The Daily Friday: Monday 10/14

Today is Tony Soprano’s favorite holiday. Hope you all enjoy. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart today.

1. A world record was set at the Chicago Marathon, as a Kenyan runner finished in 2 hours and 9 minutes. 26.2 miles in less time than it takes to watch Megalopolis is crazy. Congrats.

2. SpaceX catches its Starship booster in historic engineering feat using mechanical arms known as ‘chopsticks.’ I haven’t seen that much dexterity with chopsticks since Jackie Chan. Remarkable stuff.

3. Historic day in NY sports, as the Yanks play in ALCS, the Jets and coach-killer Aaron Rodgers battle for first place in the AFC East, and the Mets try to even the series against LA (it’s all part of the Corgi’s plan.) So nice for New York sports to FINALLY get attention from the national media.

4. Some FEMA aid paused during hurricane recovery in North Carolina after threats were made to rescue workers from armed militia. Very brave move, guys. Really helping a lot.

5. Mystery drones swarmed a US base for 2 weeks, abruptly leaving before the Pentagon could figure out what or who they were. Pretty clearly alien UFOs who just got bored. That’s why you always start making out when you see a drone. Life lesson.

NFL: There’s only 3 guarantees in life. Death. Taxes. Will Levis doing something insane and becoming a meme in the 2024 NFL season. We don’t deserve him.

The Lions were so bored yesterday, they decided to let their offensive linemen try to score. Multiple times. And lined them up at receiver. Good day to be a big fella.

Jim Harbaugh leaves and returns to game with heart condition, says he’s ‘up 2-0 on arrhythmias’ now. Pretty badass. Almost makes you forget he might’ve shit himself.

CFB: This Penn State trick play to the center “worked” in the absolute vaguest sense of the word. Congrats though.

Insane Ohio State-Oregon matchup ends with Buckeyes QB Will Howard going full Dak mode to clinch the loss. Good win Ducks, but storming the field as the #3 team in the country is a little insane.

Colorado is addicted to playing instant classics, falls to Kansas State on late TD from QB Avery Johnson, who also did Deion’s TD dance. Brave man.

MLB: Doing this Kike Hernandez celebration in the office today with my absolute boy after he closes the Jefferson account. Praying he wears his extra thin chinos 🤞🏻

NBA: Lottttt of intriguing chatter between Donte DiVencenzo, Julius Randle and the Knicks assistant coaching staff. Gotta feel for Jalen Brunson here. Dad stop, you’re embarrassing me!

PUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FIRST

When that fall gloom comes around, it’s normal for the ol’ mental health to crash hard. It’s cold, it’s dark, and sometimes you just wanna curl up, look at pictures of your ex and her jacked new boyfriend on Instagram, and hate yourself until you go to sleep.

Happens to the best of us. For me, the only thing that makes me feel better (besides hitting all 7 legs of my NFL parlay) is talking it out. With a trained professional.

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Might move to Tokyo and enter the Space Out competition, where competitors battle over a 90 minute period for the title of ‘Best Daydreamer.’ I’d put up Wilt Chamberlain numbers. This is how I spent my entire academic experience.

Viral video appears to show a dog turning into a man. And? It was most likely Tim Allen after learning a valuable lesson about family and animal rights. Not a big deal.

This CEO knows that LinkedIn is for one thing and one thing only: updating your job title to ‘Inmate’ after going to jail for fraud. He’s locked in. Literally.

MONDAY MERCH

BREAKING NEWS: I just found my new Halloween costume (see above) AND we are now offering free shipping on all apparel site-wide. That’s pretty good.

Check out all our new fits (peep this set of shirts for your next group costume) and more at AlmostFriday.shop. Free shipping won’t last forever. Just saying.

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Hell of a roundup of moves on Could Be the Move last week. Need my local coffee shop to start crediting the bean hauler like this lobster roll joint.

• Read this on your lunch break: When the Arctic Melts.

• This video blew my mind. Apparently, ghosts being translucent is a relatively modern invention. Who knew?

• America’s young men are falling behind, struggling to start careers, move out of their parent’s homes or feel needed. I need you guys. And I love you too. Just FYI.

• Ashton Jeanty’s high school highlights are actually absurd. How in God’s name did no one besides Boise State want him?

• It’s Monday. Let’s all take a lesson from the Spurs this week: don’t settle for good shots. Push for great shots. Set the tone today 😤😤