It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Dodgers trade for ace Tarik Skubal in blockbuster deal with Tigers, picking up the back-to-back Cy Young winner for a used condom and chewed gum. I blame the entire league for letting this happen. The ‘27 lockout is a lock.
Ariana Grande will ‘step away from public life’ in September due to ‘intense scrutiny about her health,’ drops out of upcoming London musical. Massive opportunity for this remarkable anthem singer to take her place. Genuinely one of the best videos I’ve ever seen.
A record-breaking ‘Super El Nino’ storm is developing, with scientists giving an 81% probability it will hit in November and have massive global impact on fish populations, cyclone activity, and temperatures. As long as we make it as a society until ‘I Play Rocky’ comes out, I’m good. Looks sick, tbh.
Box office has its biggest weekend ever, as Tom Holland and Zendaya in Spiderman join forces with Tom Holland and Zendaya in The Odyssey to take home $430M. Imagine if Travis Scott had a concert film out this weekend too.
Iran denies Trump’s claim that negotiations will begin today, as Trump says over the weekend that he called off ‘the biggest attack since World War II.’ Kinda bonkers that this is the 32nd time this exact situation has happened and even that feels low. Starting to feel like Michael Scott getting snipped.
Guys - quick reminder that we have football on Thursday. There’s almost a light at the end of the tunnel. I might cry.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
There’s a new badass in town and it’s the fat guy from Superbad who trains jiu jitsu and is ready to ‘annihilate’ anyone who calls him the ‘fat guy from Superbad.’ Finally - something that pisses him off more than his surfer girlfriend wearing a bikini.
The last thing you see before you get absolutely annihilated in jiu-jistu ground combat
It brings me no joy to have to block Mario Lopez on Twitter, but this AI video he made of his niece glizzy-maxxing was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Wtf man.
AI is the future
After seeing this dude smoke toad venom, lose control of his body, vomit white bile and thrash in the water, I’m still unimpressed. This was exactly how it felt to smoke gas station salvia in 10th grade and I was totally fine and barely cried and pissed myself in the middle of my buddy Joe’s Halloween party. Toad venom seems like a breeze.
Me coming to in my Darrelle Revis Jets jersey in the basement of Joe’s halloween party after dying 100x in 10 seconds and no one really even noticed or cared
Thanks Sam Altman for sharing this totally normal and cool way to use AI with your family. Things like ‘talking to your children’ and ‘engaging with them on a human level’ are boring, meaningless tasks that need to be automated away. I’ve often said this.
Me when my parents turn off the podcast about my upcoming 9th birthday party and Little League baseball game because I love that shit so fucking much
To the good people of Dunnellon, NJ - be on your guard as you speed through school zones while scrolling Reels at full volume, cackling like a banshee, and never once looking at the road. There may be a cop disguised as a shrub trying to trap you.
This guy gave out 74 tickets in 6 hours with this set-up. Genuinely impressive performacne
We gotta give it up for Rippin’ Rosie, who took home first place in the 10th annual Dog Surfing World Championships. Would’ve loved to see her compete against Sugar, the 5x champ and Surfing HoF inductee. Totally different playing styles and competition levels but that’s just the beauty of the game.
If surfing dog doesn’t win the poll below, i’m gonna be pissed
Who's Having the Best Monday?
SPIDER-MAN RIPS
Editor’s Note: This segment is from our good friend at Read That Again, the Entrapranure newsletter, covering the biggest finance news of the week. ENJOY.
Salutations, film-watching time wasters. My latest business endeavor (making extra long videos with actors (clothed)) is earning me massive passive income.
The latest creation from my film studio (I bought all of Hollywood), Spider-Man: Brand New Day just raked in the largest opening weekend ticket sales of any of my other films this year (PG-13 and up).
My accountant’s assistant (coincidentally, my butler) estimates sales of $355M in North America (North of what?) this weekend. And an additional $572M internationally (no extradition or taxes).
My richest nephews are the only ones that understand the secret to film riches…
Step 1: Buy everyone (actors included), then Step 25: Make movies (people will buy tickets from pressure). Then, profit. (Buy my course for steps 2-19.)
Few will profit on tickets. Many will ticket their profits. Read that. Again.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Absolute pleasure talking with sketch comedy legend (and oldest person in the Friday Beers HQ) Sam Brown last week about aging with grace. WKUK 4 Life.
Read this on your lunch break: The Accidental Architect of the Internet’s Brain.
To catch a predator but the hired actress is terrible made me laugh a lot.
I dig these new analog restaurants that are popping up in the face of AI. Honestly, at this point I’ll settle for not having to scan a QR code for a menu.
Is there anything more chills than a card bookmark? Excellent move from Bobby and the crew here.
Makes me sad that less and less young people are falling in love as we are headed to what can only be called the “Great Romance Slump.” Love rocks.
The scam busters that tracked down the Brad Pitt impersonators who stole a middle aged Frenchwoman’s life savings are goddam heroes.
This might be the greatest ad for cheesecake i’ve ever seen. Hell yeah.
It’s Monday. Sure, this week could suck but what if it actually works out? RIP Stan Lee.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
