The Daily Friday: Monday 3/3

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

1. John Cena turns heel on Saturday night at Elimination Chamber after 20 straight years as a face. This is the biggest villain turn since Ray Allen left the Celtics for the Heat. I’m just worried for those Make-A-Wish kids.

2. Trump announce Crypto Strategic Reserve, highlights 5 cryptocurrencies under consideration. Someone explain if this is good or bad news for my Luigi Mangione memecoin. That’s the future Daily Friday Jr.’s entire college fund rn.

3. Skype is shutting down after getting their ass kicked by Zoom and Slack. Cool that Lebron has outlasted Skype, but I won’t be impressed until he outlasts Chatroulette. That site highlights the true purpose of the Internet: a same space for random men to show you their penis.

4. World’s biggest call center is using AI to ‘neutralize’ Indian accents so Western customers can understand them. Solid idea. Hope they never do that with Xavier Legette’s accent. It’s more fun having no idea what he’s saying.

5. The Oscars were last night and Timmy C got snubbed. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

PS - just a quick reminder from Daily Friday HQ that we are entering the prime of the year. Tomorrow is Mardi Gras, conference tournaments start this week, day light savings ends on Sunday, and the Almost Friday card game still has a perfect 5.0 rating from users. We are about to be all the way back. Let’s have a week.

RECAPPING THE OSCARS

• Anora was the big winner of the night, taking home 5 awards including Best Picture and Best Actress for Mikey Madison (I’ve watched this edit 100x.) Personally, so inspired by their success I will be taking up sex work myself. Trying to get like this guy. Also, Sean Baker’s speech made me sign up for AMC+.

• Adrian Brody takes home his second Oscar for Best Actor (he’s Eli Manning but for movies,) gives an acceptance speech 5x longer than anyone should comfortably have sex for (5 mins, 40 seconds,) and gets a big ol’ sloppy smooch from Halle Berry right in front of his professional gum catcher.

• Timothee Chalamet was snubbed for the Best Actor award again (feel like he should’ve been nominated for Dune instead?) but still pulled off a fit that is just begging to have a cob of corn rubbed on it. This is a set-back for White Boy Spring, but it is not a defeat. We will retool and come back stronger.

• Gotta hand it to Ben Stiller. He was able to pull off a funny hosting bit AND still track the Knicks game. Dude is locked in.

• Some other rapid fire thoughts: Margaret Qualley is Mommy (watch your back, Jack Antonoff,) Conan O’Brien should host every year (fantastic Drake joke,) Kieran Culkin’s acceptance speech was great, and I am disappointed but unsurprised that the Emilia Perez songwriters sang their own song. Wish they sang Penis to Vagina, but beggars can’t be choosers.

SUN’S OUT, RUM’S OUT

It’s been a long winter, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are knocking on the door of prime good weather season and I can feel it in my bones. Can you? 

When the sun finally starts to come out and the vibes start to turn up, nothing hits the spot quite like a Bacardi & Cola. The recipe is simple. Just 1.5 parts Bacardi Superior Rum, 3 parts cola, and a littleeee lime as garnish and you’re ready to rock. 

So what are you waiting for? Go find your perfect cocktail mix today. 

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Zuck, clearly inspired by Kendall Roy, pulls off the Benson Boone impression of a lifetime at his wife’s 40th birthday. He’s so close to coming out of the doghouse for publicly catching a glimpse at Lauren Sanchez’s warlocks. Keep pushing Mark.

Citi Bank accidentally credited a client’s account with $81 trillion instead of $280 last year. Tipping culture has gotten completely out of hand.

Future generations will remember March 1st, 2024 for their APUSH exams as the day Big AJ posted “We’re Costco Guys.” Can’t believe it’s been a year. Feels like a second.

MONDAY MOVE

The move every single Monday. Heavy emphasis on scheming against enemies.

PS - it has come to my attention that some of you have not seen CBTM’s deep dive on Dive Bars. Absolute travesty. Watch it now. It’s truly poetry.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Thank you to Billy for planning his toaster bath so far in advance. Just makes juggling everyone’s busy schedule at the office that much easier.

• Read this on your lunch break: Why Every Fast Food Restaurant Has an App Now.

• Haven’t felt myself represented in popular media quite like I did during this Shane Gillis SNL sketch from Saturday. Thank you Mr. Gillis.

• It’s never a bad time for a throwback to a Mount Rushmore edit of best HS dunkers from Who’s Next. That’s my GOAT right there.

• Don’t totally agree with all of it, but I thought this article on ‘The End of Seriousness’ was a good commentary on online discourse in today’s day and age. It’s ok to be earnest (or at least not ironic) sometimes.

• Pretty wild that this entire sequence from Severance was shot without CGI. I actually don’t know if it’s wild because I have zero film-making experience, but I trust everyone online who says that it is.

• It’s Monday. Let’s attack our week that same way this fella attacks his lute during a magnificent performance of Free Bird.

PS: last and final reminder to ask us stuff for our mailbag. Coming out Friday.