It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to know to sound smart.
Meta announces new AI short-form video feed called Vibes, introducing a new era of slop for all of us little piggies. Definitely a good use of “a couple hundred billion dollars” from Zuck. Can’t think of a better way to spend that.
Bad Bunny announced as Super Bowl halftime show performer, could become the first performer to do a show entirely in Spanish. Get ready for some confused and pissed off texts from your dad come February.
EA Sports could be acquired for $52B by group that includes the Saudi Investment Fund in the largest ever private equity buyout. I’d have to assume that most of that was just buying the rights to this intro. Worth every penny.
McDonald’s is bringing back Monopoly for the first time in more than a decade. Please let this mean the greatest fraud of all time is coming back too. I wanna get in on the ground floor this time
Eric Adams has dropped out of the NYC mayoral race, though in classic fashion, announces too late to be removed from the ballot. We’ll never forget the man who hired us as the NYPD dance team coordinator. TYFYS.
NCAAF: It’s early, but I gotta give my ball boy of the year award out to the gentleman from Louisville who fought valiantly against the entire Pitt roster. God bless you.
me trying to leave the pregame with all of the alcohol after one of my buddies was sort of mean to me once
🚨BIG FELLA SCREEN PASS ALERT🚨 That’s how you take down Georgia.
I’m all for a good field rush like this UVA one, but we are dangerously close to a player getting stampeded to death like Mufasa by the wildebeests (sorry for the spoilers.)
We were robbed of the coolest play ever in the USC game. Illinois should have declined this out of respect for the vibes.
RYDER CUP: This is gonna be an unpopular take, but I kind of agree with Rory’s assessment of the fans at Bethpage. It actually backfired and created shots like this. You’re not gonna rattle elite golfers, you’re just gonna piss them off.
NFL: Ya know what, Cam Ward - I have to agree with your assessment on the Titans season so far. Respect the honesty, though.
Absolutely brutal loss for the Colts and absolutely brutal play for Adonai Mitchell. Thanks for proving Dr. Locks right. I hate when that happens.
The MetLife turf has claimed another ligament. RIP to Malik Nabers.
Good lord, this was the fastest sack I’ve ever seen.
Coach roundup: Ben Johnson is kind of a dick, Saleh would murder Liam Coen in cold blood, and Brain Daboll wants to fuck Jaxson Dart. Can you blame him?
MLB: The final playoff bracket has been set, as the Guardians complete a shocking comeback and the Mets piss and shit down their leg and let the Reds sneak in. LFG.
Some end of season stats that drop at the water cooler: Trea Turner’s .304 average was the lowest NL batting title in history (he was the ONLY NL player to hit .300), Judge set some records and fell just 84 walks short of setting another, and Livvy Dunne’s boyfriend went sub 2 on an ERA.
I’d be sweating too if I had to be a pirates fan. I get it
HS FOOTBALL: This was the most insane walk-off, Hail Mary, 2 point conversion I’ve ever seen at the Alabama high school district 3 level. And that’s saying something.
You don’t love the game enough if you’re not coming off the sideline to make a touchdown saving tackle. Just a fact of life.
IT’S GONNA BE A LIGHTSTRIKE NIGHT
BREAKING NEWS: a new Lightstrike flavor just dropped and it’s about to change your tailgating season forever.
5% alcohol. Non-carbonated. Resealable sports drink bottle. 10% coconut water. And now in a refreshing mix of berry and yuzu flavors with the brand new Blue Rush flavor. What else do you need during peak drinking season?
I’ll be sucking these puppies down all football season long. I suggest you do the same.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Mr. Beast is trapping people in burning homes for a chance to win $500k for his next YouTube video. With inflation, that’s not even enough for one dinner with Jay-Z. I can see why even Satan disavows this guy.
ohhhh i didn’t realize that they got free Mr. Beast snacks at the end. That makes it totally fine
Hell yeah. For the first time, scientists have captured a “shark three-some” on camera. Question: where can I find that video? Just so I can make sure I don’t watch it.
The type of video you find on page 112 of PornHub
Crazy that this fake online friend company spent millions of dollars to plaster subway ads all over NYC. Your consumers aren’t leaving the house! Put those ads on Reddit.
No?? A friend is calls you gay for having feelings. Read a book
Massive shoutout to Luru Cong Huyen, who set the record for world’s longest fingernails on a pair of hands, with an incredible 19 feet of nails that he grew over the course of 34 years. Imagine having a coke nail taller than an adult giraffe? GOAT
This is just dedication to the craft, pure and simple.
Who's Having the Best Monday
MONDAY MOVE
A severely underrated move. Not only are you adding some class, but you’re also minimizing mess and keeping the sandwich tight and your hands clean. No notes.
Seeking impartial news? Meet 1440.
Every day, 3.5 million readers turn to 1440 for their factual news. We sift through 100+ sources to bring you a complete summary of politics, global events, business, and culture, all in a brief 5-minute email. Enjoy an impartial news experience.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
I’ll be honest, as a grower, I had no idea that showers were this unhappy. Everyone is fighting their own battles that you don’t even know about. Full episode of Strider’s new pod Hug Your Bros is another banger as always.
Read this on your lunch break: One Battle (for IMAX tickets) after another.
Colonel Sanders’ great-great-great-nephew leaked the 11 herbs and spices recipe in spite after KFC repeatedly sexualized the Colonel in ads. That’s a 2025 headline if I’ve ever seen one.
I was certainly not aware there this was much beef at this year’s Duck Conservation Society, but now I’m fully locked in.
This was a masterpiece right here. Peter Jackson is shaping in his boots.
It’s Monday. Feels like as good of a time as any for a Troy Polamalu appreciation post. One of one.
Like our newsletter? You’ll love our podcast. Episodes out every Friday, whexcrever you get your podcasts.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
