The Daily Friday: Monday 5/19

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It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

1. Mexican navy ship crashes into Brooklyn Bridge after an equipment malfunction had it going the wrong direction, leaving 2 dead and 22 injured. The video is actually insane. Feels like it’s from the new Final Destination.

2. Scottie Scheffler wins the PGA Championship for his 3rd career major. To see an ex-con return to civilian life, stay clean, and turn his life around is legitimately inspiring. Maybe this could work for the Menendez Brothers too.

3. Universal opens new “Epic Universe” theme park in Orlando, will feature 5 themed worlds including Nintendo, How to Train Your Dragon, and Harry Potter. There better be an entire dedicated section to Viktor Krum or I’m out. GOAT.

4. 10 inmates escaped from a New Orleans prison through a hole behind a cell toilet, and left a note that said “To Easy Lol.” God, what an adrenaline rush that would be. 7 remain on the run (avoid stopping for Bape and you’ll be fine.)

5. Insane finish at the 150th Preakness, as Journalism storms from behind to win the second leg of the Triple Crown. Huge win for us journalists (writing a very horny newsletter counts as journalism. I don’t care what my dad says.)

PS - thoughts and prayers go out to Joe Biden, who has aggressive prostate cancer. Anyone else find out about this from this tweet? The modern world is perfect.

NBA: Thunder beat the piss out of the Nuggets in Game 7 to advance to the Western Conference Finals. Honestly, a little jealous of Jokic right now. Please don’t drink and horse though.

If the Knicks beat the Pacers for their first conference final in 50+ years, I legitimately think New York may burn to the ground. Could be a blessing. PS: give Leon Rose an award for this roster construction the past two years.

It’s incredible how impactful Anthony Edwards leadership has been this year, both on and off the court. He’s even inspired Rudy Goebert as a father.

NHL: The Leafs may have Leaf’ed once again, but at least they’ll always have the Butt Save. It’s the little things.

This was a very cool moment post-game who Mark Scheifele, who scored a goal just days after losing his dad.

WNBA: Caitlin Clark could have killed Angel Reese with this foul. Lifetime ban at the minimum #TeamReese

GOLF: There’s glue guys and then there’s this volunteer who snagged a ball out of the water on the 14th hole yesterday. Hero.

MLB: Yankees fans turn their backs on a man who makes $60M+ a year. Not sure how he’ll recover from this one.

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

It’s hard to find a man more locked in right now than Tom Cruise, who is dropping a new Mission Impossible this weekend, making friends, and love-bombing Ana de Armas like he’s back on an Oprah couch. Short King Summer is gonna go so goddam hard.

Authorities are investigating a kindergartener who brought alcoholic jello shots to school and handed them out. Investigating them for what? Being the absolute man?

Don’t text. The world’s only good YouTuber, Outdoor Boys, just retired because he got too famous. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

MONDAY MOVE

What a move. Just the perfect way to stay on the pulse of your local community.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• This year's annual Weekend Update joke-swap was one for the ages. All-time Nick Kerr ricochet shot.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Rehearsal is Ethically Murky, Morally Complex and Exactly What Nathan Fielder Wants (Season 2 spoilers.)

• His roommate just discovered Sebastian Maniscalco. A fate worse than death itself.

• VERY INTERESTING READ: dozens of religious leaders took magic mushrooms as part of a university study and now are evangelists for the drug.

• Best way to spend your precious time on Earth is by watching every single second of this video.

• It’s Monday. Let’s attack the week and swallow it completely whole like this Komodo Dragon with a full goat. Nature is beautiful.

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