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It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Passengers from the Hantavirus cruise ship are being removed from the boat, including 17 Americans who will quarantine in Nebraska for 42 days. Shoutout to this gentleman. My heart breaks that he lost his pet rat like that.
NBA lottery won by the Wizards (and the potential top pick AJ Dybantsa is NOT happy about it) as the Pacers lose their pick entirely after falling to #5. Gotta sting, especially when your best player is battling shingles and fatness.
Olivia and Liam remain the most popular baby names in America for the 7th year in a row. Can’t say I’m surprised. Any parent should jump at the opportunity to name their son after our Liam.
NHL Playoffs continue to be electric, as the Canadiens dominate in Montreal to take a 2-1 lead, the Ducks even the series with Vegas, and Carolina sweeps Philly. Tough week to be a Philly sports fan. No one deserves it more.
Cannes Film Festival begins tomorrow and will include midnight screening of The Fast and The Furious. Finally, they’re showing real art at that thing. Really hoping that these guys make an appearance in the French Riviera.
JUST (DON’T) DO IT
Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY.
Salutations, victims of government/corporate collusion theft. As if you needed another reason to return to bare feet (foot f*tish aside), it turns out America’s most legendary cobblers may owe you a refund…
Nike is facing a lawsuit for getting caught double-dipping on the American consumer and her rich uncle (Sam).
You see, while Nike suffered under government-instituted tariffs, it casually passed the costs along to the American consumer by raising prices. Now that said tariffs are considered ‘unconstitutional’ (as if), Nike will, of course, pursue its rightful refund from the government (taxpayers).
But now, a group of commoners is suing Nike for having no plans to refund consumers in turn for the jacked-up prices paid for its products (shareholder value is top priority).
Business rule to remember: Don’t make profits once (by selling things). Make profits twice (by receiving taxpayers’ money from the government too). But never get caught.
Profit that again. Few.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
I’ll be honest - I hate crypto guys as much as the next guy, but I can’t blame this dude who pissed on the bar, fell and smacked himself in the ol’ noggin at a Miami nightclub. Urinals have gotten so high-tech these days, it’s a simple mistake to make.
If you’re having a tough Monday, at least it’s not as bad as this guy’s is
Folks, we have a must-watch video that has graced the timeline. If you have 16 seconds today, just hammer that sucker right now. Sound on.
This was a Looney Tunes style clip. Someone painted a tunnel on that bus stop
28 year old woman was busted for pretending to be 16 and enrolling in an NYC high school. Why do people do this? Sure, it’d be nice to get another shot at HS football but you couldn’t pay me to have to spend all day chilling with high schoolers. They’re scary.
Just here to remind everyone that 17 again is an incredibly slept on film. RIP Matthew Perry
Truly remarkable to see this fan catch a fly ball with a bread bowl, especially when compared to this all-time debacle from another fan a few days ago. Sign the man.
Lost his beer, ball and ball & chain all in one moment. Tough day.
HUSBAND GOALS: a mayor in Georgia fired the entire police force after officers talked shit about his wife on Facebook. If that doesn’t get you laid by your wife, idk what will.
August MayWho is my top 5 small-town mayors. Idc who that upsets.
Who's Having the Worst Monday
Blu Dot surpasses 2,000% ROAS with self-serve CTV ads
Home furniture brand Blu Dot blew up on CTV with help from Roku Ads Manager. Here’s how:
After a test campaign reached 211,000 households and achieved 1,010% ROAS, the brand went all in to promote its annual sales event. It removed age and income constraints to expand reach and shifted budget to custom audiences and retargeting, where intent was strongest.
The results speak for themselves. As Blu Dot increased their investment by 10x, ROAS jumped to 2,308% and more page-view conversions surpassed 50,000.
“For CTV campaigns, Roku has been a top performer,” said Claire Folkestad, Paid Media Strategist, Blu Dot. “Comping to our other platforms, we have seen really strong ROAS… and highly efficient CPMs, lower than any other CTV partner we've worked with.”
Using Roku Ads Manager, the campaign moved from a pilot to a permanent performance engine for the brand.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Can’t believe they broke the #1 rule of child fight clubs at this school in Arkansas. Just can’t do it.
Read this on your lunch break: I Want to Live Like Costco People.
Absolutely blown away by the woman who set an ultramarathon record by running 250 miles in 56 hours, only pausing to take a 5 minute nap 3x. I don’t think i’ve run that far in my entire life. Insane.
How Everest Has Changed Since Into Thin Air (according to the guy who wrote it) is a very good read. (Link to break paywalls here.)
Never thought I’d see a Flat Stanley reference in 2026, but I’m all for it.
The story of the gambling addict who got caught up in the Jontay Porter scandal is pretty nuts. $7k/night on korean baseball is light work though.
It was very brave of Grill Guy to post this, I gotta say. There’s a reason the man has made it all the way to Jimmy Fallon.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
