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It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Weapons has held onto its top spot in the box office, beating out Nobody 2 and Freakier Friday (though Jamie Lee Curtis certainly laid it all out there.) Finally, some visibility for how scary it is when kids Naruto run.
Sean Kingston and his mom are sentenced to 3.5 years in prison for a $1M fraud scheme. Thanks a lot. Always wanted to start a scam with my mom and now she’s getting cold feet.
Air Canada flight attendant strike that halts all flights is ruled illegal by a government organization led by a man who was recently the Air Canada general counsel. Must be a coincidence.
Volkswagen releases a car that requires paid subscription to reach maximum horsepower, forces users to pay $20 to hit top speeds. The Browns need to get this for Myles Garrett and make sure no one shares the login.
A nuclear power plant in France was shut down after swarms of jellyfish invaded the water intake systems. Surely that’s not a sign of horrific things to come.
BASEBALL: It just wasn’t Victor Robles day yesterday, who got ejected from a rehab assignment after he accidentally threw his bat at the pitcher and then did this.
It slipped ok? Total accident
Near catastrophe for the Mariners at the Little League Classic, as Julio Rodriguez nearly tears his ACL in pre-game hill slides and Arozarena gets drilled in the dome on the first pitch. Should’ve had a benches clearing brawl in front of the kids. Teach ‘em young.
Rockies beat the D-Backs with the first ever catch-and-tackle (pretty sure this was targeting or at least DPI.) Win’s a win.
Jung Hoo Lee has submitted his audition to be a Savannah Banana. Knee catch rocks.
NFL: Arthur Smith better stay away from my AI girlfriend. I mean it.
Rookie review: Abdul Carter is a bust. Ashton Jeanty is not. That’s all for now.
Rule #1 of any preseason brawl: you cannot let your pants fall down and then eat shit. You just can’t.
BASKETBALL: Giannis slapped the bejeezus out of his teammate during an international tournament. Please do this to Kyle Kuzma next season.
The latest version of NBA2k is as realistic as it’s ever been.
This is why Lebron is not my GOAT. MJ would never let Caitlin Clark dunk on him in a fictional video game that he has no control over.
GOLF: Scottie Scheffler just keeps doing Scottie Scheffler things. All I can think about is how sad he’ll be after winning 😕
Ben Griffin claims that he overdosed on creatine to start his round. Genuinely didn’t even know that was possible.
COMBAT: Look, the Chimaev win to take the UFC title was impressive and all, but he doesn’t stand a chance against some of the giants that WWE is trotting out there. 39 inches of man is more than enough for me.
Former Zillow exec targets $1.3T market
The wealthiest companies tend to target the biggest markets. For example, NVIDIA skyrocketed nearly 200% higher in the last year with the $214B AI market’s tailwind.
That’s why investors are so excited about Pacaso.
Created by a former Zillow exec, Pacaso brings co-ownership to a $1.3 trillion real estate market. And by handing keys to 2,000+ happy homeowners, they’ve made $110M+ in gross profit to date. They even reserved the Nasdaq ticker PCSO.
No wonder the same VCs behind Uber, Venmo, and eBay also invested in Pacaso. And for just $2.90/share, you can join them as an early-stage Pacaso investor today.
Paid advertisement for Pacaso’s Regulation A offering. Read the offering circular at invest.pacaso.com. Reserving a ticker symbol is not a guarantee that the company will go public. Listing on the NASDAQ is subject to approvals.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
The German Shopping Cart Return championships are absolutely electric, but we need a more realistic version of this (on an unevenly paved parking lot in a Ralph’s with multiple cars coming and a homeless gentleman yelling at a stop sign.)
Don’t text, I’m watching the german shopping cart return championships
Will Smith says he turned down Django Unchained because “I couldn’t connect to violence.” Dude, you slapped the shit out of Chris Rock at the Oscars. Sit this one out.
“I’m not comfortable with make-believe violence against a slave master but I am very down to publicly whallop the star of Grown Ups 2 to next Tuesday” - Will Smith, probably
A Kentucky woman allegedly totaled her ex’s car by pouring glitter into his AC unit and salt into his engine. At least you know she still cares, man. These two have a shot.
I can fix her but I wouldn’t want to. She’s perfect exactly the way she is.
INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY: I am looking for someone to give me $8k that I will never pay back to finance the purchase this remarkable piece of machinery. Inquire within.
Serious inquiries only. I don’t have time for people who are scared to make money.
No offense to the guy suing the Liver King for forcing him to sign a contract in blood, but what did you expect, you fucking moron? Seems like that’d be par for the course.
I’d actually be more shocked if he didn’t ask me to sign a contract in blood
Who's Having the Worst Monday?
MONDAY MOVE
I could use this a ‘Little Saturday’ real bad this week. Only thing getting me through today is another fresh, new CBTM pod drop breaking down airport moves.
Business news as it should be.
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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Can’t believe it’s been 10 years since Liam and Willie met. Where does the time go?
Read this on your lunch break: A history of hype and hysteria around tech in the classroom (is ChatGPT just this generation’s calculators?)
Couldn’t agree with this guy any more: let us bet on Little League baseball.
I’m as cheap as they come, but this new move in SF restaurants of bringing your own food has gotta stop. Not everything in life has to be optimized.
Don’t mind me, I’m just spending the rest of the afternoon locked in to 8-time Yo-Yo champion Hajime Miura’s dominating performance.
It’s Monday. Let’s dominate the week like Julio Jones and the Spurs in their prime. Who’s got it better than us?
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