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It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Scientists discover a planet rotating Alpha Centauri A that could be hospitable for life, the exact location of the planet in the Avatar movies. If the planet also has smoking hot aliens like in the movie, I’m on the next rocket.
Sweetgreen’s stock plummets over the weekend, losing nearly a quarter of its value after their Friday earnings call. I can’t believe charging $22 for a salad is an unsustainable business model. Make it make sense.
Four astronauts returned to Earth with SpaceX after spending the last 5 months on the International Space Station. It’s incredible what you can achieve without Katy Perry singing Firework in your ear the whole damn time.
AOL shuts down its dial-up Internet after 34 years of excellence. Future generations will never know the joy of yelling at your sibling to get off the phone so you can get asked ASL in chat rooms. Sad.
The AP first College Football Top 25 ranking of the season drops today. We are so close to football, I can taste it. Just a few more sleeps left.
BASEBALL: Johnny Damon stuns at Yankees Old-Timer day. Specimen.
If he entered a Johnny Damon look-alike contest, he might lose.
This right here is not only the catch of the year, but maybe the catch of the century.
Absolute piss missile out of Blake Perkins over the weekend. A hose like you read about.
FOOTBALL: The Jags kicker banged home a 70 yard field goal last night, breaking massage parlor enthusiast Justin Tucker’s record for longest in-game kick ever.
I don’t care how good Jackson Dart is, if you’re doing stuff like this, you just can’t be QB1. Especially when Jameis Winston is on the roster.
This ref might have a future as an NFL corner the way he laid CeeDee Lamb out this weekend. Sign the man.
GOLF: Thank you to Connor Syme for this putt over the weekend. I’ve never related to a pro golfer more in my life. You make me feel seen ❤
It’s getting to the point where if I see Tommy Fleetwood on my screen, my heart immediately drops. The dude is just addicted to blowing it.
NASCAR: 19 year old Connor Zilisch won his first race and proceeded to break his collarbone getting out of the car to celebrate. Relatable af.
BASKETBALL: Pat Beverly learning about how Karl Malone impregnated 13 year old is a remarkable piece of content.
Anyone getting married in the next year needs to add Chet Holmgren to their invite list. This is an all-time wedding fit and I need to see it come back.
The attire was smart casual Chet. You’re making all of us look bad
From Italy to a Nasdaq Reservation
How do you follow record-setting success? Get stronger. Take Pacaso. Their real estate co-ownership tech set records in Paris and London in 2024. No surprise. Coldwell Banker says 40% of wealthy Americans plan to buy abroad within a year. So adding 10+ new international destinations, including three in Italy, is big. They even reserved the Nasdaq ticker PCSO.
Paid advertisement for Pacaso’s Regulation A offering. Read the offering circular at invest.pacaso.com. Reserving a ticker symbol is not a guarantee that the company will go public. Listing on the NASDAQ is subject to approvals.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
No one is doing it like the All-American Rejects, who’ve upgraded from college house parties to Sheetz stores during their summer tour. Hearing ‘Gives You Hell’ hit while sucking down a full chicken tender sub would fix me, I think.
Vibes are strong here
Four friends are spending their summer rowing across the Atlantic, aiming to set break the 43-day world record for fastest journey from NYC to Southhampton. They could row it in 4 days and it still wouldn’t be as impressive as the Banana Boat crew.
This will always be my favorite picture
Finally. Technology has advanced to the point that we have a new robot dog so strong that you can ride it like a four-legged skateboard. Exactly what I need right now.
You damn teenagers and your four-legged robot dog skateboards
Ex-MLB player David Justice says he divorced Halle Berry in 1997 in part because she didn’t cook or clean. That’s awful. The man is a 3x All Star and a career .279 hitter. He deserves way better.
I don’t care that she was the world’s biggest movie star. Justice was a 5 tool player and a vital part of Yankees World Series runs. She is lucky to have him
Who's Having the Worst Monday?
MONDAY MOVE
It’s another Monday. The only way to make it through? Crushing this week’s Could Be the Move podcast while moving the mouse around a bit at your desk.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Every clip from the extended cut of the Connor O’Malley - Tim Robinson exchange in Friendship is the best thing I’ve ever seen.
Read this on your lunch break: The Cult of Kill Tony.
This might be the greatest piece of cinema I’ve seen in my life. Great acting can be found in the strangest places.
Love that GQ is now covering jelqing. Hard hitting journalism is back.
Sign of the times that I saw this video and my first thought was “is this AI?” (it’s not.) Blew my mind.
It’s Monday. Fuck it. 2010 Chris Bosh mix-tape. Just because.
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