine as ‘wake up, play on my XBox, have some food and have a chuck on the board, go to bed and that’s it.’ Have a chuck on the board is a sick way to describe darts. Stealing that.

NFL: Shoutout to Bryce Young. Going from a bust to getting the sickest picture of the season is a hell of a bounce back.

Loved to see Mike Evans get 1k yards on the last play, setting a record and making $3M in the process. Would’ve loved it even more if the Saints triple teamed him and had a pick-six to tie the game, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Jared Mayo and Doug Pederson should probably start updating their LinkedIns. And so should the Cowboys’ Malik Hooker after this play. Tyrek Hill’s has been updated for months.

Aaron Rodgers throws 4 TD passes in potentially his last game ever, as Jets win and fall to 7th draft pick. This post-conference was hilarious. 

NBA: Not gonna lie, like the rest of the NBA, I’ve been bumping LiAngelo Balls’ new song and it’s kind of a banger. He’s now catapulted up to #2 on my Ball ranking (Lavar is obviously #1.)

The Jimmy Butler trade situation is escalating extremely quickly.

BREAKING: Jalen Green is 22 years old and the stepfather to a 22 year old. This would make the best buddy movie. Someone get on that.

HOCKEY: Is there any tradition better than the squad belting out ‘USA Hockey is do or die’ at World Juniors? No, there is not.

NCAAF: As long as there are bowls, there needs to be the Duke Mayo Bowl.

SIZE MATTERS***

You shouldn’t let being broke get in the way of being awesome.

That’s why Riki invented their Tall Boys. 3 shots for $4. That’s 6 shots for $8. Hell, even 9 shots for $12 if you’re really loaded (ok Elon Musk over here.) Not a math guy, but that’s a pretty damn good deal.

Treat yourself to an entire night of fun without overdrafting your checking account. With Riki Tall boys.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

North Korea has banned hot dogs, makes cooking them an act of treason. We need to send Joey Chestnut there in a covert mission. Hot-dog diplomacy could save lives.

Costco is building apartments over its stores to address affordable housing crisis. Taking a girl back to the Costco Crib, giving her 90 seconds of pleasure (using Kirkland condoms ofc) and then treating her to $1.50 hot dogs the morning after is a dream.

Russian police fined 7 people for “looking too gay” during a nightclub raid. They should hire my uncle Tim. He’s got tons of experience doing this & is very unemployed.

A drunk Zambian police officer freed 13 prisoners so they could celebrate on New Year’s Eve. This is why I know I could never be a cop. I’d do this shit all the time.

MONDAY MOVE

As we start 2025, it’s important to remember one simple mantra: to go forward, you must go back. Enjoy another superb move breakdown from Bobby over at CBTM HQ.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• This chart breaking down the ‘current thing’ throughout 2024 kinda blew my mind. Completely forgot about the whole Princess Kate Middleton thing.

• Read this on your lunch break: If you had to store something for 100 years, how would you do it?

• Laughed out loud at Martin Urbano’s special that mocks ‘cancelled’ comedians multiple times over the weekend. Here’s a clip to give you a taste.

• Ok, hold up is Adrian Dittman actually not Elon Musk after all?

• Following the year in Hawk Tuah and meme-coin. Fun fact: if you bought FARTCOIN a month ago, you’ve outperformed the entire stock market since 1969. Nice little world we got going here!

• It’s the first (and most miserable) Monday of 2025. I’ll be playing this ‘people quitting their jobs in movies’ montage to get me through the day and I suggest you join me (can’t believe this Wanted scene didn’t make the cut.)