It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Wyndham Clark wins his second US Open, holding off Burns, Scheffler and a crowd that fucking hated him. It got so bad I was actually rooting for him, especially after this. Go celebrate by trashing another locker room 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Hollywood is having its best box office year since the pandemic, buoyed by massive sequels, a wave of YouTube-Hollywood horror hits & the MJ biopic. Get ready to speak Minionese like this lady because it’s only going to get bigger. Movies are so back. LFG.
Egypt wins first ever World Cup game & Mo Salah celebrates accordingly. Doesn’t touch this Country Roads celebration, but comes close. We might just win this thing, as long as we pull this off (winner gets the Strait of Hormuz.)
UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer announces resignation after heavy party mutinies and the country will now elect a 6th PM in 7 years. That job has more turnover than the Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Good grief.
Serena Williams will compete in Wimbledon singles at age 44 after a four year retirement that saw her give birth & become a spokeswoman for GLP-1s, (how is this not a performance-enhancing drug btw?) If you’re not betting on her to win at least one match, you simply don’t get how gambling works.
GET YER QUESTIONS IN: we are doing another mailbag, so submit your questions here (or just reply to this email) to get featured. If you’re new here, check out some of our past mailbags to get a vibe. Thank you for your service.
WORLD CUP SAVES THE WORLD
Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY.
Money is sickkkkkk
Salutations, fair-weather football fans. The greatest sport known to man (hunting men for sport) is now illegal to televise, and instead, the other sport where you kick balls (not that kind) is massively impacting the world economy.
The 2026 FIFA World Cup is forecast to boost global GDP by $45B (pocket change). The United States will benefit from $19B of that measly sum (due to manifest destiny).
Of course, I predicted this in my gray paper 3 months ago (I can’t see color), when I invented the sport of soccer and conceptualized this tournament.
The same thing happened several years ago when Taylor Swift (grown in one of my labs, you’re welcome) held her world tour that boosted consumer spending by $5B.
Now the World Cup (I was thirsty when I named it) is on track to become the most significant economic sporting event in US history.
Sports that again, ball kickers.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Arby’s is running a 2-for-1 deal where you can get a roast beef sandwich and herpes from an employee spitting on you all in the same purchase. Can’t beat that value.
Your move McDonald’s. I’ll take herpes from Grimace any day of the week.
I’m consistently blown away from World Cup fan behavior (complimentary) but this mass rowing from Norway fans in Time Square really takes the cake. Might convert to Norwayism just to be part of it. Hell of a way to start your morning commute.
The world really is a beautiful place
Impressed by this influencer who built a slot machine to give treats to her cat. It never occurred to me to give my pets a gambling addiction, but I’ll get started on that ASAP.
Give it a month until that cat is deep in the hole and willing to empty their kitten’s college fund for a shot to spin for Churus. I’ve seen it 100 times.
Congrats boys. It’s officially Summer, which means it’s officially Summer Penis season, the time of year when your hog is inflated in size due to heat and warmth. My summer penis has never come in but perhaps my body is on Southern Hemisphere time?
Summer Penis, had me a blastttt. Summer Penis happened so fasttttt
An Ohio police department had to fire it’s robot cop after it went 10 months without arresting a single person. Maybe these robots aren’t so bad after all.
Robot cops should only be able to arrest other robots, like the CoCo delivery bots or Waymos. Just my stance and I’m sticking to it.
Who's Having the Best Monday?
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Finally: a weather report on what the temperature’s like inside. The hard-hitting journalism we all need.
Read this on your lunch break: Is Space-X really worth trillions?
Just another reminder to send us mailbag questions and enjoy our previous iterations. Thank you.
I thoroughly enjoyed this oral history on the making of Labryinth. David Bowie might just be the GOAT. Fantastic stuff.
This shifting chart of how Americans spent their time from 1920 - 2026 is super interesting. Glad we have more time to watch porn now.
We are less than a month away from Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey. I’m fired the hell up but hoping it doesn’t fall into the trap previous adaptations have. (Break the paywall with this link.)
Shoutout to the Ukrainian warrior witches that are turning the war in Russia. We gotta start investing in witchcraft ASAP. (Break the paywall with this link.)
It’s Monday. Let’s ride out the afternoon with Roca’s deep dive on Appalachia’s disappearing hillbillies. These guys don’t miss.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
