The Daily Friday: Monday 12/2

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

1. Joe Biden pardons his son Hunter, covering any potential crimes committed from 2014-2024. God, I wish my dad was President so badly. Now if Joe can just get Hunter a Lakers roster spot, then I’ll be really impressed.

2. College football rivalry week leads to multiple brawls, as four teams attempt to plant flags at midfield, mascots threw hands, and coaches had to be separated after final whistles. George Pickens’ influence needs to be studied.

3. Moana 2 opens to $386M globally, teams up with Wicked and Gladiator II to bring home the largest domestic Thanksgiving weekend of all time. Good for The Rock. He needed a win after Red One & his Army recruiting brand deal.

4. Australia bans social media for kids under 16 in historic law that could go into effect as early as 2025. The Lunchly crew better hope this doesn’t come to the US or they’ll have zero fans. Could be the end of the Mr. Beast empire.

5. Vito the Pug wins Best in Show, becomes the first pug to ever take home the title in National Dog Show. He’s the Jackie Robinson of the dog world…respect. PS - love to see Kornacki get work outside of election season.

And in more breaking news…our biggest sale of the year continues today. We’re offering 35% off everything on the shop. Happy Cyber Monday, team 🤝🤝

NFL: What an insane 48 hours for Josh Allen, who got engaged to Hailee Steinfeld, pulls off this play in the snow and gets 35% off this sick ass shirt for Cyber Monday.

Is it time to Old Yeller Justin Tucker? This is what happens when you mess with the Chiefs and Taylor Swift’s voodoo magic.

Speaking of Chief’s magic - I’m still trying to figure out how they pulled Friday’s win out of the hat. Raiders were almost as bad as the Bears on Thanksgiving (RIP Eberflus.)

Trevor Lawrence reportedly doing ok after scary hit from Texans’ Azeez Al-Shaair. Dirty hit, but 20 years ago this absolutely would have led the Jacked Up segment.

NCAAF: The only thing more incredible than Georgia’s 8 OT win over Georgia Tech is this fireworks shot. What an insane game.

Travis Hunter scores 3 TDs and gets an INT, likely wraps up the Heisman in Colorado’s rout. Justice for Jeanty.

It’s rare you get to hear a man go through puberty on live TV, but Gus Johnson treated us to that during the Michigan - OSU game. Happy for him.

If Notre Dame RB Jeremiyah Love isn’t automatically on the Olympic high-jump team after this play, what are we even doing anymore?

NBA: Dillon Brooks definitely watched college football this weekend and was feeling left out. Good for him getting in on the action.

NHL: This is currently atop my leaderboard for goal of the year.

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Thank you Target for finally offering a realistic portrayal of Santa (incredibly hot and fuckable.) Can you really blame any Mommies for kissing him under the mistletoe? He’s a rockstar and a global sex icon.

Gotta respect the rizz from Miami’s mascot, who hit on a reporter mid-game. The worst she can do is say no (and expose you in front of the world and get you fired.)

Total travesty this man only received a $2.55 settlement after getting a smooth Mars bar. The emotional trauma of eating candy with no dick vein is worth at least $100k.

Kudos to the GA cop who got shit-faced and began directing ‘non-existent traffic.’ When I get drunk, I run into traffic but this guy directs it. Dude’s born to be a cop.

MONDAY MOVE

If you don’t respect yourself and your crew, who will?

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Just another reminder to hammer these Cyber Monday deals over at AlmostFriday.shop. Reply to this email with your receipt and I’ll give you a shoutout in Wednesday’s send 🤝🤝🤝

• Read this on your lunch break: Can the legal system protect the ‘vibe’ of an influencer?

• God, it’s gotta feel so good for this beaver to build a dam out of stuffed animals in a hallway. Just doing what you were born to do. This is how I feel drinking 18 beers in a weekend.

• This story about a couple that realized they’d been raising each other’s biological children after an IVF mix-up is wild. This is going to be a Reese Witherspoon movie in about 3 years, guaranteed.

• Football in the 1940s was actually pretty sick. Josh Allen would have thrived in that era.

• Let’s end on a feel-good note with this story about a former Baltimore drug kingpin who used boxing to help save kids from the streets and inspired a Wire character. If he can get that, you can survive today at the office.