It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Belgium challenges FIFA’s reversal of USA star Balogun’s red card ahead of tonight’s match. I feel like Michael Scott with this back & forth. Meanwhile, Harry Kane gives the greatest post match interview ever, his teammate has the worst stat line of all time (FLOP btw) and this was just remarkable. Chills.
Historic heat waves hits the East Coast of the US, shattering 148 daily high-temperature records (excellent chart here.) Imagine thinking that’d stop Joey Chestnut from winning his 18th hot dog eating contest title. One of one.
Minions & Monsters makes $36M in opening weekend, the top spot in the domestic box office. However, the real win was worldwide, where the 7th move in the franchise took home $160M. Minionese truly is the universal language.
Hearing for man accused of killing Charlie Kirk begins, as prosecutors will try to prove they have enough evidence against Tyler Robinson to go to trial. Prediction: we’ll see Candace Owens reach new levels of nuts this week.
NBA trades will be finalized today, as the move that got Jaylen Brown sent to the Sixers in the middle of a Bill Simmons colonoscopy will be officially inked at 12 EST. PS - if LeBron goes to Philly, we riot.
TAYLOR SWIFT’S WEDDING
I really can’t believe this shit actually happened. Taylor Swift and Kylie Kelce’s brother-in-law tied the knot at Madison Square Garden on Friday (are they poor?) in an event for celebrities that weren’t too hungover from the Friday Beers office watch party for Team USA vs. Bosnia to make the trip back east.
There’s a lot of shit that went down, but here’s the highlights.
Gorgeous ceremony but it has nothing on Shrek and Fiona’s nuptials.
Over 1,200 were there including all the major celebrities like NFL referee media personality Dean Blandino (savvy move to get more calls next year,) Mike Vrabel and his wife (I think Diana was out of town) and every Chief but Harrison Butker. How pissed is Josh Johnson right now? He played on 14 teams and couldn’t at least once have played with Travis? Tough.
Both of their vows were 20 mins each. If my friends made me sit through 40 minutes of vows at their wedding with no booze or iPad time, I’d lose it. I don’t blame Travis for crying. That’s a long time to go without YouTube shorts.
The only thing I approve of in this wedding is Spanglish star Adam Sandler officiating the ceremony. I hope he did it in his Billy Madison voice. Honorary mention goes to Lena Dunham for dressing like the Grinch’s publicist and ripping an all-time joke at her wedding speech. Best to ever do it.
This was TMZ’s Super Bowl weekend and they spent it BLASTING out updates like “Donna Kelce spotted heading home after son’s wedding weekend” (likely thing for her to do) and “Taylor Swift’s favorite teacher died the day she married Travis Kelce.” Huge bummer but not sure what you want us to do about it?
Can we stop caring about these two now? I’m pretty over it after this.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Just a remarkable clip here of a group roofers getting into a fight while on the job, falling off, and then continuing to fight. I’m assuming they’re fighting over proper roofing technique and gutter cleaning approaches. Some things are worth dying for.
Nothing like a little rooftop scrap to start the day off
I feel bad that Bryan Johnson, who spends $2M optimizing his health to live forever by tracking his erections, now has an incurable disease where his “stomach eats itself,” but that’s about as perfect Greek tragedy as it gets. Had to see that coming.
This is the greatest endorsement for drinking and putting whatever you want into your body. You can obsess over optimizing every aspect of your life and still get a rare immune disease. Life should be enjoyed, not optimized
Heart goes out to this male hyena, who is captured on camera by tourists having sex with a female hyena for about 5 seconds and then fainting and falling over. Totally normal response to having sex with your hyena wife. No need for the chuckles, tourists.
This is an increidble video. I wouldn’t necessarily watch it at your desk at work, but it’s absolutely worth a watch
A shoutout is due to this ‘rooftopping duo’ who scaled the Empire State Building and got engaged at the top. They are such a hot couple that I will forgive what was an obvious marketing stunt for their documentary. Pretty privilege at work.
The type of couple that seduces you at the hotel bar when you’re on a work trip and steals your wallet and jewelry from the room while you’re asleep but you’re kinda fine with it because it was worth it
The Pringle hot dog buns that come in a can are pretty cool. Good job, Pringles.
“Do not stick your penis in this, do not stick your penis in this, do not stick your penis in this” - I mutter to myself as I try to finish off this newsletter before 10 am PST so my boss doesn’t yell at me
Who's Having the Best Monday?
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Can you guess what the Top 10 Movies by Box Office sales were so far this year? No real masterpieces on this list but a good year for the box.
The first 4th of July party looked sick as hell. Invite me next time you over-throw a world super power please.
I think it goes without saying that America’s greatest hot dog belongs to Costco. $1.50 for 40 years straight is the best and only deal left.
Turns out that banning kids from social media is actually way harder than you’d think. Good read one year into the Australia ban.
Dads seeing a Movie is another masterpiece by the Unpaid Interns. Simply don’t miss.
As a massive fan of David Wain and his entire crew since The State, Wet Hot American Summer, Horrible People (most underrated series ever), this feature on him was great. Need to see the OG WHAS in theaters next month.
It’s Monday. Let’s kick the week off with Erling Haaland ripping some goals at age 13. And at age 23. And him crushing some pho and pork buns. King.
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