The Daily Friday: Monday 6/30

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

You can’t put a price on love. But you can absolutely put a price on a wedding.

For America’s latest it couple, that price came in at around $50M, roughly .0002% of Bezo’s net worth of $237B. Actually pretty frugal. Compared to my net worth, that’d be like me spending $-93. Not a math guy, but that’d mean I’m making money. 4-D Chess.

Seems nice and all but I really gotta ask: was this wedding fun for anyone involved? I refuse to believe any of these celebrities are actually friends with the couple.

Imagine being one of Bezos’ college buddies and trying to navigate this affair as a normal person? What do you even do at this wedding?

Try to hit on Sydney Sweeney? Tom Brady has that covered (as a Jets fan, if they started dating, this would actually kill me.) Talk to Gayle about going to space? She’s probably off scissoring with Oprah. Harass Leo by quoting the entirety of Wolf of Wall Street to him to prove that you’re a real cinephile? Wouldn’t be able to find him, because he’s so exceptionally well-hidden with this hat (love the idea of hiding from the paparazzi as like 9th most famous person there.) Pray Usher doesn’t make eye contact with your date and start feeding her cherries? Good luck with that one.

The one dude I’d want to hang with (Chalamet) seems to have been left behind by Kylie, probably so he can grind MAC tape. I respect it, but goddam.

Most likely, I’d have to stick to the old reliable: have 19 Old Fashioneds, banter with a waiter as they bring out hors d’ouvres, bum a few cigs off him, buy Molly from him after the speeches, fall down while dancing with the groom’s grandma, get asked to leave, pretend I forgot, go back in and then hog the aux at the after-party. Works like a charm.

Summer comes only once a year. Don’t waste it by spending hours cooking inside. Hop on the Factor train: chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals ready to go in just 2 minutes. 

With 45 weekly menu options, there’s bound to be gourmet meals that tickle your fancy. 

Personally, as part of my yearly journey to be Jacked by July, I’m all aboard the Calorie Smart menu options. Delicious breakfasts, on-the-go lunches, premium dinners and more. It’s got all my meals covered and gives me one less thing to worry about every day. 

Plus, if you start today, you can get 50%. All the flavor, none of the fuss.

Trying to wrap my head around this: a deadly fungus thought to be a ‘pharoah’s curse’ has been turned into a compound that kills cancerous leukemia cells. Still not ready to call this a good thing: living longer is actually the greatest curse you could ever have.

BREAKING: pickleball has infiltrated the Amish community. No white person is safe any more. Hug your families - the pickleball takeover is here.

Nothing to see here, just a good old-fashioned General Lee car from Dukes of Hazzard jumping over a fountain in a small town before crashing into barricades. Electric.

Choosing to believe that this Keanu picture is real and not AI. Just let me live. I am on the brink of a mental breakdown and this is the only thing keeping me going. Please.

Bobby and Rusty dive DEEP into 4th of July moves for your upcoming celebrations. We’re talking standing dangerously close to fireworks, tossing tea into the harbor, becoming a sunscreen guy and a Paul Revere burger-run stunt. Banger.