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It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Spurs take down OKC in Game 7 to set up a rematch of the ‘99 Finals against the Knicks (bring back this exact intro.) If you want to go to a game at MSG, prepare to fork over a house payment. Not even McConaughey can get in.
AI token-maxxing hits a bubble, as companies get hit with massive usage bills, including one that spent $500k in a month because it didn’t have Claude limits. Hand up: those were all me asking it to a make a video of my boss saying he’s proud of me and loves me like a son. It never fully worked, but I got close.
Euphoria comes to an end after 3 seasons on HBO, as one of the defining Gen Z shows wraps up after 7 years, 26 episodes, 3 A-List careers made, 2 actors deaths and one bonkers Sydney Sweeney character arc. What a ride.
The Stanley Cup Final is set for Tuesday, as the Vegas Knights (their 3rd appearance in 9 years btw) will face off against the Carolina Hurricanes, who are absolutely filthy. Perfect time to catch up on all things Empty Netters.
SpaceX IPO’s has forced rules changes so it will hit popular index funds that comprise many 401ks faster. This could ruin me (I lost my Fidelity password years ago and have no idea how much I have, but it’s gotta be high 4 digits.)
But first, some massive news: Almost Friday’s very own Will Angus is starring in a new Hulu show that drops tomorrow (made by Mindy Kaling, ever heard of her??) called Not Suitable for Work. I’ve seen the pilot and I’m already hooked (Will is hilarious, no surprise there.) Check it out or forever hold your peace.
ANTI-DATA CENTER CONSPIRACY?
Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY.
Salutations, current water enjoyers (temporary). The richest landlord of the popular uncle-collecting TV show Shark Tank (not actual sharks, sadly) is nobly trying to save AI data centers from Chinese propaganda.
Obviously, our collective future as a nation (data centers) hinges on the success of providing AI with water (no one can tell me why it's so thirsty). But it turns out some people (anti-future) are protesting the creation of data centers… and Uncle Kevin O’Leary is a target.
Mr. Wonderful(ish) is trying to build a 40k-acre data center outside of SLC. But protestors (unemployed, most likely) are holding back technological progress.
However… Uncle Kevin and Uncle Sam are now claiming that anti-AI sentiment is, in fact, a coordinated attack of Chinese propaganda to hinder American exceptionalism (illegal). The People’s Republic may be funding anti-AI movements to hold back Western progress.
Read this again: Robot overthrow is patriotic. Do your part to support data centers (full disclosure: I own all technology).
Protest that propaganda again. China.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Matt Rife almost put Raymondre Stevenson on the IR with this slide in the celebrity softball game. I know a Treyveon Henderson fantasy owner when I see one.
Handsome Squidward could not withstand the wrath of pissed off Pats fans. I’m glad he dodged this bullet
I personally am disgusted by this cop who got arrested for having LOUD, extended sex with a lady judge in the court’s chambers. Sex should be less 30 seconds and completely silent. No exceptions. (PS- you gotta watch that clip. LOUD.)
I didn’t know this happened between cops and judges. I might have to get a job in Judge Judy’s district.
You are going to tell your grandkids where you were when you found out Big John shattered a Guinness World Record by reciting 40 Chinese take-away dishes in 30 seconds (hopefully reading the DF newsletter, thus bonding us together for eternity.)
I’m extremely jealous of this guy. He might have my dream niche on the Internet (being big, British, and loving Chinese food.) You really can have it all.
It was very nice of Jose Siri to rob this grand slam, saving not only 4 runs but an entire buffet for VIP fans, but we gotta talk about that table placement. Why in god’s name would you put the food there? Ball’s gonna land in the penne alle vodka like 2x a week.
I mean what are we doing? You’re just asking for a mess
I can’t believe it’s been 6 years since the greatest headline of all time and David Guetta solved racism. We need another pandemic. Kind of miss those vibes.
So much going on in this story, man. A simpler time
Who's Having the Worst Monday?
Where to Invest $100,000 Right Now, According to Experts
Investors face a dilemma. When the S&P 500 finished its worst quarter since 2022 last month, diversifiers like bonds and bitcoin fell too.
Even with the turnaround in mid-April, analysts at Goldman Sachs and Vanguard have projected low-single-digit annualized returns from 2024-2034.
Bloomberg asked where experts would personally invest $100,000 for their March monthly edition.
One answer that surfaced for a second time? Art.
It's what billionaires like Bezos and the Rockefellers have privately used to diversify for decades.
Why?
Appreciation. The ArtPrice100 Index outpaced the S&P 500 overall from 2000 to 2025
Low-correlation. The postwar contemporary segment has moved independently of traditional investments like stocks since ‘95.*
Resilience. A scarce, physical, and global asset class with decades of demonstrated demand.
Thanks to the world's premier art investing platform, now anyone can invest in works featuring legends like Banksy, Basquiat, and Picasso, without needing millions.
Shares in new offerings can sell quickly but...
*According to Masterworks data. Investing involves risk. Past performance is not indicative of future returns. See important Reg A disclosures at masterworks.com/cd.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
This man is hands down the Landlord of the Year. And it’s not even close.
Read this on your lunch break: What Happens When an Ivy League President Runs A Student Over?
Here’s some Almost Friday podcast clips to turn your mouth to ash.
The NYT profile on Tilly Norwood, the AI actress, is pretty insane. Don’t worry guys, she definitely doesn’t want to kill us. And I believe her.
‘Role-playing for the first time’ really got me good. Well done, Mack Hubbell.
Thank you to Orion magazine for finally having the courage to answer the question on all of our minds: Why Are Fish So Gay?
Nothing brings friends together quite like long-distance pong.
If you’re got a WSJ subscription, this Bill Gates piece is great. Bad guy alert.
It’s Monday. Fuck it. Top 10 Mr. Bean Moments. Guy is the most universally funny person alive.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
