It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Action packed Olympics weekend highlighted by 2 golds in figure skating for the US (love that Quad God flips just for the hell of it), Lindsey Vonn’s comeback being cut short (I blame this squirrel) and an incredible curling performance. We picked the perfect year to become curling heads. LFG.
Klarna introduces a ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’ option for rent, with massive penalties for missing payments. Can’t see how this backfires at all. This could have larger economic implications than the Netflix password sharing bubble.
Valentine’s Day approaches on Saturday, as spending is expected to hit a record $29B this year. Fellas, you have less than a week to get that reservation for 12 at Dave and Buster’s. Can’t let the crew down on Malentine’s Day.
Groundbreaking case with identical twins on trial for murder in France, as prosecutors can’t distinguish between their DNA evidence and are unable to tell who fired the gun in a 2020 murder. God, I wish I had a twin so bad.
The Seahawks beat the Pats in an absolute snoozefest. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
THE SUPER BOWL WAS SUPER MID
Well, that was a bust. At least the memes were decent.
Genuine congrats to Sam Darnold. The first man to win a Super Bowl and have a mono-graphic. He deserves everything the gets
Kenneth Walker takes home Super Bowl MVP, proving once and for all that the world is run by guys who dress like Tony Soprano. Take notes, boys.
I didn’t need to understand a single word of the Bad Bunny halftime show to understand one universal truth: Jessica Alba is an angel from above. That transcends language (PS- pretty sick that two people actually got married during the show. That’s one way to save money on a wedding.)
Anyone else feel like the era of good Super Bowl commercials is pretty much over? That Ring camera one was scary as fuck, the Dunkin sitcom mashup made me physically ill and the Mike Tyson being afraid of fat people one was a comlete jump-scare. Not the best message to get 14 chicken wings deep.
Respect to Patriots WR Kyle Williams for this open field tackle on the streaker. Most productive moment from the New England offense all day. Kalshi insider trading has gotten completely out of control.
Mack Hollins is lucky that he scored a touchdown last night, otherwise this pregame fit would have haunted him in the meme world forever. Can this guy just be normal for once?
Let’s pour one out for Teigan the special needs dog, who died after starring in this year’s Puppy Bowl. She truly left it all on the field. I’m gonna need a minute.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
I for one am absolutely thrilled to see this evolution of the English language led by the greatest performance artists of our time: Clavicular live-stream tweet captioners.
One of the greatest questions of our time (I’m embarrassed that I understood this entire sentence with ease.)
New way to get CTE just dropped and it’s the league where two massive dudes run into each other full speed. Real-life jousting goes extremely hard.
If they want to spice up the Pro Bowl, they should absolutely add this next year
A unicyclist who was arrested for juggling fire at an intersection goes viral after police cam footage shows the cop admitting that it was “actually really good.” Honestly, kind of a W for the juggler. Validation as a unicyclist is hard to come by.
This is actually kind of worth going to jail for.
Who's Having the Best Monday?
READ THAT AGAIN
Editor’s Note: This is new weekly guest segment from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week in a way that only they can. ENJOY.
Salutations, rare fish investors. Organic children’s food company (made for kids, not of them), Once Upon a Farm IPOd last week. Jennifer Garner is listed as a co-founder. Good to see you’ve found some success, Jen.
Once Upon a Farm, ticker $OFRM, debuted at $21/share on the exchange and closed up 17% on Friday. Their organic products have hooked avocado-toast-eating millennial parents and their insufferable vegan, gluten-free offspring (Montessori).
I’m told this is being hailed as a success. When I was actively committing securities fraud (I still am, but I did before too), this wouldn’t warrant a participation trophy.
See, when I was 13, I made the life-changing decision to legally transition into a 30-year old (I was stuck in the wrong body). By the time I was 31, I had IPOd on four international stock exchanges with 10 different public companies (9 successfully went bankrupt). I can only hope the shareholders of Once Upon a Farm can follow in my wealth-trajectory footsteps (penniless).
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Rob on this season of Traitors is putting on the single greatest performance in any competition since prime Tiger. Doesn’t help that he’s competing against a bunch of morons, but still. Impressive work.
Read this on your lunch break: The Great Meme Reset Didn’t Work.
This may be the best fantasy football punishment video I’ve ever seen. Feels like a full movie.
Genuinely had no idea how painful cross-country skiing was, but this article blew my mind. Anyone who does this sport is a psycho (complimentary.)
What would you have picked from these Super Bowl party options? I’m going Michael Irvin, Buzz Balls, Sloppy Steaks, Gorilla Chair, and Spontaneous Head Given.
The Could Be the Moves newsletter is genuinely incredible. Just banger after banger. It gets a Must-Subscribe from the Daily Friday.
It’s Monday after Super Bowl. Always Sunny Bloopers, just to get us through the worst work day of the year.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
