The Daily Friday: Monday 10/7

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Hurricane Milton hits Category 5, heads to Florida coastline as state orders evacuation for surrounding areas. Stay safe everyone 🤝🤝

2. Joker 2 flops in opening weekend, making just $40M (less than half the original) and getting panned by critics and fans. Joaquin Phoenix knew right away it was a flop. Shoulda just backed out like he does with everything else. 

3. Kamala appears on Call Her Daddy podcast to talk about the Gluck Gluck 9000 her campaign while Trump brings Elon Musk onto stage to jump around like a real boy at a rally in Butler, PA. I love the state of the world.

4. Google AI podcasts are scary accurate, as a recording of robot-hosts learning they’re not human goes viral. Really hope that Will and Liam don’t realize the same thing or our entire company is screwed.

5. Padres tie series with Dodgers, blowing game open after LA fans threw balls on the field. This may have contributed to the tension, but what do I know? It’s not like I was captain of my JV baseball team or anything 🙄

MLB: Nick Castellanos hits walk off single, as the Phillies tie the series with the Mets and break Grimace’s heart. Who cares, Mets in 5.

NFL: This right here is my tackle of the year so far. Really let the intrusive thoughts win.

Look, Deshaun Watson played bad, but I don’t think we need to Old Yeller him. Dial it back a notch, Terry.

Riley Moss gets the first INT from a white corner INT in the last 20+ years. As good a time as any to throw on some Jason Sehorn highlights. That’s my GOAT.

Rounding up the rest of Sunday: the Bengals game was insane, Kyler Murray is the fastest kid alive, Bills choke/Fairbairn is unreal and Aaron Rodgers looks super old.

CFB: Vanderbilt beats Alabama for the first win EVER against a top 5 team, as Bama wastes another insane Ryen Williams play. I hope the fans made a stop at our bar in Nashville afterward. They must have been really thirsty carrying those goal posts.

Rounding up a wild weekend: Arkansas stuns #4 Tennessee, Miami storms back, U-Conn turns a goal line stand into a TD and Michigan gets exposed. Lottttt of shuffling in the Top 25 coming up.

Jeanty Williams is just ridiculous.

NBA: Bronny James and his dad played in an NBA game together. Prepare to hear about it from Bleacher Report for the next 10,000 years

Kawhi is hilarious. I wanna be best friends with him.

PUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FIRST

When that fall gloom comes around, it’s normal for the ol’ mental health to crash hard. It’s cold, it’s dark, and sometimes you just wanna curl up, look at pictures of your ex and her jacked new boyfriend on Instagram, and hate yourself until you go to sleep.

Happens to the best of us. For me, the only thing that makes me feel better (besides hitting all 7 legs of my NFL parlay) is talking it out. With a trained professional.

With BetterHelp, you can get matched with a therapist in less than 48 hours. No more waiting days, weeks or even months to find someone.

Sign up with code FRIDAY25 for 25% off your first month today.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Dua Lipa reveals new drink recipe: Diet Coke, pickle juice and jalapeno. That’s so funny, I was just saying that’s my favorite way to drink it. We have so much in common it’s literally crazzyyyy babe

A woman ate her husband’s ashes after looking through his computer and finding his secret life of affairs, porn and hookers. Really gotta wipe my computer before my future wife finds my secret Roller Coaster Tycoon empire. She’ll be super jealous.

Glitch causes every airline passenger’s TV to play Daddio, an erotic R-rated film, for entire flight. Some 14 year old boy just had the best flight of his life. Massive spank-bank deposit.

The ‘Russian Leonardo DiCaprio’ was sent to fight in Ukraine after gaining too much weight to keep working as his look-alike. He took body double a little too literally.

MONDAY MOVE

This is a great Monday move. After yet another life-threatening weekend, it’s important to start the week off with some easy wins to get back to homeostasis. Calling your family and appearing like an international businessman are two of the top items on my list. Great way to kill two birds with one stone here.

Quick tip: chin scratch is important, but don’t be afraid to throw in some vigorous head nods, fake note taking, and even a deep sigh for believability. You got this.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• It’s almost Halloween. Treat yourself to a Sopranos Spirit Halloween shirt. Because you deserve it 🤝 

• Read this on your lunch break: Why does Yellowstone National Park turns us all into maniacs?

• 2024 has officially been the Year of Snoop Dogg, the closest thing we have to a national mascot. And I’m perfectly ok with that.

• Nate Bergatze should have host SNL once a year. Loved his opening monologue and George Washington sketch, but the golfer one was the best. Reminds me a bit of my favorite YouTube sketch group.

• This clip inspired me to watch the Aaron Hernandez show and it’s even worse than you can imagine. 10/10 would recommend.

• Shoutout to this librarian who recorded everything on TV for 30+ years, over 71,000 tapes that are the only record of television during the time period.