It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
World Cup semifinals are set, as England takes down Norway (can’t let this happen boys) and Argentina escapes against Switzerland in stoppage time. I have no clue what I’m going to do to fill the time during the work day when this tournament ends. And do NOT say ‘my job.’ Let’s be realistic.
Phoebe Gates’ startup app Phia faces fraud charges, as the daughter of Bill Gates finally joins an exclusive list of founders. Having an inheritance of $1B but still frauding is pretty impressive. Doing it for the love of the game 👏🏻
Conor McGregor loses UFC return match in just 69 (nice) seconds after injuring his knee against Max Holloway, making over 85% of bettors (including myself) losers Saturday. They need to investigate this. It makes no sense that something I bet on would lose. I really don’t understand how that’s possible.
Disney’s Moana live-action remake bombs at the box, is on track to lose up to $150M for the studio. Doing that bad despite kid’s scientifically being addicted to your movie is a tough look. Let’s end live-action remakes please.
Sinner beats Zverev to defend his Wimbledon, take home his 5th Grand Slam and remain #1 in the world. Pretty good day if you ask me. Not nearly as good as the day Woody Harrelson had there in 2019, but still pretty good.
Tonight is the HR derby aka the perfect excuse to relax after a long day of work by having a casual 2-12 light beers, calling our drunk dial hotline and settling in for a nice evening of watching dudes crush balls. Dream Monday night.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
I promise you, you are going to want to watch this video of a Yellowstone tourist getting absolutely launched into the air Looney Tunes style by a bison. And thank god he’s ok and laughing it off so we can all enjoy this clip. Great googly-moogly. I can’t believe it.
This is not AI or edited in any way. Actually looks fun.
Probably not an amazing sign that 9,000 venomous cobras from a breeding farm escaped into a Chinese village after massive flooding. Time to batten down the hatches.
We are now in the ‘9k snakes have taken over a Chinese village’ stage of the simulation. This should be a fun one
Incredibly jealous of the wife who saved her husband after he was almost sucked clean out of Ryanair plane after a window shattered mid-flight. Actually interesting flying anecdote to tell ✅ free flights for life ✅ get to win every marriage argument ✅
“My wife saved me after I almost got sucked out of an airplane. She said, ‘who else is gonna carry the luggage??’ The lengths she’ll go to make sure I never get sucked, I tell ya. I get no respect.”
I don’t care what people say. It make perfect sense to me that Dr. Phil would be the first person given exclusive White House access to investigate government UFO files. Anyone who’s seen one second of his show knows that he’s the perfect man for the job.
I’d stay home ‘sick’ from school just to watch this man. I grinded Dr. Phil tape like Tom Brady avoiding going home to Giselle. I know this man like the back of my hand and trust me, he will get to the bottom of this. Just wait.
Not totally sure if this qualifies as “news” since the Earth is like at least 100 years old, but I just learned on Twitter that we’ve actually all been living on a duck this entire time. It explains a lot. Not sure what exactly, but it’s definitely something to consider.
Perspective is so important.
Who's Having The Best Monday?
META MUSE IMAGES
Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY.
Salutations, AI-generated beings. My most mediocre nephew Mark Zuckerberg has sadly cowtowed to those who fear progress once again…
Last week, Meta unleashed Muse Image, its newest image generator (I invented AI image generation at a young age by imagining things in my mind, which few can do).
The update included a perfectly innocent, useful feature that allowed users to generate images referencing content from public Instagram accounts (obviously impossible to misuse).
Sadly, by Friday, the corporate apologists completely cut this core feature of Muse to preserve the public’s feelings of “privacy.”
Listen to this carelessly (in sign language, preferably): Privacy is a pyramid scheme (I’m on level 2).
You can profit by opting in to as many anti-privacy agreements as possible.
Many can pay (me) for privacy. Few can get “publicy” for free by watching more ads. Be few
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
I could spend hours going through Florida Man headlines like these. Just a glorious species of man.
Read this on your lunch break: How ‘Backyard Baseball’ became a cult classic.
Man, this made me crave a late night sandwich made with love and care something fierce. Banger.
All of China is hooked on short form vertical dramas and I’m honestly jealous.
The trailer for Tom Cruise’s new movie Digger came out and it looks insane. That’s how I like him (he kinda looks like Odenkirk in Better Call Saul.)
The more I read about octupuses (octopii?) I realize they’re closer to humans than you’d think. Especially when it comes to taking ecstasy. Break the paywall here for a good, long read.
It’s as good a time as any to bring back one of the most slept on pieces of content ever created at Friday Beers HQ. Bring back the wiffle ball league.
What have scientists learned by eavesdropping on thousands of people? Turns out, actually quite a lot! Break the paywall here.
It’s Monday. Let’s approach this week like Steve Irwin. Absolute legend.
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