It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Knicks win their first NBA finals in 53 years and New York goes absolutely fucking nuts (thank god Elmo was held accountable.) Not confident Mikal will make it to the parade Thursday (especially seeing this) but they’ve overcome way bigger odds. I want every single shirt on this site.
Tentative deal between Iran and US reached, which would extend the ceasefire and open the Strait of Hormuz if it is signed on Friday. Hell yeah. No war is super chill, plus this guy will be thrilled he never had to learn anything.
Carolina Hurricanes win the Stanley Cup, taking down the Knights for their 2nd title and first in 20 years. Electric scenes from our boys on the ground in Vegas. 16-3 run in the playoffs is nuts. Easily the most dominant Cup run ever.
Disclosure Day dominates box with $93M opening, the same weekend the White House releases a 3rd dump of UFO files to the public. This better be real and not part of another viral marketing campaign. That might break me.
World Cup continues after an electric weekend that saw the US beat the brakes off of Paraguay, Japan secure a massive draw (thanks for cleaning up after), Scotland giving the Tartan Army something to drink about (positive.)
What an incredible sports weekend. We didn’t even have space to mention the White House UFC fight (and this entire Eric Trump debacle) and the biggest sports news of the year: the Jets starting minicamp tomorrow. I have a sneaking suspicion that not only will this be the best week ever, it could even be the best SUMMER ever. Just a thought.
PS - Father’s Day is Sunday. Don’t forget to snag your dad something.
TIP YOUR LANDLORDS
Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY.
this is the only way his body actually makes sense
Salutations, bottom 99.99%. The rich(est) are getting rich(er) than you (not me) in the latest American dollar shuffle known as the Initial Public Offering of SpaceX (my idea).
Our nation’s greatest immigrant (Columbus finally dethroned) Elon Musk just accepted the award for Most Rich Guy, All Time after achieving the thickest public net girth of $1 trillion dollars.
In case you’ve never made that much money (I did before I was 6 months old via reverse aging Ponzi scheme in the hospital nursery), allow me to write it out for you: $1,000,000,000,000.00.
I think (can’t count zeros, I only count profits).
Allow me to enlighten your wallet immediately: 1) Invent rockets. 2) Figure out how satellites go. 3) Swap faces with Elon Musk. 4) Emerge.
Few will rocket ship. Many will wish on stars. Read that. Few.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Normally James Harden completely collapses during the playoffs, but I gotta admit he had an incredible sense of the moment to time his weapons arrest for Saturday during the Knicks game. Maybe he might turn it around after all.
i love this man
Impressed by this new Japanese live-action simulation game where you die in a traffic accident, get re-incarnated as a hamster and spend out your days being ‘spoiled rotten’ by 3 female models in a pet shop. I’m gonna be honest, that sounds awesome.
I don’t even need the nice ladies. I think just being a hamster would be pretty sick. Hamsters don’t have credit scores. That’s all I need to know
HEARTWARMING STORY ALERT: two ‘enemy’ lesbian nuns quit their convent and married each other. The impact of Heated Rivalry needs to be studied. Congrats ladies.
Enemy Lesbian Nuns is an amazing band name. I call dibs on that btw.
The gentleman who was arrested for stripping nude and attacking a man and his dog in Mass. may have had the line of the year, when he told the cop: “aren’t we all naked at some point.” He has a point. He shouldn’t be waving it in public, but he has one.
We are all naked under our clothes, so what’s the difference really?
Who's Having the Best Monday?
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Tom Brady’s ‘Good Nut’ product is the latest in a string of celebrity cash-grabs. Personally I’m a fan of Gwenyth Paltrow’s vagina-smelling candle.
I feel like I’m inside Michael and Jan’s house party in this video from Billy and Eilise. Excellent work.
Shoutout to this 7 year old kid who climbed a massive mountain and pissed everyone off. Easily in my top 7 seven-year-olds at the moment.
It simply does not get better than long distance beer die with the boys.
Every blockbuster movie needs a blockbuster script by David Koepp. Fascinating read about one of the most prolific writers today.
This article scared the shit out of me. If hackers get into my stuff, I’m completely screwed. (break paywall here)
How Friday Was Today's Post?
