The Daily Friday: Monday 11/18

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart today.

1. Jake Paul beats Mike Tyson but the real winner was Tyson’s ass cheeks that are begging to be clapped that one super hot ring girl. Netflix better fix their buffering before the Christmas NFL slate or I’ll do nothing and still watch it.

2. The Pentagon has failed their 7th audit in a row, unable to fully account for $864 billion budget. Yeah, I’m officially not paying taxes this year. I also didn’t pay the last 5 years (please don’t tell on me) but this is different.

3. Inside the NBA’s rights are sold to ESPN, ABC as the former TNT show will survive at least another year. ESPN is definitely going to force Stephen A and Mad Dog onto this and completely ruin it. It was nice while it lasted though ❤️ 

4. Biden becomes first sitting prez to visit Amazon rainforest & we may never see him again. He probably just got lost in a wormhole and will re-emerge in 45 years mumbling about ice cream & bat soup. Nothing to worry about.

5. Denmark wins first Miss Universe title ever, as former pro dancer Victoria Kjaer Theilvig takes home the title. Congratulations. Daily Friday-Kjaer Theilvig is a beautiful last name for our future child #progressive🙏🏻

NFL: The Lions dominate Jaguars 52-6, the second time they’ve scored 52 points and the 4th time they’ve gone over 40 in just 10 games this year. That’s insane.

Giants bench Daniel Jones, will give start to Tommy DeVito. Can’t wait to nap through this matchup on Thanksgiving.

There’s one constant in life: the Bears are gonna Bears and the Jets are gonna Jets. Balance has been restored to the universe.

Someone needs to save Burrow, Hendrickson and Jamar from Cincy.

NBA: Dillon Brooks has settled in the perfect role in Houston: mascot enforcer.

De’Aaron Fox dropped 60 and 49 points in back to back games. Doubling Ben Simmons’ entire season point total in 48 hours is crazy work.

La’Melo Ball fined $100k for using homophobic slur in post game interview, clearly has learned his lesson.

CFB: Just give Travis Hunter the Heisman already. He can run, he can catch, he can play defense ANDDDDD HE CAN PASS!

Purdue gets smoked by Penn State and I place the entire blame on their field painting team. Can’t have that.

UNLV’s chicken finger and pizza pricing is simply out of control.

You’re not gonna see a better big man touchdown than this scoop and score from Southern University’s Willie Miles. Need Chris Berman to commentate that whole clip.

HS FOOTBALL: After watching this clip of a helicopter dropping a ball at midfield and letting the captains fight over it, I never want to see another coin toss again.

CBB: Father of the Year: Rick Pitino quiets the St. John’s crowd after they start chanting ‘who’s your daddy’ to the opposing coach, who also happened to be his son.

I’m begging Bowling Green to make the NCAA tournament so we can watch this big fella ball.

Carmelo Anthony’s son has followed in his father’s footsteps, also commits to Syracuse. I would actually pay to watch these two play Bronny and Bronny Sr in 2v2. I wouldn’t pay a lot but I would pay.

Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

ALMOST RIKI’D

Riki is our new favorite canned mixed drink, Soon, it’ll be yours too. 

Here’s two main reasons:

1. Riki Gets You Drunk: Each drink is 7% ABV, giving you way more bang for your buck. If you’re not a math guy, that’s equivalent to 1.5 shots per can, 2.5 shots per tall boy, and 1 bottle of alcohol per 12 pack. That’s 55% higher ABV than High Noon! Pretty damn good. 

2. Riki Tastes Delicious: Riki’s made with award-winning Breckenridge Distillery spirits (vodka and tequila) and is chock-full of all-natural fruit juice in every sip. Scrumptious. 

So, what are you waiting for?

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Imagine trying to find love without ‘Pookie Tools,’ the AI dating advice app from the Hawk Tuah girl?? I simply could not fathom it, to be perfectly honest.

There’s a new bad boy of the pickle-ball industry and it’s this dude who kicked his opponent in the face during a friendly game. This is like getting into a fist fight while playing Pokemon Go: understandable and completely awesome and cool.

Man sues Frontier Airlines for $150k after flight attendant spills hot tea on his lap, leaving him with a disfigured penis. Wait, you’re telling me I’ve had a disfigured penis for years and I haven’t made a dime off it? I’m humiliated.

MONDAY MOVE

This move might be up there with my favorite moves of all time. This kid has reinvented the door holding game. Wouldn’t be surprised if we saw a quadruple door hold by 2026.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• It’s Monday. Treat yourself to some apparel from AlmostFriday.shop, now 20% off site-wide. They’re all bangers but this hat is my personal favorite.

• Read this on your lunch break: When Chatbots Take on Therapy.

• Ben Affleck broke down what video AI model will do to film and movies and I actually feel a lot better about the future. Way better than I did after reading these stats on literacy rates in America.

• A Japanese man is crossing America on a bicycle and documenting his interactions with people and it’s actually wholesome af. 

• Thank you to this man, who compiled all the insane moments in Megalopolis so you don’t have to actually watch the movie. Hero.

• Need something to get you over the hump this afternoon? Queue up 2 minutes of perfect bunts and coast right into the week.