The Daily Friday: Monday 4/6

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.

PS- it’s the most glorious week of the year. Let’s celebrate accordingly.

BASKETBALL: Congrats to UCLA for winning the women’s title (LA really is the city of champions) but Dawn Staley will always have this moment from Friday, when she threatened to “beat Geno’s ass” after he was a total prick post Final Four loss.

BREAKING: we have the first ever father-son public scolding for improper entry pass technique. Lebron and Bronny keep setting records and I’m actually starting to love it.

All-time classic ending to the D3 national championship over the weekend, as Mary Washington takes down Emory at the buzzer. Here’s a take - a D3 national title is more impressive than a D1 national title. Why? Because I said so.

BASEBALL: If the Red Sox keep losing like this, the children of Boston are going to starve. This is becoming a nation-wide emergency and we need people to speak up.

I love this promo the Nats ripped on the 21st anniversary of their stadium opening. Just an excellent first sip of beer.

Nicotine pouches are great and all, but nothing can replace a good old fashioned lip of Copenhagen long cut (wintergreen.) Craig Counsell knows that better than anyone.

I’m calling it now - there will NEVER be a single more impressive defensvie performance in one game than Jo Adell, who robbed THREE home runs in a game that the Angels won 1-0, including one in the 9th. Kind of stuff that happens in Matt Christopher book.

Rest easy, Jose Canseco. There’s a new ball bouncing off an outfielder’s head home run and it’s simply glorious. I was simply not prepared for how far this ball travelled.

TENNIS: I’m not entirely sure this is legal, but I’m absolutely going to pull this move the next time I hit the pickleball courts at my grandma’s nursing home. Good luck stopping that, Ethel.

HOCKEY: Congratulations to the Buffalo Sabres, who have made the playoffs for the first time in 14 years and totally pussied out of the ‘let’s not make the playoffs cuz they’re dumb’ agreement with the New York Jets. Cowards. #gojets.

Massive shoutout to the woman who gave birth during an Oilers game. If you’re not hammering Oilers to win the Stanley Cup, you just don’t get how betting works.

We made it. After a long season of yelling at the TV, there’s just one game left. And there’s one thing we can all agree on: no matter who you’re pulling for, it’s going to be an electric game.

The good folks at Evan Williams Bourbon* (Game Day’s #1 Pour btw) have a nice saying: “Divided by the score. United by the pour.” I love that. 

Let’s put our differences aside and focus on what actually matters: getting together, tossing a few back, and watching guys 10 years younger than us achieve success that we’ll never dream of. 

*Evan Williams Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey. Bardstown, KY. 43-45% alc./Vol. 21+ Enjoy Responsibly

I’m not sure what inspired Chloe Fineman to tell this story, but you might want to keep that one in the chamber moving forward. Accidentally pantsing a child only to reveal their child penis is not really a charming anecdote.

A brief, yet meaningful shoutout to the Mt. Everest sherpas, who have created a $20M scam where they poisoner climbers with baking soda to stage rescues and get insurance payouts. Hustlers gotta hustle.

A chess grandmaster Hikaru spent 67 minutes thinking about one move in a tournament, the second longest turn ever, only to make the wrong move. Exactly how it feels to spend weeks researching your office bracket only to lose to Cheryl from HR.

I always knew that Christina Hendricks (Joan from Mad Men) was the perfect woman, but I didn’t realize how far it went until I saw that she’s now a DJ for free bar shows in San Diego and plays all vinyls.

Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY

Salutations, Tiger Woods chauffeurs. No matter how big you think you are (you’re average), you’ll never be as big as SpaceX.

Elon Musk’s fallback venture (since those battery cars didn’t work) is preparing to IPO at the most massive valuation of all time, even bigger than your mom (burn). SpaceX is eyeing a $75B IPO at a valuation over $2T.

Even better, my richest nephew, Elon, is requiring any bank or adviser who wants to wet their beak on that tasty IPO to purchase and deploy xAI’s Grok bot for their enterprise. For millions of dollars a year.

That’s called cross-promotion, sweetie, look it up.

And while you as a (poor) retail investor will have limited access to invest, I’m already in space personally writing this, which means I own it already. So what do you think? Am I rich? Or not? Because I can’t remember.

Read it. That. Again.