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It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Rory wins the Master’s for the second year in a row, becoming the 4th golfer ever to win back-to-back green jackets. Can’t believe every player doesn’t just do this by the way. Why didn’t I think of that?
Coachella dominated by Bieber, who pulls out his MacBook and watches random YouTube videos onstage (greatest sign of love a straight man can display btw.) Meanwhile, everyone needs to give Sabrina a break, Katy Perry and Trudeau have the dream relationship & this was peak male performance.
US and Iran are back to fighting, as America begins a blockade of the Strait of Hormuz and the Israeli military continues attacks in Lebanon. Meanwhile, the Pope and Trump have renewed beef. Can we just get like one full week of no global conflict? That would be kinda sick.
Meta has built an AI version of Zuck to interact with and provide feedback to employees so they feel more connected to the founder. Sounds awesome. The only thing better than one boss is a second robot boss that lives forever.
NBA regular season wraps up, with play-in starting tomorrow (can’t believe the Heat aren’t playing the Bulls again.) Perfect time to tap into Who’s Next Show to stay up to date. The only show for ball-knowers and moms.
THE FIRST THIRD SON
Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY
Salutations, GLP-1 users/McDonal’s investors. April is the season to remember that, regardless of where you come from, you too can make billions in the energy drink industry.
But as with most verticals, success does tend to come easier (not that kind) if you are the son of a billionaire and/or President of the US. (Trust me, I know.)
Very tall son
First (third?) Son Barron Trump is launching a beverage company in the energy drink space. So far, SOLLOS Yerba Mate, Inc. has raised $1M from private equity to create “the perfect summer drink.” And they’re beginning to preview their pineapple and coconut flavors… (my idea was bubble gum flavor, but they didn’t call me back).
For those unsophisticated enough to know, yerba mate is a caffeinated tea from South America that has tech bros, finance bros, gym bros, and my girlfriend’s boyfriend’s crypto bro hooked.
Listen to me very carefully (please): Whether your parents are poor pain pill addicts or trillionaire EV/rocket CEOs (hi dad), anyone can capitalize on the energy drink market.
But it’s better if you’re rich. As is life. That read again.
Read it. That. Again.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Firmly believe that these two Pacers fans have the perfect relationship. Fellas- find a woman who is a little mean to you, go along for the ride and your life will open up in ways you’ve never known. Plus, you might even get to meet Shaq.
yeah this is the dream
Genuinely love this new Tik Tok trend of teens speed-running through the LA Scientology HQ to see how far they can go. We may not have any teens left after the trend is done, but it’ll be fun while it lasts.
Tom Cruise watching hundreds of teens walk into his Scientology trap
Masterful negotiation tactic from this Uganda general, who demanded Turkey give him one billion dollars along with the most beautiful woman in the country to be his wife. It really can’t hurt to ask. This is how we anchor a negotiation.
Ugandan be kidding me!!! Folks, I’m here all week.Please tip your servers
Shame on 60 Minutes for trying to trap Clavicular into answering simple questions about his life and philosophy. You should know better than that. Well done walking off.
I don’t know if I’ve seen an interview where he hasn’t walked off. Chess, not checkers
You will tell your children about where you were the day that My Eyes Are Up Here won the Ostrich race at Remington Park. Just a glorious performance.
I love shit like this
Who's Having the Best Monday?
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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Just an insane story from Chris Pronger about how getting hit with a hockey shot stopped his heart on the ice. Excellent work by the Empty Netters.
I kinda love that there’s an entire sports league where you have to do steroids. Fuck it, let’s just see what the human body is capable of.
Hate when I’m venting about my problems but my friend just watched Heat.
Shoutout to Aadam Jacobs (not a typo), a Chicago resident who recorded of 10,000 hours of live concerts and (with the help of volunteers) uploaded them to an online archive. Enjoy them all here.
The Mansion, the Heiress, the Heist and Me: A Bel-Air Fairtyale. Great longform. (try it here without a paywall.)
The radical necessity of the NBA nice guy. Hell yeah. Go nice guys.
It’s Monday. Let’s get the week off on the right foot. Here’s 15 mins of Family Guy cutaways that don’t exist, in honor of Playdate’s 200th episode.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
