It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
FAA lifts flight restrictions after shutdown ends, right in time for the holidays. Perfect, now we can all sit next to old Congressmen scrolling through porn on their i-Pads. Sort of the dream, if you ask me.
Wicked: For Good is hitting theaters on Friday, as the second installment of the Wicked franchise comes to save movies after the worst October since 1997. Time to repeat the double feature schedule from last year.
A ring of Jersey, Mafia-connect bookies was busted and included former Rutgers wrestlers and their mothers. Never would’ve been exposed on Tony Soprano’s watch. Damn shame.
House vote on the Epstein files expected for Tuesday, as Trump changes his tune to support their release. Strange timing. Did something happen over the weekend involving him allegedly sucking one lucky Bubba completely bone dry?? What a beautiful world we live in.
A baby otter was reunited with his mother in California after a months long search. Maybe the world isn’t so bad after all. Let’s have a week out there.
NFL: Nothing I love to see more than a mascot team running a tush push against a squad of children at halftime. Sorry kids, but it’s a legal play.
Instead of crying about it, fix your leverage and stop the play. Grow up.
DO NOT STAND ON THE TRACKS WHEN THE DARNELL WASHINGTON TRAIN IS COMING. Good lord.
What’s up with everyone spitting on each other in the NFL these days? Why aren’t I included in this?
I’m so sick of the Shedeur Sanders conversation in the media that I’m actually glad he’s getting to play. Let him prove the haters right.
Anyone else have zero clue that Justin Herbert had a brother named Patrick who plays TE from the Jaguars and looks exactly like him?? Does Madison Beer have a sister he can date too??
NHL: Pretty wild to see a benches clearing brawl at MSG during the Rangers-Red Wings game last night (isn’t that more of a baseball thing?) just 24 hours after an in-stands brawl at MSG during a UFC fight. Things are getting testy at the Mecca!
This sort of resembles the electoral map of the United States but opposite
NCAAF: If karma was real, Texas A&M would not have come back and beat South Carolina after this dickhead move from a sideline cop, but alas, there is no cosmic balance to the universe and morality died a long time ago.
What a roller coaster of a play here from the good folks at Oregon. Quack quack.
This may be the most electric, 105-yard pick 2 I’ve ever seen. If they keep making plays like that and like this, Notre Dame is going to win the national title with 2 losses and piss everyone off. Love to see it.
NBA: Steph Curry dropped Under Armor as his shoe sponsor and then scored 45 and 49 points, so I’m going to follow his lead and also drop them as my shoe sponsor (they have no idea I exist.)
We need to start putting some respect on the name of the Pistons half-time dance crew. This is the level of Unc I aspire to one day. Thank you for your service.
Me and the crew hitting Hair of the Dog at the age of 26
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Dick Van Dyke nears age 100, says he is “Blind, Deaf, Housebound, Friendless, Stooped, Crippled and Bemused by Cruelty of the World.” Honestly, that’s how i feel during every single Sunday hangover rot and I always survive. Getting old is easy.
Is Dick short for Dicholas or Dichard?
Sydney Sweeney says “I know what you fuckers Google” during Wired interview. Well that’s certainly embarrassing she knows how often I look up “what is the name of the cat in Garfield” and “how to un-pee your pants??” Might have to go Incognito now.
this is certainly one of the press tours of all time
A new Labubu movie is in the works at Sony, proving once again that The Studio is a documentary. There is a certain subset of people that are going to be into that popcorn bucket in a concerning way. I’m looking at you, furries.
We really do live in a satire these days
Thank you Bill Ackman for this remarkable piece of dating advice: to approach women and say “may I meet you?” Can’t see how that fails.
this has been my entire Twitter FYP this weekend and I don’t hate it
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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Never respected a man more than the fella who stole a bus and drove it 150 miles after he missed his own bus. How you take matters into your own hands.
Read this on your lunch break: Boomers Are Passing Down Fortunes (and way, way, too much stuff.)
Marcello Hernandez has an all-time Sebastian Maniscala impression. Is SNL good again??
Love to see Matthew Belloni get his own NYT feature. Big moment for The Town heads everywhere.
Call me crazy, but I think Ice Spice’s new song from the SpongeBob Movie, ‘Spongebob Big Guy Pants’ actually goes extremely hard.
Where were you when former QB Josh McCown played slot receiver for a game against the Patriots and kind of balled out??
It’s Monday. Let’s dance into the week like this gentleman here. Who has it better than us??
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