The Daily Friday: Monday 4/7

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

1. Alex Ovechkin breaks Wayne Gretzsky’s career goal record, scoring his 895th goal in his 1,487th game, the exact same number of games Gretzky played. Still not as impressive as his first round of golf ever, but I’ll tip the cap.

2. Stock market continues to fall as Trump threatens additional 50% levy on China unless they remove their retaliatory tariffs. A global trade war before GTA 6. Prayers have been answered.

3. A Minecraft Movie dominates at the box office, breaking a record for best opening weekend box office for a video game adaption. I’m giving full credit to the chicken jockey scene. This is how movies should be experienced.

4. New Mega Millions lottery redesign goes into effect tomorrow, will increase the price of tickets to $5 but feature better odds and bigger prizes. Exactly what I needed. Just gotta hit once and I can finally buy the Jets.

5. UConn women’s basketball team dominates South Carolina to win their 12th national championship and their first since 2016, the longest drought since 1995. Bonkers. Time to hammer a Paige Bueckers WNBA ROY future.

The news may be a little negative late, but just want to remind you guys that we are primed for a spectacular week over here on planet Earth. The weather’s getting nice, it’s the national championship tonight (Houston’s a lock,) Masters starts Thursday, and it’s my buddy Mike’s birthday on Friday. Things are gonna be ok.

NCAAB: Sorry to Dr. Locks and all Auburn fans, but this Alijah Martin dunk was truly remarkable stuff. Incredible photo.

This has gotta be up there for interview of the year. Just iconic stuff.

All-time collapse from Duke down the stretch as Houston pulls off an incredible win. The White Lotus dad always knew.

NBA: If the Knicks want to have any shot of winning a title this year, they need Suni Lee to come to every single game. OG may average a triple double.

MLB: This was one of the sickest catches I’ve seen in some time. Completely insane.

ALL HAIL GIANT BUNNY. Prediction: he will be spotted with Lola Bunny at a Bad Bunny concert within the next 6 weeks with his bad boy entourage of the Trix Rabbit and the Energizer drum guy. He may develop a carrot addiction too, but haven’t we all?

The Rizzler stepped up and delivered at the Mets game, tossing out a perfect one-hop first pitch. He has genuinely un-hittable stuff. Wouldn’t be shocked if his first NIL contract exceeded most country’s GDPs.

These fans get it: there really is nothing better than going to the ball pack, sipping some ice cold brews and finger-banging your wife in the stands. How can you not be romantic about baseball?

JV BASEBALL: Justice for the 16 year old JV baseball player who faces criminal charges after peeing in the opposing team’s water cooler before the game. Pee is delicious and good for you probably. A victimless crime (excluding the victims.)

GOLFER: Never related to a pro athlete harder than when Ryan McCormick had to put tape on his mouth to ‘shut himself up’ during the Club Car Championship (feels like a fake tournament name btw.) I’d do this when I drink, but then I’m not sure how I’d drink even more and say even more things I’ll come to deeply regret in the morning.

SUPERCHARGE YOUR MORNING TODAY

Very pumped to be working with the good folks at Death Wish today, who have been brewing big things since 2012 and just launched their brand new line of Cold Brew Lattes. 

Personally, I can’t get enough of these suckers. Not only are they delicious and get me going in the morning (someone’s gotta write this newsletter at the ass-crack of dawn) but they’re also incredibly convenient. I don’t have to sit around and wait for my coffee to brew or put it in a to-go cup and try to drink it on my commute without spilling on my chinos. You just snag one from the fridge, crack it and you’re good to go. 

Try a Death Wish Latte today (big fan of the Original flavor) at Walmart, Five Below, Amazon or by hammering that link below. 

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Rat of the week goes to the Cambodian landmine sniffing rat Ronin, who set a world record by uncovering 109 landmines. Most impressive rat performance since Remy pioneered the classic ‘use a human as a marionette’ cooking technique in Ratatouille.

God smiled on the people of Mesa, Arizona and gave them the greatest gift he can give any community: two Texas Roadhouses directly next to each other. All of the world’s problems could be solved by adjacent chain restaurants in suburban strip malls.

I know exactly what Sydney Sweeney is doing taking these pictures with Em-Rat. Classic newly single behavior. Would be a really tough blow for anyone who’s in love with her but too scared to say anything to have to see this., but luckily that’s not me.

MONDAY MOVE

Not a dumb move at all. This has immediately entered the arsenal for any and all casual sports conversations.

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Don’t see the big deal about CGI-ing Will into every Hollywood movie from here on out. Doesn’t seem like it’d be too hard.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Dire Wolf is Back.

• This video is a little old, but watching Amazon tribesmen react to images from our world is pretty nuts. Had no idea they had already figured out birth control.

• Hell yeah. Bonobo grunts may be closer to human language than we ever realized.

• Here’s a good way to kill a couple hours today; hop on Wikenigma and go deep down some of the biggest rabbit holes in history.

• It’s Monday. If this dude can jump the Arc de Triomphe in Las Vegas on his motorcycle, you can get through whatever bullshit you have today. You got this.